


All the Small Things

by december13



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, itsy bitsy angst... really itsy, still trying to become a unicorn, stories that will never be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2018-10-25 22:04:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 244
Words: 42,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10773378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/december13/pseuds/december13
Summary: One-sentence fics. Ficlets. Drabbles.A collection!!!Changed ratings to "M" because of... stuff.





	1. Casablanca

**Author's Note:**

> This is me practicing English, practicing writing, practicing, practicing...
> 
> My thanks goes to Mikki for opening a thread April Fool's Day Tomfoolery! on JBO to, and I quote her, "... see what we can do to recharge our creativity and have a little fun at the same time".
> 
> First 17 chapters were shared with girls on JBO; 18th and up will be *gasp* all new!

"Wench, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful fuckship... erm, I mean, friendship."


	2. Open wide and say "ahh"

"Mr Lannister", blue-eyed, long-legged doctor was looking at him with cold, professional stare, "STD doesn't stand for _sexy_ , _tall and dangerous_ and it's describing your health, not your... appearance."


	3. Thirst

There was a single drop of sweat gliding slowly from her neck to her collarbone and Jaime knew that he will probably never taste something so sweet and so "Brienne" ever again.


	4. Wishful Thinking

"I said your _pianist_ is great, Mr Lannister, not... _penis_!"


	5. Say it Loud, Say it Proud

"Mark my words, Tyrion, that Amazon woman will soon enough become _my_ Amazon woman!"


	6. Crack That Whip

"I've been a naughty, naughty boy, Brienne, please, punish me!"


	7. Safety First

"I'm holding you in my arms so I can keep you safe from that bear-fucking-wench-snatching Wildling!"


	8. Dress Code

"Jaime, I refuse to hold _horn to be wild_ or _I'm with horny_ sign, just because you've decided to wear unicorn costume to a couples party!"


	9. Eternity

Brienne hated _7 minutes in heaven_ until Jaime Lannister, snarky and smarmy semi-god from her Calculus class, pressed his lips against hers with breathy: "Finally". 


	10. What's In a Name?

"She is _Lady_ Brienne and if any of you tries to insult my wife again, remember that I have killed a King... killing you would bring me no pain nor shame." 


	11. The Scooby-Doo

"Wench, come quick, Looney is having a meltdown on _raven_ again and it's all about Fred and Daphne and the fact their characters are destined to end up together!"


	12. On The Wall

While others had to stay up all night freezing on the Wall, trying to see but one star on a dark and gloomy sky, Jaime had to take one look in Wench's eyes to see the whole universe.


	13. Saluting!

"When I stand to attention, Wench, I stand _fully_ to attention", he smirked at Brienne not bothering to cover his naked form, enjoying the blush spreading like a fire over her skin.


	14. All Work And No Play

"Jaime, they were all laughing at me and I couldn't figure out why?! And then... I mean master debater _does_ sounds like masturbator, and... and once I realized it, it's like I couldn't stop saying it... _master debater_ , _master debater_ , _master debater_ ,... and now I'm a laughing stock of a department AND someone wrote Brienne The Masturbator on a toilet wall! I'm not a masturb-", lips came crushing down on hers, and she barely caught Jaime's reply, "You should sue them for defamation of character and a blatant lie. There's no need for masturbating when you have me all to yourself!"


	15. Helen of Troy

"Yours is not a face to launch a thousand ships, Lady Brienne, but it is a face that I love."


	16. (K)nightly Visitor

Brienne kept a firm grip on her frying pan, approaching her bedroom slowly, ready to defend herself from whoever was roaming her room late at night, only to drop it with a very loud "clank" upon seeing her best friend... no... her, recently self-proclaimed, _boyfriend_ Jaime... standing naked in the middle of the room, wearing only a red bow around his neck and holding a - _**Happy** **birthday, love you! Me** -_ sign.


	17. Teacher's Pet

"Wench, I'm planning to show you _not_ just what **afternoon delight** is, _but_ dawn, morning, noon, 6 o'clock, evening... midnight delight, too!"


	18. Love Actually

Losing her wasn't the option; Jaime ran through security and yelled her name, stopping her from boarding the plane.


	19. A Detective's Work Is Never Done

She trembled in his arms, but was it from cold or her very first kiss was yet to be determined. So to gather more clues, Jaime kissed her again.


	20. The Poet

_Brienne, my warrior!_

_Bulky like you are quarrier,_

_with hair not so hoarier,_

_smarter than me and Fourier._

_I feel I'll be much sorrier_

_(and this doesn't end up gorier_

_by you picking the knife,_

_efficiently ending my life)_

_if I don't ask you now_

_(and please refrain from strife),_

_say YES to being my wife!_

 

 


	21. Actions

He didn't know how to tell her how much he loved her... so he kissed her scarred cheek instead.


	22. I Like My Bed, But I'd Rather Be In Yours

"Lady Brienne, I didn't know you would go that far to protect the Stark girls!"  
  
"What do you mean, Ser Jaime?"  
  
"Married to that wildling, I hear. Or is he just someone to warm your bed?"  
  
"I am not married nor I sleep... I mean, there's no one warming my bed!"  
  
"Taking requests?"


	23. Pain

He promised not to hate the child if she died giving birth. He promised her and he kept his word.

He didn't hate their child for leaving him wifeless, nor for crying and wailing into the night without her warmth for comfort. He didn't hate their firstborn for being the only child nor for being a boy, and he didn't hate the sweet suckling sounds child made attached at the breasts of someone who wasn't his son's mother. 

He hated the pain he felt every single time he looked at his son's eyes and instead of Brienne's blue, he saw his own green.


	24. Dying

She felt sharp and quick stab, followed by intense pain that made her whole body tremble. Her hart was beating rapidly, skin paler than ever before. She was sure that she was losing consciousness; she felt dizzy, had trouble breathing. She couldn't form a sentence, her vision blurry.

And then, she saw Jaime right above her, worried face looking at her intently.

"Brienne? Wench, are you alright? Should I... Should we..."

Her hands slid firmly across his shoulders, caressing his warm and sweaty back.  

"Don't you dare stop!"

 


	25. Proposal

"You're right, we might die. And some day we all will... But on all the other days we'll live. And I want to spend those days with you, Brienne. No matter the number."


	26. Reservations

"I understand it's too late to make changes, but, well... you see... I mean... I've seen mistake today and..."

She couldn't believe that she was still having trouble being heard. And all because she was shy and afraid that she would be a bother. So, she was muttering, trying her best to fight off the horrible shade of pink burning her cheeks and, at the same time, to fight off her best friend's arm sneaking around her waist. Jaime was being incorrigible! Embarrassing her in front of other people. Reducing her to a muttering, pinkish... muttering and pinkish... she couldn't find a word - Jaime and his sneaking arm were too distracting! 

"What my girlfriend here is -"

"Best friend!"

"My _girlfriend_ is asking to change a simple thing in her booking. Instead of room with two beds, she wants a hotel room with one bed! Large bed, because of her lovely size, you see."

"Jaime! I can ask what I want without you interfering... And, umm, yes, what he said... _Apart_ of that whole girlfriend business. We're best friends."

"Wench, let me handle this. I'm a Lannister. We are witty, charming and rich. Filthy rich", he looked at a man across the table, "and we finish things faster then you... not so filthy rich."

"That's just... What is _wrong_ with you?!"

"I'm witty, charming and filthy rich. Nothing is wrong with me! Now, about that booking problem my girlfriend and I were -"

"Best friend! _Best friend_... and, you see, if you could -"

He kissed her. Jaime Lannister with his kiss... no, a peck... on her temple and his sneaking arm around her waist... And she was certain she forgot how to breathe. And apparently hear. Oh, there were words _happening_ around her, words like "girlfriend", "same date", "last available room", "how kind of you", "two plane tickets", "Lannister", "reservations for",... Yes, the words were there but she couldn't put them together in one coherent sentence.

And suddenly she was walking down the street. Jaime was talking about... something... He was always talking about something. And that's when it hit her!

"Jaime? Why did you book two plane tickets?"

"Because I'm coming with you, of course."

"You're coming with... Why would you...", and then another thought. "Jaime, where are you going to sleep? I just changed my reservation from one room with two beds to one room with one bed."

"Large bed, Wench! And I love to snuggle."

 


	27. Too Lost In You

"Losing my hand doesn't mean I've also lost my mind, Brienne. So, you better believe me when I tell you _I love you_ and _I want you to be my wife_! Because I do love you... And I want you to be my wife."


	28. Relationship Status

"I'm tired and I need sleep, Jaime. So, the only relationship I'm willing to discuss tonight is the one I'm having with my bed... And before you ask, no, you're not invited!"


	29. Know-It-All

"I wasn't flirting with the giant girl, Tyrion. It's called _talking_."

And yet he had to shift ever so slightly, crossing his legs, so the annoying little brother of his wouldn't catch the telltale signs of tightening of his pants.


	30. Heartbreaks

"You broke my heart once and I'm not letting you do it again", she sat next to his sickbed, determination coloring her face, holding his stump and kissing it with all the love she had in her.


	31. Mending

"Jaime, would you stop fussing around?! Calm down and, please, get out."

"I need to be here for you, Wench! Remember? We're in _this_ together!"

"Aha... Stop playing with camera. Get out!"

"But I have to film it for future generations, Brienne."

"The only way you're filming _anything_ is if you're standing next to my headboard and not fainting in process."

"But the action is happening _down there_ , so I have to -"

"No! _No_ to you being here and definitely _no_ to you filming!"

"For a second? Just to see... the beginning? And to see... you know!"

"See what?"

"You said it yourself, Brienne. You're pushing a pony sized human out of you! Out of... that small... _you know_! I just want to see how much _mending_ will have to be done down there before we start... if we ever again start... Pony sized human can do so much damage, Brienne!"

"Jaime?"

"Yes, Wench?"

"GET OUT!"

 


	32. Playground

_Brienne and Tormund sitting in a tree,_

_k-i-s-s-i-n-g!_

_First comes love._

_Then comes..._

 

Jaime couldn't take it anymore. _His_ best friend was being teased and all because the new kid was always trying to sit next to her in the school cafeteria, or walk her home after school.

Walking together after school was Jaime's and Brienne's favorite part of the day; they would talk about swords and dragons, and sometimes they would even find sticks and practice fencing... So, with all of the anger a 10yearold could feel, he stomped right to where Brienne was standing, took her by the hand and marched with her to the nearest tree.

 

"Jaime?"

"The only one who gets to kiss you in a tree is me, Brienne! So start climbing."


	33. Chamber

While her ladies in waiting were fretting about her hair and her dress, talking how "lovely bride" she made and how "lucky her betrothed" was, Brienne took a memory of a golden smile on a lion's face and locked it in the deepest chamber of her heart. Never to be open again.


	34. Weather

"Brienne?"

"I think I can't do _this_ anymore, Jaime. It's not... It's not what I want and it's not what we need."

His face, teasing and sunny, turned into a storm of emotions. So to stop the dark clouds and thunders forming on his forehead and in his eyes, she got down on one knee and asked him to be her husband.


	35. The Eye Of The Beholder

She was nervously explaining Dr Lannister that she came to the office just to ask about the procedure, risks, "do's and don'ts".

"I take it that breast augmentation wasn't your idea?"

"My boyfriend, he thinks... He suggested that maybe, just something to think about and... I'm not much to look at anyway", Brienne blushed from her head to toes, blue eyes sparkling like fireworks in a dark sky.

"Hopefully your boyfriend is soon-to-be your ex-boyfriend. Anyone who can take his eyes from your own,..., even for a second,..., deserves to be an ex."


	36. Regrets, I've Had A Few

He watched her ride off. His moral compass... His warrior wench.

"You know, Bronn, I always felt that I'd regret the things I've done. Never thought I'd regret things I didn't do."


	37. Women Are From Mars, Not Men!

Jaime Lannister, a movie star (a diva, Brienne thought), was looking at her with wide eyes, before setting his face into a familiar air of smugness. "When they told me they'll hire a _martial_ _artist_ to help me prepare for my new role, I had no idea they'll actually hire a _Martian artist_. Because there's no way you're from Earth."


	38. Red

She always hated red.

When she was little, red was the color of her father's eyes after a night spent mourning his wife and son. As a young maiden, red was the color of rose thrown at her feet in attempt to humiliate her. Becoming a sworn sword, red was the color of hated Lannister House and despised Kingslayer.

Now, red was the color of life seeping out of the only man she'd ever loved, lying in her arms, murmuring that he always knew how death would find him.


	39. In Vino Veritas

He could barely stand still. The room was spinning and Brienne was looking at him with worry (maybe with hint of annoyance and fondness, too). He knew that he told her how smart and amazing she was. How perfect _and_  perfect for him she is. How she made him a better man... And yet, it was strange that all he could hear himself say was, "You's ugly and I loves...es you!" 


	40. Miami Vice

"Officer Tarth, if you followed up the procedure and, before reacting, waited for your training officer to apprehend that  _dangerous criminal_... You destroyed a 4 month-long sting operation by blowing the cover of Detective Lannister!"

"Ser, I didn't... He was... Dangerously and..."

"In all fairness, Ned, she had to react and quick. It was understandable. I _was_ being a threat to society."

"Detective?"

"My good looks single-handedly killed every lady I've met today. Not to mention how many of them _died_ just by being in my close vicinity." 


	41. Girls' Night Out

Brienne sat at the bar, watching her friends embarrass themselves around Jaime Lannister, playboy millionaire with sharp tongue, questionable moral and out-of-this-world good looks... and awful taste in clothes. She chuckled. All the money and stylists at his disposal yet he wore red jacket with gold buttons and golden epaulets.

And if the thought _if he can pull off that jacket, he can pull my panties off any time_ __crossed her mind, it was flitting and gone in one gulp of scotch.

 

 


	42. Victory!

Though his jaw was bruised and his ego suffered even bigger blow, he had almost perverse pleasure watching red-bearded Wildling sulk in the corner and all because Brienne was running to him with utmost urgency, examining his injuries, barking orders at others to _hurry up and help me with Ser Jaime_.


	43. If You Believe In Love

It was strange and probably naive of her to care for the man who only cared for himself. Yet Jaime told her that he could learn to love her - in time and if she never stopped loving him back... And Brienne believed him.


	44. The Wedding Night

Jaime watched his wife ( _wife_ \- how sweet the word) nervously glancing anywhere but at him. 

"Brienne, come to me."

She approached him warily. He walked with her away from the bed to the centre of the chamber and put his arms around her waist. He moved slowly.

"Jaime? Shouldn't we... Shouldn't you... What are you doing?"

"I'm dancing with my wife."


	45. Courtship

"She threatened me. Put a sword to my neck. There was even bondage involved. Then, we bathed together! And you know what that means? Your mother got to see me in all of my naked glory. Oh, how she blushed! Not to mention -"

"Jaime?! That is highly inappropriate bedtime story!"

"Take a deep breath, Wench. Our boy is just a year old and not understanding a word I'm saying. When he gets older, we'll polish up... sordid details of our courtship."

 


	46. How To Be A Good Guest

There was some kind of unrest in her bedchamber, a disturbance of sorts, that Brienne couldn't ignore and continue sleeping. She slowly reached for the Oathkeeper and just when someone hit what was presumably a wooden chair, she jumped out of bed and pointed her sword in general direction of a... swearing shadow. She strained her ears and recognized the muffled voice of none other than Jaime Lannister.

"Ser Jaime? What are you doing in my room?!"

"Adjusting to surroundings. It's dark in here."

"I... I didn't mean... I mean _why_ are you in my room?"

"Being a good guest. Not offending our hosts. We are going to stay in this godforsaken land more than I would wish for, so I'm adopting the customs of North."

"Adopting the... What in the name of all Seven does that mean?!"

"Silly, stupid Wench. I'm here to steal you, of course!"


	47. Freedom

She heard the news from Sansa Stark herself. "That vile woman is dead. Killed by one of her creatures." Brienne ran to find Jaime, ignoring the others, ignoring her own feelings. 

He was standing alone on the wall, looking into a night. When she approached him he gave her a small nod and turned his back. "She was my sister. My lover. My... habit. What do I do now?"

"You mourn her. All of her. All that she was to you."

He smiled at Brienne. His eyes full of pain... but there was a glimpse of something else in there too.

"Seven help me, I loved her. I still do... And yet all I can think of is that I'm finally free."


	48. Fear

"Wench, open the door and let me in, please! Wildlings are yelling, there is food being eaten in... not so  _customary_ ways... and ladies are giving me a strange look! They want me, Brienne, and we can't have that, can we?"

"I'm sure you will make it, Ser."

"But, Wench, night is dark and full of terrors. Don't let those women _terrorize_ me!"


	49. The Secret Diary Of Basket(ball) Case

Jan20,'17.  
First day of team building with idiots from marketing departmant. One would think they'd know how to market themselves. Nope! Useless. Ugly. Non more than Brien Tart.

  
Jan21,'17.  
More useless team building with D2U - departmant of useless and ugly. Also, Brien Tart? Brienne Tarth. As in woman!!!!! If you could see her, diary, you wouldn't question "!!!!!"

  
Jan31, '17.  
No more team building! Brienne Tarth is not useless. We were teamed up in basketball turnament. She's good. With long legs like hers and arms like they belong to octopys, and with my general awesomeness, no wonder we slayed them all... She's still ugly, though.

  
Feb05, '17.  
Brienne and I practice basketball together. Sometimes play against the others to show them who d bosses are. Shame to waste all that leggyness and octopys arms on doing just jingles.

  
Feb22, '17.  
Today the little cunt from Cersei's department tried to woo ugly. She knocked him down. Smart girl! And if I catch him around us, I'll kick his ass. Or fire him. Nothing should interupt our practice time.

  
Mar03, '17.  
Hurt my arm in practice. Brienne carried me off the court. She's strong, that one. Regular wench! Hahaha, diary, I think I finally found the name for her.

  
Mar04, '17.  
Called her wench. She blushed... Got angry, too, but blushed. I think she likes her new nickname.

  
Mar07, '17.  
I dreamed of wench. I'm scared.

  
Mar10, '17.  
For the past 4 nights I dream of wench. Freckled. Naked. Diary, I'm really scared.

  
Mar11, '17.  
You won't believe what happened today! Brute from North tried to play hoops with the wench! The nerve! Told him few choice words. Didn't listen. Wench said that she's used to me and she'll wait until we can team up again. Red bearded brute sulked.

  
Mar12, 17.  
I think I need to get laid. I dreamed of freckled naked wench again! Not normal!!! Although, she does have the longest legs. And bluest of eyes.

  
Mar17, '17.  
On court! Finally! Wench and I crushed it!!! Even high5d! She blushed. But not like when I call her wench. Hmmmm...

  
Mar24, '17.  
Tyrion came to watch us today. After the game he told me I move in the slug-pace. I happen to be the fastest on court. Even wench told him so. He just laughed. Idiot!

  
Mar27, '17.  
More naked dreams. I really need to get laid. Tyrion introduced me to some of his... lady friends. Nothing happen. Tyrion called me slugish idiot! Like it's my fault I have certain taste. And I am not slow!!!

  
Apr01, '17.  
Pulled a prank on wench. Orange juice on her shirt. Laughed! She didn't. No sense of humor. Perky little breasts, though.

  
Apr02, '17.  
Dreams. Freckled. Perky. Naked.  
Went to work all worked up. Cunt was again trying to interupt my time with wench. Apparently he's been asking her on date for the past month or so. She refused him every single time. Today, too. He called her fugly! And almost grab her ass. How dare he?! I slaped him. He squealed like a bitch that he is. Brienne blushed. Not like when I call her wench. Or like when we high5d.

  
Apr03, '17.  
More dreams! What is happening to me?!

  
Apr05, '17.  
On busyness trip. Wench stayed behind. Told Tyrion to watch out for her - in case cunt or red bastard were around to bother her. He laughed and again called me slow. I can't stress enough how not true that is - I am the fastest on court! Wench said so, too!!!

  
Apr15, '17.  
10 days without wench. We skyped to talk about our hoops technic, of course. Not the same. l missed crushing the opponents. Wench gets all flushed. She's almost cute.

  
Apr17, '17.  
Again with the dreams! If I could cure myself from hornyness, I would stop dreaming about freckles. I know it!!!

  
Apr18, '17.  
Wench and me are unstopable. We rule! Went for drinks. Had to stop others stare at my wench. Isn't her fault she's Amazonian.

  
Apr19, '17.  
YOU STUPID DIARY!!! YOU KNEW ALL THIS TIME THAT I LIKE WENCH! DIDN'T TELL ME!

  
Apr22, '17.  
Played hoops with wench. Couldn't concentrate. We almost lost. Wench glared. She's cute when she glares. Told her so. She blushed. Said that I should shut my mouth. God, she's awesome!

  
Apr24, '17.  
Today I'm playing hoops. After that, I'm going with wench on date. She doesn't know it yet. With my goodlooks and natural charm, next post would be blank - I wouldn't want to scandalize you with description of me and wench having sex. Heh!

  
Apr25, '17.  
Nothing happened. I don't get it!

  
Apr26, '17.  
Again nothing. I really don't get it!

  
Apr27, '17.  
Diary, wench is stupid! Gods she's walking sex on legs, but she's stupid. Non of my usual and unusual things worked.

  
Apr28, '27.  
Game. We won! Wench said I'm standing to close to her. Explaind it's the best guarding technic. She got confused. I like her confused! She is soooo sexy. Still stupid.

  
May01, '17.  
Called wench out on date. Told her it's a date. She said no. Out for drinks with Tyrion. Getting drunk.

  
May02, '17.  
Not sober enough. Called in sick. Drinking.

  
May03, '17.  
Wench came last night. I don't remember everything, but I know I told her she's the awesomest and I want to have sex with her. I know she blushed. She stayed with me all night - nothing happened! - and gave me soup today. Promised we will go on date one of this days.

  
May05, '17.  
Hoops. Won. Date. WIN!!!!!!!!!!

  
May06, '17.  
Date. She blushed. I was my badass self. WIN!!!!!!!!!

  
May07, '17.  
Date. There was kissing. WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
May08, '17.  
Wench is back home. Something about her father. Sent her flowers. Sent him the best dr there is. Brienne said I'm over doing it... The faster her father gets better the faster she'll be back to me.

  
May09, '17.  
Wench blocked me an all of her devices. Said she'll reconsider dating me if I don't stop bothering her while she's home. Should I go to Tarth?

  
May10, '17.  
Didn't go to Tarth. Tyrion said I shouldn't. I miss wench.

  
May11, '17.  
I really miss wench.

  
May12, '17.  
If her father doesn't die, I'll kill him myself! He's keeping my wench away from me!

  
May15, '17.  
Wench unblocked me. Skyped me. I dirty talked. She blushed. Gods, that woman has the biggest hots for me!

  
May16, '17.  
More dirty talks. More blushing. Had the coldest of cold showers. About time! Why I didn't do that before?!

  
May17, '17.  
WENCH CAME BACK!!!!!!!!!! KISSING!!!!!!!!!!

  
May18, '17.  
SCORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
May19, '17.  
MOAR SCORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
May20, '17.  
Played hoops with mah wench. Went to kiss her shoulder, she lifted her arm so I kissed her armpit instead. I went to wash my mouth. She snorted.  
  
GODS, HOW MUCH I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer than usual drabble. Sorry! Idea came thanks to JBO shoutbox.  
> Grammar mistakes? Jaime is writing in his diary. Of course he wouldn't pay that much attention.


	50. Unique

"Just like there's no men like me, there's no women like Brienne. There's  _only_ Brienne, my Lord Selwyn. And if I can't have her hand in marriage, I'll have no other."


	51. Warrior

"There comes a time in a man's life, amidst of a turbulent geopolitical climate, to unite with his fellow men, to rally against a common enemy, to fight the good figh -"

" _Seriously_ , Jaime? All of this and just because you've found couple of grays in your hair?!"


	52. Duty To One's House

"My Lords! You spew words like _honor_ and _heir_ so easily, not knowing what they mean... I know. My honor in Brienne's hand and my heir in her womb - gone the day she was killed. And If Lannister line dies with me, so be it, for I shall never trade a memory of Brienne for a flesh of another."

 


	53. Knowledge

Her pace was slow and rhythmical. Her skin, freckled and pale, surprisingly smooth and soft - softer than a silk under his back. Her moans... oh, her moans were ladylike, sensual, but loud... He almost made a joke about how handy her knowledge of riding the horses was, but he refrained, not to spook his still too shy wench. She changed her position, leaning to him, scraping his chest with her sharp nails... _her sharp nails_... Brienne didn't...

He snapped back to reality of his sweet sister rutting against him. Green eyes looking coldly at him, holding his gaze. And just in time... He fixed his eyes on hers, so again not to lose himself in fantasy of Brienne and bit his tongue to prevent his traitorous mouth scream her name. For if Cersei knew... if she just had the slightest inkling how his loyalty was changing, whom his thoughts ran to...

It was better for all if Cersei didn't know. 


	54. Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"You go to Mount Everest, Tyrion. I have bigger and more dangerous mountain to conquer", Jaime smirked, not being able to take his eyes off the towering ugly blonde sitting, as always, in a booth in the corner of a diner.


	55. The Bet

"If I win, you'll give me a kiss."

"And if I win?"

"You'll give me a kiss... Am I not the only deserving gift one could ever receive, Lady Brienne?"


	56. Wait for Me

_Here_ _lies_ _Jaime_ _Lannister_.

 _Kingslayer_.

 _Kinslayer_.

 _Man_ _of_ _honor_.  
  
She traced the inscriptions with her fingertips, lightly, almost like she was afraid that she would disturb him in his final rest. She kissed the tombstone and promised that one day she'll return to him.  
  



	57. Sleeping Habit

Sleeping next to someone was a new  _strange_ situation he found himself in. He supposed Brienne wasn't comfortable either, but she didn't show it. And yet, night after night, while his loving wife would sleep emitting soft snoring sounds, he would turn in bed trying to find position so he could join her in the land of dreams. And night after night he would fail, sleeping lightly (or not at all) waking up with sore neck or sore arm, or sore back or... but then, and accidentally, he found himself curling around her with lips on her scarred cheek. The moment he felt that puckered flesh, _realizing_ that the body next to him was, in fact, Brienne's (for no one else had _that_ skin or _that_ body), he sighed, relaxed and fell asleep.

And in the years to come, no matter what, when day would give way to night, Jaime would trace her left cheek with his own lips and sleep would soon follow.


	58. In Love

Every time, after Jaime would groan her name with final thrust, Brienne would silently cry; for she never believed that lips could be so gentle, fingertips so caressing, body so lustful, eyes so loving, and all because _of_ her and _for_ her.

 


	59. Sounds

The first night, the night of the bedding, he made sure to walk couple of times in front of Brienne's chamber... well, hers and her husband's. And though part of him wanted for Warrior woman to find happiness (even in the arms of another), he felt relieved when no sounds could be heard coming out. _So, that idiot was all talk the talk but not so much of a... walker_... It was strange to see the large woman in the morning smiling shyly to her husband when there was no reason for it. He knew, he witnessed it. _Huh!_

The second night he was in a training yard when he heard... but it was just wind, playing low humming sounds. He stood in the open, and, _yes_ , there were the sounds of wind blowing, nothing more. And yet, in the morning, Brienne was... _glowing_... It must've been some magic in works, for she was glowing and she wasn't even properly ravished. Again, he was a witness.

Following night he was awaken from deep sleep to a woman screaming like a White was ripping her apart. He ran outside with sword ready to face the icy opponents, only to see smirking men and women going back to their beds for screaming has turned into... very loud _moans_... It seemed that Southern golden pansy actually knew what he was doing. Brienne could attest to it. And her face (and probably her walk) would do just that, come morning.

With a resolute sigh Tormund asked for gates to be lowered. He was in a mood to do some hunting. And out there, in the cold, was a bear he needed to find.


	60. Tarth's Tasty Tarts

Jaime was certain that he was going crazy. And even more certain that sex, or _lack of_ , was to blame. How else was he to understand his reaction to the ugliest woman he ever saw?! The fact that he only knew her by watching her TV show and obsessively google videos for the re-watch, was just added level to craziness. Skipping appointments with board directors (and his own father) was something he didn't even want to think of... He couldn't stop condemning himself for behaving like a teen, but to quit watching the show was also not the option.

The all-too-familiar sound of jingle snapped him from the musings. He fixed his eyes on a TV screen not to miss a single second of _Tarth's Tasty Tarts_. The moment he heard her voice welcoming the audience, the blush coloring her face saying the name of the show (the dirtiest of all the dirty names for the show, ever!), was enough for his... _lower brain_... to react with well known growth. The way she licked her lips while cooking, saying things like "moist" or "plump" or "stuffing", was designed to torture him.

He needed to relieve himself. He needed to stop obsessing over a cooking show. To stop thinking and dreaming about the woman hosting a show. Finding a girlfriend. Having girlfriend to fuck..

 _She_ _introduced her guest_.

HE NEEDED TO GET ON THE SHOW!!!


	61. Hate

"How did it happen?"

"We can't say for certain, my Queen. Some say he died protecting her, others that he was already dead when her lifeless body fell. There are three men claiming they were the one to do the killing. They are here, waiting to be rewarded."

"And which, if any, is the slayer?"

"They bicker, my Queen, each saying he was the one."

"Then all three shall be equally rewarded. Cut off their sword hands and rip out their tongues. And if any of them dares to complain... remind them that I have gifted them with their lives."

"Your Grace is wise as she is merciful. And what of the bodies of... your brother and his lady?"

"You mean traitor to the Crown and his whore? Feed them to the lions. Burn them to ashes. Make sure that not one speck of them is left behind. I want their souls to spend eternity searching, not knowing where the other lies... I want them to suffer."

 


	62. Response

The wildling known as Giantsbane, if Jaime remembered correctly, approached him almost as soon as he was introduced to the crowd of residents of the Winterfell. He was slightly drunk and, more than slightly, smelled of mutton grease.

"You... Yes, you! Little lord from the South... If you think you can swoop in here and take the warrior lass with you, let me tell you that it won't work. Me and the lass have an understanding going on - things are happening between us. Or going to happen. Wild, unspeakable things..."

"Jaime! If you could..."

He grabbed Brienne with his good hand placed gently on her neck and his golden one firmly on her back. Not caring who was watching, he kissed her with all the passion he had for her (and judging by the immediate reaction from his cock, it was a lot) and was rather surprised and extremely happy when Brienne, after initial shock, responded with equally (if a little clumsy) hungry kiss.

She was the one to step away, fighting to get enough air in her lungs, but still staying in his arms. Not taking his eyes off her, Jaime's response, although Tormund didn't know if it was aimed at him or Brienne was, "You were saying?"


	63. Compass

"Let it be known that queen might have a slight inkling about her brother's desires."

"What are you talking about, Bronn?"

"Didn't she gave you a specific order to fook Tarth?"

"Why would I desire to destroy the Island of Tarth? I have... deep respect towards its heir and have no wish to bring harm to its people."

" _Deep respect_? Is that what you call it these days?!"

"Bronn, I am in no mood to play mind games. My sister, the queen, gave me an order to conquer Tarth. And I have to find a way out of it!"

"Find a way... Listen, goldenboy! Your cock acts just like a compass - and while compass always points to north, your not-sated-for-a-long-time-and-almost-shriveling dick always stirs and points to Maid of Tarth! That should fookin' tell you somethin'! And if a queen told you to 'fook the Tarth', you go and do that - _fook_ _the_ _Tarth_!"

"Cersei didn't mean it literal-"

"Are you a mind reader or a loyal subject to your queen?"

"!!?"

"Well?"

"She did say that I should..."

"Yes, yes she did."

"Bronn, saddle the horses, we're going north!"

"About a fookin' time. And good that we'll be having your _own_ compass to guide us."

"Shut up!"


	64. The Rise

The scent of Brienne on his bed sheet, a memory of her breath on his skin, were enough to make Jaime run straight to the bathroom for yet another cold shower.


	65. Dare To Dream

She woke up with her limbs tangled with someone else's limbs, a feel of a raging hard-on poking her lower abdomen.

Being that dreams and reality, especially in her case, differed too often and painfully so, Brienne moved her head slightly to catch a look of her bed partner... and, what a _dream_ he was - Jaime Lannister, her boss, her archnemesis and her secret crush for the past year or so.

She didn't know if she should stay or get up and run away as long as her legs could carry her; then he shifted, pressed himself even closer, murmured " _I can hear you_ _thinking. Stop it, Wench_ ", and traced her pulse point with his lips - effectively shutting her brain off and surrendering her body to his will.


	66. When Love Takes Over

The sound of key turning and the voice "you have an hour, my Lady", makes him cringe with remembrance of their situation. He casts a glance on shadows playing a game of hide and seek with the bars on his window - ending of a day. She is punctual, as always.

"How was your day?"

Her tone of interest, the game they're playing, _the_ _game of normality_ , angers him deeply and he lashes out. "For how long, Brienne?! You have to stop wasting your life like this! Coming to me. Staying in Queensguard... Go home to Tarth! Find someone to make you with child. Leave me!"

"As long as you're here, I'll be coming to you. As long as you're her prisoner, I'll be in her Queensguard. And the child I may bear would only be my husbands." Her calm response only serves to infuriate him more.

" You're free to take another! I absolved you of your vows. You are not my wife anymore."

"Jaime... You absolved me of _my_ vows. I haven't absolved you of yours. So maybe I am not your wife, but you're still my husband."

"I don't love you!"

She smiles as if talking to a petulant child. "Of course you don't."

"I don't want you."

"Nor I you", she says, taking her tunic and breeches off.

"I don't need you".

"I know." She approaches him to help him with his clothes.

"Wench, please... Just... Why?"

"We don't get to choose whom we love. I thought you knew that."

 


	67. The End Is Here

The shouts of victorious cries were spreading all over the battlefield. The Night King and his army were defeated, while sun was shyly sending rays to the frozen ground. Finally!

Brienne was breathing hard, not moving, trying to stifle every sound but one - moan of Jaime Lannister. His cry. His joy. His pain. His whisper. His laugh. His... anything. She needed to find him. There was a sea of torn limbs, bodies of friends and foes, river of dried blood, stench of rotting guts... and she stood amongst all of it. Dead, if she couldn't find him to breathe warmth back in her heart.

Suddenly, far in the corner of her eye, she caught the movement of a lion. He was battered, bruised and bloodied, but alive. Younger than she could ever remember seeing him. Older than when she last left him. Graceful. Predatory, even when approaching her.

"And what now, Jaime?"

Those on a field were spontaneously breaking into song. Something joyous, probably gaudy. They were celebrating life.

"Now, Wench? Right now we kiss."


	68. Playing Techniques

"Oh, for the love of all Seven! Listen to this Jaime: single _tonguing_ , double _tonguing_ , _triple tonguing_! And there's more! We would be laughing stock and all because of this... stupidity. I mean, _flutter tonguing_!"

"Wench, could you stop talking about tongu-"

"Puh-lease! There's something called key _slap_ and pitch _bending_ and _tongue ram_!"

"Brienne, maybe... Maybe there are other instruments we could be reading about?"

"You look like you're not well. What's with hard breathing? Are you having anxiety attack? It makes no sense. You're always the one who's speaking in public with ease... And, sorry, no. Professor Stark gave us this precise assignment and, by the gods, we are going to grip that thing hard, and power through with our own hands and..."

"You're not helping!"

"I am reading out loud what we'll be presenting to our whole class, Lannister. It's learning technique. What more help do you need?!"

"No, I was thinking -"

" _Fingering_!"

"Wha... what?"

"Whoever wrote this... instructions... was really, really... I mean, listen: yada-ya...'a modern technique of _fingering_ and _attack_ '... yada-ya... 'To achieve this, the lips are opened _more widely_ than the usual _embouchure_ '... This is like something out of porn... then more of technical things... A-ha! And there's even _special fingerings._ "

"Brienne... Wench!"

"Seriously, are you OK? You're sweating, Jaime. Don't tell me you've caught some bug. Do you need something? Medicine? Tea? Should I go buy you lemons? Do you want me t-?"

"Oh, gods, YES!"


	69. The Right Position

"So, how do we do this?"

"Madam Tully said that... well, my feet should go in the direction of your head and then my head should go where your feet are."

"But isn't that... I mean... there's bound to be smells and... what if you hurt my..."

"Children! There's no talk during noon's rest."


	70. Good Ol' Granny

The fact that she ran away into a rainy and cold night did little to quiet the storm brewing inside him. He was angry at himself, but mostly at her.

He asked. Never pressured. Showed patience. Loved her. Admired her. The way she could outtalk anyone when she was passionate about the cause. Worshiped her freckles. Too wide lips. Swam in her eyes.

And waited... he waited for her to be brave. To relax. _To initiate_. But the moment he went for her waistband, touched the edge of her panties, she froze, pushed him off and ran away.

"Jaime?" She was standing on the doorway, trembling, hiding her hands behind her back in attempt to calm herself. _He knew those hands_.

"You look like a drowned rat."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what exactly, Brienne?! I've told you time after time. We'll sleep together when and only when _you_ feel comfortable. When _you_ decide to move things forward."

"I am really sorry."

"Godsdammit, Wench, I don't want you to be sorry! I want you to tell me when I do something wrong. Or if you think I'm doing something wrong. When something is troubling you. Or if you're afraid... I want you to trust me!"

"I'm wearing granny panties!!!"

"Gran... Wh - what now?!"

"I had this all figured out. This... _tonight_... us having... Went for manicure, pedicure, brushed my teeth four times before coming here. Showered until my skin turned blue. I've _plucked_ things off me that I didn't know they were meant for plucking, Jaime! I... I wanted... I bought myself lacy underwear... But, between all the cleaning and plucking and _nervousness_ , I forgot to put that skimpy thing on!"

"Brienne... Brienne, you do realize that the point of us having sex is for you to be _without_ clothes, lacy or otherwise, in record time?!"

 

 

 


	71. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! Angst ahoy! Brutal "hardcore stab-me-in-the-heart-and-twist-the-knife type of thing"! (as in abuse and rape)

He screamed in impotence, hearing her cries of pain and humiliation, not being able to help her. The others, their muffled voices... they laughed, taunted, called her names. To him, it seemed like an eternity passed until he couldn't hear her anymore... She stopped fighting.

After couple of hours (or was it minutes) door to his cell opened and Brienne, naked - cuts on her skin, bruises on her wrists, dried blood between her thighs - was pushed inside. She collapsed, unconscious, shallow breaths, but alive.

Before he could get to her, arms of their captors pulled him outside and he met the ugliest sneer. 

"It's your turn, pretty boy."


	72. Invincible

He was yet again frustrated that something as mundane as tying a shoelace was hard, almost impossible task for him. Not even Brienne's offered words of encouragement nor her gentle touch of his graying hair were helping.

What it took was a small hand to push his bigger one off and even smaller voice (with strength of her mother's) to say _Let me do this, daddy_ for him to feel invincible. 


	73. Pyromancer

"Captain, I want to file a formal complaint against one Brienne Tarth".

"What in the all hell are you talking about, Lannister?!"

"Sir, I have my suspicions that she's the arsonist responsible for the latest fire outbreaks in the city."

"Again, what in the all hell are you talking about?!"

"The evidence is clear - her knowledge of fires, how to ignite the tiny spark into a full blown..."

"She's a firefighter just like you!"

"Precisely! And you should see what she's doing to my body every night, setting fires all over... Though, I do confess that her handling of a... _hose_..."

"TARTH!!! Get into the office and take your boyfriend somewhere that is n.o.t. here!!! ... I knew that you two getting together would prove to be a bigger problem than when you were hating each other."


	74. The Lion, The Wench and The Kitchen Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Boardiversary to all the great ladies on JBO!!!

He sat at a kitchen table, looking at what, come tomorrow, would be treats... for him. He frowned.

"It's your 45th birthday, Jaime, not the end of the world!"

His wife of 10 years, still vibrant and... perky (for she was miles away from 45th birthday, he reminded himself gloomily) was smiling at him like if she was talking to a child... a _slow_ child, that is.

"I am old, wench! I can feel every ounce of days-passed on me. Now you are stuck not only with cripple of a husband, but old cripple at that."

"You sprained your wrist not lost your hand. Stop being a drama queen."

"I'll have you know I was the best queen my high-school drama production ever had! ... And the best lion, if you care to learn. Now, I am poor old lion, awaiting his final curtain fall."

"... _Right_..."

"Old and frail, wench. Losing my wits and my looks!"

"If this is again about that one gray hair you found..."

"It's sea of gray, Brienne!!! It's "The Old Man and the Sea" sea of gray! How will you stand to be around me?!"

"Hmm... I think you are actually right. I should divorce you at this instant."

" _I beg your pardon_?!"

"The looks? That I can forgive you. Not like you married a beauty... It's the stamina, or lack of, that is a deal breaker for me."

"The stam... the... What are you insinuating, _wife_?!"

"Well, if nature shows taught me anything, it's that old lions are still graceful, with full mane, deadly if _provoked_. But the stamina thing..."

"What about the stamina thing?"

"You know, unable to hunt... unable to fu... that's why they are replaced by younger ones. More... _potent_..."

"That. Is. It! Bed! Now!!!"

"My, my, what big teeth you have... grandpa!"

"It's grandma and it's wolf not a lion."

"Yet another school production?"

"Actually, yes! I was glorious tree in that one."

"Oh, but not a lion... so, a tree? Did your branches... _hang_ low?"

"Wife! BED!!!"

"Or?"

"HEAR ME ROAR!!!"


	75. Restlessness

Brienne was always in a state of unrest when sleeping. She would toss and turn in bed, murmur or talk nonsensically, fight the imaginary opponents, cuddle the imaginary lovers,..., but it all changed the night Jaime laid beside her.

Bed became suddenly very comfortable, protesting words died on her lips, opponents were all defeated, and imaginary lovers turned into a very solid and warm body to hold.


	76. Rounds

"Are you ready for the second round?"

Before she could answer, or even process the question, his lion teeth bit on her soft flesh just under her left ear, eliciting the ungodly moan out of her; and the flicker of a flame in her lower belly turned into a wildfire consuming her whole body.


	77. Reunion

She thought that the idea of going to high school's 10-year reunion was appealing like going to a gynecologist- embarrassing position to be in, _naked_ and _probed_ , while voice of disinterest was telling her to "relax, it'll be over soon".

But then... Jaime Lannister, her high school enemy-turned-best friend-turned-first touch-turned first kiss-turned first _time_ , spotted her and with a grace of a lion approaching his pray, showed up at her table, yanked her on a dance floor and buried his face into her neck.

"Gods, I missed you, Wench! And I plan to take time to show you just how much."

Suddenly, the idea of 10-year reunion became much more appealing, but not as appealing as what he was going to do _with_ her, _to_ her, if his whispers were any indication.

 

 


	78. Honor

When she knelt down to be knighted, an honor she waited for her whole life - to be respected by her peers, by _men_ \- she silently sent her prayers to the Seven, asking them to take care of one man who bested her in a fight and made her his wife.

And Brienne knew she will never tell, for they will never understand, that the greatest honor she ever received was to be loved by Jaime Lannister and to carry his name.


	79. The Game(s) We Play

"I won! _Again_. Face it, Lannister, there's no way you could ever beat me at running. That's _my_ game!"

He looked at her, slight frown on his brows, barely keeping his grin in check. If she saw him smile, saw him happy, the game _he_ played would be up and he would lose.

He never wanted her to know that, for months now, he was training without her, his time far exceeding hers. But letting her win meant seeing Brienne's face full of uncontained joy, eyes alive, freckles dancing on her skin, crooked teeth forming a kissable fountain with her too large lips; lips that she pressed down on his in attempt to make him "less moody for losing"... _their_ daily game.

 


	80. Teasing

She thought that The Wall was like jilted lover; cold, unforgivable, dangerous, yet still frighteningly beautiful.

"Lady Brienne?"

"Ser Jaime?! Why are you not in bed, you're not supposed to be up for least two hours more?"

"Couldn't sleep. I figured to stretch my legs a bit, only to end up where my favorite wench is."

He winked. It was a welcomed sight. Jaime teasing meant that he was in high spirits, something he rarely was and ever since the news came about his sister's death.

"You should rest, Ser."

"There'll be time for that, Brienne. Who knows, maybe by this time tomorrow I'll be in my eternal rest? Maybe we all are... And, seeing you by yourself is such a rare feat, my Lady. You're either surrounded by sniveling squires with dreams of becoming knights or wildlings looking at you like you're a mutton to be devoured."

Jaime teasing was a welcomed sight. Her blushing skin wasn't.

"I... Lord Snow assures me it's nothing to pay attention to."

"You should. One of these days someone will burst through your door and, if you're not careful, my wench would be forever taken. Gone would be her maidenhead.Her freckles and eyes would belong to another."

Oh, Jaime teasing _was_ a welcomed sight. Her tied up tongue was not.

"Ser, the state of my... my maiden... the state of... who I belong to or... it's not... not for you to worry. And... and you're distracting me, Ser!"

"Hmmm, and yet you still _want_ _me_... in bed."

"S - Ser?"

"Didn't you tell me that I should be in bed, Lady Brienne?"

"Yes! Um, yes I did."

"I love how even in this cold, you remain _hot_."

"I... you... _distracting_..."

"We are all freezing down to our smallclothes, yet here you are, your cheeks burning and your whole body radiating the heat."

Jaime teasing _was still_ a welcomed sight. Her mind, jumbled and unfocused, wasn't.

"I'll leave you to your guarding duty, Wench. You know where to find me, if I'm needed."

"Good - goodnight, Ser Jaime. I'll come to wake you up."

Brienne thought that The Wall was like jilted lover; cold, unforgivable, dangerous, yet still frighteningly beautiful. But nothing was more dangerous nor frighteningly beautiful than Jaime Lannister when he was teasing... or speaking truth.


	81. Sharing Is Caring

"Brienne, if I share my sword with you..."

"Not your sword, Jaime. Miss Tyrell said that all the toys are..."

"Yes, yes. So, you want to hear my propros... prepos... my idea, or not?"

"Fine."

"If I share my sword with you, would you share the lunch table with me?"

"You mean like sitting together? Well, sure, you can sit with me and Tormund. He asked today, you know."

" _I've heard_. Does he share his cool sword with you or his dragon toys?"

"Umm, I don't know if he has any."

"It's settled then! We are sitting together, sharing things, and he can sit with someone else... Like Jon. I know Jon wouldn't mind."


	82. Hitting The Spot

_"Yes, that's it! That's the spot, Wench!"_

_"Hit it! Hit it_ , hard!"

_"Ohhh, just like that! Harder! Harder!"_

_"Now speed up!"_

_"Yes, yes! Faster!"_

"YES! _That's my girl!!!"_

He looked at his wife grinning victoriously, a beaten (and unconscious) opponent stretched out on a floor in front of her, while the official referee came to the centre of the cage, to name Brienne "The Wench of Tarth" Lannister the new MMA Featherweight Champion.


	83. Leaving

"Any last words, Kingslayer?"

He smiled, shutting down all the voices of the crowd yelling at him, cursing him, taunting him; shutting down the screaming of his own mind that this can't be the end. He found the blue eyes in the sea of Targaryen supporters, her hand resting, _trembling_ , on slightly visible belly.

"Know that you are loved. You both are."


	84. Maiden Fair

"Unhand the fair maiden, you great hairy beast!"

"Never! Maidens are for strong men like me!"

"Do as I say or face the wrath of my Valyrian steel."

"Try me!"

"Unhand my fair maiden..."

"Ouch! That _hurts_... Miss Tyrell, I've been hit."

"Jaime, how many times have I told you to play nice and not attack Tormund?"

"It was not him, Miss. Brienne hit me!"

"Brienne?!"

"Sorry, Miss, we were playing knights and dragons, and Tormund didn't want to give me back _my_ fair maiden!"

"Your fair maiden, Brienne?"

"Yes, Miss. It's Jaime, of course!"

"Miss, I told her that I am no maiden! I am mighty warrior, but she insists and... Well, she did call me fair and I am prettier than her, and she said she'll hold my hand and walk home with me."


	85. Strong Enough

She fell on top of him, sweaty, breathless and sated. His right hand (or what once was his hand) was on her hip, as if to hold her better, closer, while his left was methodically doing slow, gentle circles on her back. She was happy, warm, _at home_ , but knew that this position was probably hell for him, she... weighing a ton... Brienne wriggled in attempt to move off of him, but it only made his hold of her more firm.

"Stop fidgeting, Wench. Sleep."

"Jaime, I'm heavy and I'm large, and you will be in pain tomorrow... If I manage not to completely crush you before it. You know you cannot... support... my weight."

"I love how you feel on me, Brienne. And, while we're at it, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm strong enough!"


	86. Then And Now

Being in Cersei's arms meant fire and passion, meant blurry thoughts and storm of emotions he never truly wanted to dissect - there was love, or what he believed that love was, but anger too, and pain, and lust, and possessiveness, and darkness, and hate. _So much darkness and hate_! Hate for their father, the society that refused to let them be together, hate for every man who watched his sister with want in his eyes, hate for the knowing pity Tyrion sometimes showed, hate for maids who giggled when being in love, hate for stable boy and his blushing cheeks when a girl kissed him in front all to see, darkness that would grip his heart for not having that kind of freedom, hate for those who doubted his sword skills,..., hate for Cersei and hate for himself. For loving her, for being angry, for feeling pain, and lust, and possessiveness,... Hate for the silent screams tearing up his soul and his mind, all the while he was preserving the image of Kingslayer. The one who didn't care for the opinion of others.

It changed when Brienne held him. Strong arms leaving no doubt that that's where he belonged. Storms quieted down, all consuming fire brought warmth, his thoughts clear. There was light, and calmness, and need, and laughter, and joy, and acceptance, and love. _There was so much love_! Love for everything "Brienne". What she stood for. How she carried herself. The way she looked at him, like he was worthy of her. Love for what they built together... But there was anger, too. Anger for every man that tried to belittle her, to taunt her, to show her contempt, who called her names (and he was angry that he fell in that trap long time ago)... And pain. Pain that he wasn't able to shield her from others, pain that he couldn't prevent her father from dying and prevent the tears she cried, pain that she was screaming when giving birth to their child, pain that she bled, pain that she couldn't have any more children, pain that she never blamed him for that,... And lust. Lust for her blue eyes, for her scarred cheek, for freckles adorning her skin, the way she walked, the way she fought, the way she looked first thing in the morning, the blush spreading all over her skin when told what he attended to do to her,... And possessiveness. Possessiveness of time she spent with him instead of giving lessons to young men wanting to learn the fighting skills, possessiveness of her shy smiles, of gentle touch, of light kisses she initiated, possessiveness of her wittiness, and of her clumsiness, possessiveness of her loyalty and of her honor,... 

Darkness and hate were two emotions he never felt since being with her. Forgot what they meant. And he prayed that when the day would come for Stranger to claim them, he would take him first. For only then would darkness and hate remain unknown to him.

 


	87. Clues

"Brienne... While I do love your eyes, and especially this up close and personal, it's... It's kind of unnerving when you stare at me... Up. Close. And. Personal."

"Not staring. Gathering clues."

"Clues to what exactly?"

"Sincerity of your words."

"I told you I _loved_ you!"

"I've heard you the first time! And you shouldn't... You should let me... Clues... They say that eyes are window of one's soul. So, if you lie I should be able to tell."

"And am I lying?"

"I don't think so... I don't know. I mean, I think you're telling the truth. I would just... I need... more proof?"

"Would one kiss be enough?"

"What?! No, not one! Yes! I... No, not yet."

"If kissing won't do, and my eyes are leaving you uncertain, maybe you should look at my shoes."

"Your shoes?"

"See how worn out and old and... tattered... they are? That just shows that I've been looking for you, _searching_ for you, for all these years."

"Oh, gods! You're...  You actually do... _are_... In love with me!"

"YES! I do love you, you stubborn... Wait... All of those pretty words, poetry, romantic gestures and you believe _my shoes_?!"

"No, I believe Bronn and Tyrion."

"Say what now?"

"They told me that you are very... _terrible_... at flirting. That when you are attracted to someone... The actual word they used is _lame_. And that shoe line? _The lamest_ of them _all_. Really, truly lame! ... Oh, and Jaime?"

"Hmm?"

"Boners do not constitute a romantic gesture."


	88. Diving Deep Down

He was doing sinful things to her with his lips and his hands, all the while trying to have a conversation with her. Brienne was confused, her whole body was on fire, every part of her skin tingling, nerves on the most delicious edge.

"Sorry... You - you asked something?"

"Mhmm... _yes_... love how you are so sensitive just. Under. Your. Ear."

He bit on a soft flesh, eliciting a deep moan out of her.

"Jaime! Ques - question... something... breathing..."

"Ever the dutiful Wench. _My_ Wench!"

"Yours! Oh, gods, yes!"

"So you like that, too. Have to remember it, for future... ende - endeavors."

" _Yes._.. Question!"

"Wondering how long... how long... oh, Wench, just like _that_! You... are... very handy."

Their clothes was rather slowly, in his personal opinion, finding places all over his apartment and on the path to his bedroom.

"You said... you said... it's serious... Diving..."

"Right! It is, it has to do with me... Wench, you torturous, wicked... having unholy ways with you."

"On a pill... and... first time... No STDs. We... Oh, gods, _don't stop_... covered that!"

"I know... How long... I swear you'll be... the death of me... can hold your breath?"

"Mhhh, Jaime!"

"How long, Wench?"

"Don't... not... certain... Why?"

"I can... for about three... four minutes..."

"We can... Jaime! Keep doing... we can _count_... why do you want to..."

"It's good to know... for when we... when I..."

" _Jaime_!!!"

He pushed her naked body on the center of the bed, watching her with hungry look in his eyes.

"Go down on you!"


	89. A Gift To Mankind

Jaime Lannister was in perfect health. He had a perfect body. He was the most physically perfect specimen in all of the Seven's green pastures... His family told him that. Every single article in every single gossip and celebrity magazines told him so. Just like every single teen, young girl, woman (and their grandmothers!) he ever met have told him... or stared at him shyly or hungrily. Depending of the age. And intentions... In return, he took care of his body like no one else. Running every day, before work. Going to the gym three times a week. Played basketball with his co-workers every Saturday. Went for massages at least two times a month. Had his own personal dermatologist and dentist. His personal hairdresser. His personal trainer and his personal chef. He went to his doctor for his annual checkups. Always came back with raving results and same conclusion - _he was perfect_!

Not to be beaten in intellect department, he went to theater, enjoyed opera, played chess, loved sudoku, crosswords and puzzles. He read everything from business pages in newspapers to classical literature and philosophical debates. He was described as witty, charming, of sharp mind, and he was known to easily engage everyone in a small talk - from children to old people, of all shape and sizes. 

Jaime Lannister was, for all intents and purposes, _a gift to mankind_. 

So why was Brienne Tarth, ugly, dull, not particularly rich, with awful social skills and with NOT a boyfriend (he checked multiple times, even the most priciest detectives came back with "she is single and not gay" report) not paying any attention to him was a mystery both his soul and body needed to uncover!!!

 


	90. There Goes The Neighborhood

There was a rapid succession of sounds, doorbell and knocking, disturbing the quiet in her apartment. She stumbled of her bed, desperately trying to cover herself with a bathrobe, bleary-eyed, hair sticking out all over the place, screaming internally and cussing whoever was in the hallway, waking her up from a sleep at... _4am_?!

"Hold your horses, goddamn you, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

She unlocked the door in a hurry and was face-to-face with her next door neighbor, the bane of her existence, notorious Jaime Lannister. Grinning, _semi-naked_ Jaime Lannister. His sleeping pants were hanging dangerously low (and barely) on his hips, his chest full on display. _He is not wearing any shirt, why is he not_... She tried her best to blink away the sleep from her eyes and blink away the images of naked, sweaty, _moaning_ Jaime in at least 67 different positions (she needed to burn that Kama Sutra book asap!) from her mind.

"Hello, neighbor! Hope I'm not disturbing your sleep?"

He was too cheerful for 4 in the morning, pearl-white teeth almost as bright as the lights in a hallway, smelling like he just came out of a perfume shop. She hated him! How could he look so good when she's looking like... _No, you're not going there, Brienne_.

"How can I be of any help to you, Jaime?"

"Ah, this time Wench, I am demonstrating my good neighborly skills!"

"By waking me up at 4am?!" _By calling me Wench?_.

"Look what I have for you."

A cup. He was holding a cup of...

"Sugar?"

"Yes! I am returning to you a sugar I borrowed."

"That was 3 weeks ago. And it's not something that I need nor I want right now. It could have waited a more decent hour, Lannister!"

"True, but what if you're running low on sugar, and you wake up to go to work, and realize you don't have enough sugar for your morning coffee, and you can't run to the store because you don't have time, and your boyfriend is a sleepy, lazy idiot who would rather turn around and continue sleeping instead of going to the store for you? Then what?! You're too nice to ask your neighbor to return the sugar he borrowed, so you would quietly sit and be angry at _me_... Well, in a spirit of good neighborly relations, I am here to prevent the spat between the first door neighbors and I'm returning you a sugar."

He stood in front of her, his grin slightly slipping, while Brienne was staring at him, processing the information she received.

"Wench?"

"You woke me up at 4am to return the sugar to prevent... to prevent... whatever scenario your mind conjured up?!"

"Yes?"

"Jaime, you do understand that... Never mind. Thank you for being a good neighbor. Good night."

"So... Your boyfriend is not going to be jealous you're talking with another man at this hour?"

"I don't have a boyfriend, Lannister. Good night!"

"Good night... Oh, Brienne?"

"What now?"

"Not yet."

"Excuse me?"

"You said you were coming. When you were answering the door."

"And?"

He looked at her, his eyes taking in her whole body in one slow _torturous_ motion.

" _Not yet_."

He smiled, one of his smiles that she firmly believed should be banned, turned around and entered his apartment, leaving Brienne in a very confused state of mind, trying to understand his parting words.  


	91. First, Do No Harm

"You _touch_ her again, and I will rip your head off!"

"Jaime, calm down, please. Take a seat."

"Calm down? _Calm down_?! He just hit our daughter and you're asking me to calm down?! I should go up there and teach that boy some manners."

"For the love of all Seven, Jaime, it's a school play. He didn't _really_ harm her and... and, look, she's waving to you!"

 


	92. Friend In Need

Her moans and almost silent cries woke him up from a sleep. She was sweaty, clearly in pain, and he was at loss about what to do. The maester of Winterfell was... He struggled to depict the man. He frowned. This big of a castle, this big of a danger looming in the frozen lands, and they even didn't have a proper maester for those injured. Jaime considered Lord and Lady of the castle. _Children_! They were children playing war. _Playing adults_. With no real power but their name. Names didn't fight the good fight, nor won battles.

When he approached the walls of their home, offered Lannister men to help, they pretended (for he saw right through them) to think if they should accept it, and if it weren't for Brienne standing next to Sansa, he would've turned his men around and marched back home... Everything else was easily acquired. He demanded to practice every day, to choose his men for needed assignments, to lead his men when necessary, to be on a guard duty with his men (and always when she was on the Wall), to be placed in a chamber next to Brienne's, to stay with her when she was injured,...  

He brushed some strands of hair from her forehead, trying to soothe her, and then carefully not to wake her up, used the washcloth to clean her face and her neck. She was burning with high fever. She mumbled incoherently, her hands clutching the bed sheets, legs caught in layers of covers. The mark on her left cheek was staring at him, _accusatory_ , deep, red and angry, and he hoped that, whoever marked her with his sword, was himself marked by Stranger.

It seemed that his quiet ministrations helped her calm down a bit, still in troubled if not completely restless sleep. Her eyelids fluttered like wings of scared dove, her eyes unfocused yet still as blue as sapphires that songs were made of.

"J - Jaime?"

"Sleep, Wench. You need your strength back. For time being, I'm here to fight off any wildling willing to come and take you away."

She smiled, or at least tried to, her lips forming words he could barely understand.

"Thank you... S - sir... Jaime... You're... a true friend."

He watched her go back to sleep. He thought of her words. _A true friend_. Maybe one day she'll look at him and see the man he is. The man who loves her. And maybe, just maybe, she'll confess her love in return.


	93. Reasons

"Why?"

"Because I love you. I already told you so."

"I... I know, but... _but why_?"

"Why do I love you or why do I wish to marry you?"

"B-both?"

"You're strong. Relentless. Passionate. Stubborn. Honorable. Loyal. Dignified. Proud. Kind. Persistent... You're a true mystery, Brienne. The one I would love to uncover... And, by the way, there would be a lot of _uncovering_."

"Jaime!"

"And counting. There would be a lot of counting, too."

"What's there to count?"

"Your freckles. All shades of blue in your eyes. Blushes on your skin. How many times I can make you angry. Or make you smile... Kisses that elicit moans out of your lips. Touches that make you shiver. Number of days we can go without groping each other."

"Oh, for the love of all Seven, Lannister! You're... you are...incorrigible."

"Is that a yes?"


	94. Doctors' Lounge

"I swear the bite was the size of a dog."

"Considering how his girlfriend looked, I think you wanted to say that he was bitten _by_ a dog."

"Well, ugly or not, Connington, all my nurses were running around him like he was the last man on Earth and yet he only had eyes for her."

"Even after she almost chopped his dick off?!"

"Wait... Did they tell you what happened?"

"It wasn't for me to pry... But I did buy a coffee to young officer Sand. You know she has the hots for me."

"Oh, the Snake sisters. Not bright nor competent, but nice racks, that's for sure!"

"The word is Nymeria bought hers."

"No way! Who did the job, I want to personally shake my hand to-"

"Can we get back to the dick story?"

"Careful, Renly. We all know how much you love dicks, but Loras will have yours off if he finds out you're interested in another man's."

"Just asking out of professional curiosity."

" _Right_... So, according to Tyene, Lannister was minding his own business, sleeping, when his girlfriend decided to give him a proper wake up call."

"Stop right there! Lannister?! As in Tywin Lannister and Co?!"

"Co or no Co, his heir almost lost his ability to reproduce."

"You know them, Snow?"

"Yeah, and being that I'll be a guest at their wedding, I'm officially out of here."

"Back to the story. The girl was apparently very... _diligent_ and -"

"I don't doubt it! With that mouth of hers? She would put vacuum cleaner to shame!"

"Damn, I would love one like her!"

"You guys are disgusting."

"No one is forcing you to stay."

"Professional curiosity."

"My, aren't we all _professional_ all of a sudden?"

"So, professionally speaking, how big it is?"

"Man is a fucking tripod, Walda!"

"Bronn! The story?"

"Where was I... Oh, yeah, the girl was really going at it, but around that time his sister left a phone message, saying she was in trouble and that she needed him, or something, and that's when our Hoover's jaw suddenly _clenched_... and you know the rest of it."

"Bad blood between future in-laws?"

"I don't know. And even if I did, you _know_ I'm no _gossip_."


	95. Maybe

He knows that all he has to do is walk across the hallway, from his to her office, maybe announce to her secretary that they are having a business meeting and that they shouldn't be interrupted, go inside, lock the door and put down the blinds.

Maybe tell her that he wants her and that he wanted her ever since she started working for the company. Maybe clear her desk in frenzy, watch her bite her lips, let her fumble with buttons on his shirt and his pants (rip them off, for all he cares!), see the beads of sweat form between her breasts and impatiently lick them, and maybe take her... right there and then.

He knows that he can do it... if maybe, just maybe, he hasn't called her names. Teased her. Provoked her, maybe sneered at her. Flaunted women around her. Petite, busty, pretty women.

He sighs. Addam told him that acting like a boy pulling at girl's hair won't do. Bronn suggested to "just fuck her senseless". Tywin looked at him with both disapproval and, what shocks him, pity. Tyrion said that maybe, just maybe, he should change his tactics.


	96. Snuggle Bunny

She opens the door to the apartment carefully, always the picture of propriety - even when she's barely holding herself in check, when all she wants is to scream, yell, break things,... It wouldn't be decent to wake up the neighbors or her roommate.

She wipes off the tears that freely run, cursing herself for being "such a girl", her mind replaying the pictures from last hour or so. The humiliation, the sneers, the blood from the nose.

"Wench?"

She hoped she could avoid this, avoid _him_. He is in the living room, on a sofa; she can see the shadow of his form reflect on the terrace door.

"How was your date?"

"Fine." She hates the slight tremor in her voice, desperately praying he didn't pick up on that.

"You don't sound fine."

"It's... Really, it's fine, Jaime. It was fine and I am fine."

He reaches over to the light switch and the soft glow fills the room. He fixes his eyes on her. She knows that she looks like a mess... she always does, but tonight...

"Are you hurt?"

He doesn't move from his place on a sofa, but she can see his arm-muscles tightening, fingers forming the fists.

"Physically? No."

"Come here."

He opens his arms, still not getting up from a sofa, his eyes not leaving hers. She considers his offer, walks up to him and, just like when they were ten and his step-sister called her an ugly freak, falls into his arms, clinging to his waist, while he holds her close, pulling a blanket over them.

"Want to tell your snuggle bunny what happened tonight?"

She snorts and just hides her whole face from his teasing smile. He didn't use that term in ages. 

"Maybe tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow we go and find Hunt. I would like to have a... word or two with him."

"I can take care of myself, Jaime."

"The grown college wench like you? Of course! The little girl in your heart needs help. I am not your best friend only when things are good, Brienne. I'm here for the bad, too."

So she tells him. About the bet. About words that were said. About Hyle's bloody nose after she punched him as hard as she could. About the shocked faces of his idiot friends.

She feels better.


	97. Payment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, I do not write continuations. Don't kid yourselves. 
> 
> This thing just happened.  
> \-----------------------------------------------

"I came here with only one thing in mind - to beat you senseless. To hear the sound of your bones cracking, feel every broken rib I would cause you, see bruises form on your skin, watch blood pour from your useless body... and you deny me the pleasure by falling into a trash can and _all by yourself_. You're such a cunt."

Jaime looms over the scarred and frightened guy, barely holding the smile from breaking on his lips; listens how he tries to explain his behavior as a result of _peer pressure_.

"Friends can be a bitch... Brienne has a few. You maybe heard of them -  Sansa, Margaery? They are _real bitches._ Right now they are telling anyone who wants to listen that you are, how to put it gently... impotent... and that your dick is an inch... short. Before you know it, you'll be named The Floppy Inch and your future with ladies on this and probably every college at Westeros will be non-existent."

Before he turns away, he casts the last glance at pale face going even paler.

"Remember, _Cunt_. Lannister always pays his debt... And you managed to prevent me collect _mine_."


	98. Shared History

"The noises that came out of your bed?! You woke up the neighbors and all The Seven! And the _pulling_ and _pushing_ and... and _scratching_ and _biting_!"

"Father!"

"Now, now, Brienne, there's no room for blushing. It is a natural process between two-"

"Dad, please!"

"I would have to agree with your father, _Brienne_ , and I am interested to hear more."

"Young man, my daughter may be quite a _screamer_ , but lets not forget _you_ were the one making her scream. Biting her on the ear and..."

" Dad, business meeting is definitely not a place nor time to discuss Mr Lannister's and my shared history... that happened over 25 years ago and just because midwife placed us both in the same crib when we were born!"


	99. Drama Club

She came to see the list with same nervous feeling like when she was twelve and she'd kissed the boy for the very first time... or he'd kissed her (they still fought about who kissed who). A little bit of hope that maybe this year, this time... She scanned the names quickly and found her own on a bottom of the list. Again! Three years in a row. A non speaking role in high school's drama production. She knew that with her height and her looks she was better equipped to play football than play damsel in distress; and while she loved sports and thrived in them, she secretly hoped she would get to be a princess or at least princess's best friend in a school play. At least once!

"Hiya, Brie-Brie!" Of course it had to be him. "How did it go?"

"You can see it for yourself."

He frowned, going through the list of names slowly. She wanted to just point and be done with it, but he was dyslexic and she knew this was important for him and his progress.

"Again?! This is not fair. We practiced and - and what's a... _touran wrench_?! How can you play a wrench... for a car... when it's a froufrou piece?!"

"It's not a touran wrench, it's _tavern wench_! And it's not a frou... It's classic Snowspeare and I actually can't believe you know what froufrou means!"

"Annoying sister and even more annoying best friend."

He poked her in the ribs, making her squirm, trying to trigger one of her snort-laughs that he loved so much and loved to tease her about.

"Jaime! Stop it! Come on, we're in a hallway... Lannister!"

"Tarth?"

"I should, of course, congratulate you on being a lead. Again."

"Meh... They just wanted someone pretty and dumb to follow the direction of stage-left, exit-right."

"And kiss Sansa."

"Blah... Don't remind me! Too much saliva and not enough breath mints... Just so it is known, I would prefer to kiss a certain wench. She owes me, from when we were twelve."


	100. A Trip Down Memory Lane

"When you look back at our life together, what is the first thing that comes to mind?"

"That I wouldn't change even one ugly second of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there you have it! A milestone... or 100thstone. :)
> 
> I still don't know whether I'll officially finish collection with this chapter or I'll be continuing... For the moment, I can tell you with utmost certainty that "a chapter per day" is not happening anymore. 
> 
> Love you all who've read, commented, kudos-ed, showed support, bitched, pressured, or simply took time to maybe enjoy this collection of stuff!


	101. Bundle Of Joy

"Come see your new bride, little Lord Lannister".

He walked up to the crib, observing the scrunchy, wrinkled face of screaming, blue-eyed baby. They called her a _bundle of joy_ , but he was yet to understand what was so joyous about her when she refused to hush, even though she was repeatedly told so. 

"But... she's ugly. And not obedient". 

"You will learn to love her when time comes".

He ran to the yard to practice sword fighting, not knowing just how the words of adults would come true some 20 years later.

 


	102. Fairy Tales

She sat on a sofa blinking, her eyelashes like hummingbirds, trying to chase away the tears. From time to time she would cast a glance towards her husband, but the moment his eyes would search her own, she would bury her head in a book she was holding.

"Want to tell me what is making you so sad, Brienne?"

She raised her head slowly, watery skies of blue peaking just above the book cover.

"Not... sad..."

"I can see the tears on your lashes, Wench. What are you reading?"

"Rumpel... Rumpelstiltskin."

"A fairy tale? The one where he steals children? If it's making you this upset, maybe you should stop."

"Not upset! It's... I am not upset, these are the happy tears..."

She was watching him, with knowing eyes, with eyes full of love.

"You remind me of him, you know."

He raised his eyebrow, waiting for clarification.

"He spins straw into gold, Jaime... My hair is straw like, but you... you make me feel golden."


	103. Tree House

"I swear to you, if he goes after her..."

"Then what?"

"I'll... I'll... I will go up there and throw him out of window if needed be!"

"You will not throw a Stark boy, Jaime. They are just playing."

"Playing, _playing_?! They are going up to a tree house, far from my eyes, Brienne!"

"They are kids who still sleep with lights on and wait for a goodnight kiss from their parents. Nothing worth fretting about is going to happen."

"Really?! Do I need to remind you what happened the last time a lecherous boy followed an innocent girl to _that_ tree house?"

" _Lecherous boy_? Innocent... We were five, Jaime!"

"And look at us _now_."

"I am... Would it be that bad for our daughter to grow up and marry her best friend?"

"Her best friend is a Stark."

"And you are a Lannister."

"So are you! You took my name and..."

"And I couldn't be prouder... Jaime, he's just following her to a tree house. They are playing. Please, calm down."

"Just following her. _Just following her_. I followed you, Brienne... and I never looked back."


	104. Awareness

They've been sharing the bed ever since he came to Winterfell with Lannister army in tow. Nothing ever happens; they just sleep in the same bed, in desperate need of warmth.  

He waits for Brienne to fall asleep first. Then he turns around in her embrace, positions himself to better see her face in the darkness. Jaime is always surprised by just how ugly she really is. The ugliness is more prominent now that her eyes are closed and he can't see the blue luring him in it's depths. And yet...

Brienne's skin is as pale as alabaster and naturally so. He remembers how his sister and all the ladies he'd ever met tried hard to reach that kind of creamy white, never letting the sun touch their skin - all in the name of beauty. The freckles that adorn every part of her, look like a constellation of stars and have this strange glow, easily seen against the darkness of their chamber. Her twice broken nose attest to the stubbornness of her character, her will and strong moral. Her left cheek is a proof of Brienne's survival skills and her warrior nature...

Then, there are her lips. Full, chapped by the cold of North and her constant biting. Her lips are begging to be kissed... But he has yet to tell her of his true feelings. So, instead, Jaime kisses the tip of her nose, ever so slightly, and forces himself to sleep. 


	105. The Key To Success

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not and I repeat NOT continuation to Tarth's Tasty Tarts. I do not write continuations. It is known!
> 
> Things just happen. Sometimes.
> 
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The board meeting was proving to be very successful - in boring him to death. His father was speaking, his uncle was speaking, his brother was speaking, then his father again,..., all the while others set at the large conference desk, not even trying to take a turn. Jaime's only amusement came imagining a certain host of a certain TV show. The one he would be a guest of, in mere days.

Explaining to Tywin Lannister the importance of positive buzz in a media, after a downfall caused by his sister's excessive drinking (pictures of her pantyless crotch in every gossip magazine there was, also didn't help), came surprisingly easy. Tywin insisted to watch an episode, _dared_ to call it "decent enough" (Jaime was still livid his father didn't understand the magnificence that was _Tarth's Tasty Tarts_ and it's host!), took one phone call to... someone... and Jaime Lannister was booked to be the next guest in the show. He still remembered watching a preview and catching that tasty Tarth announce his appearance - he barely managed to get in the bathroom and under the shower before his _appreciation_ could soil the new sofa. He recorded the episode and put on repeat those few seconds she was saying his name, to try and tame his body's reaction. Preparation was the key to success! 

Tyrion said something. Something that vaguely sounded like "it's the crotch incident all over again". Father was looking at him coldly. Board directors practically ran out of the conference room. His uncle discretely pointed in the direction of his pointy and not so discrete... groin.

Jaime wondered if it was too late to cancel his guest appearance.


	106. Belonging

Her body belongs to her husband. To her tender, caring husband. Her eyes belong to their children - a raucous bunch, blond and tall like their parents. Her mind belongs to Tarth and it's people. People who stood by their Lady when she returned to rule after her fathers' death. Her heart and her soul... 

Her heart and her soul belong to a man lying miles and miles away, in the land of cold, under the same heart tree where she confessed her undying love for him.


	107. Proper Conduct

"You should never hit a girl. It is dishonest, it's not honorable nor befitting a future lord."

"Yes, father."

"Nothing that girl does can be an excuse for hitting her. Do you understand?"

"Yes, father."

"Good lad."

"It's just... You've hit mother, I've seen it."

"I never laid a hand on her! And I never would."

"But... but, you always fight in the yard."

"That's sword fighting. We only practice."

"Does that mean I can hit a girl in a practice yard? For practice?"

"No!"

"But if she's holding a sword?"

"Well... You can... not hit her, but... _Brienne_? _Lady wife_? I could have sworn she was here a second ago."

"She went that way."

"Oh, did she? She'll pay for leaving me to roast."

"Will you hit her with your sword?"

"No! I would nev-... we just practice sword figh-... _Brienne_?"

"Dad, she hit me first. I was defending myself."

"That's... You should still never hit a girl."

"But mother and you said that I should have to know how to defend myself."

"Right. You should."

"So then it's alright that I've hit..."

" _Brienne_?!"

"I heard uncle Tyrion talking how delightful it was to slap women's firm apples. How can you slap a girl on an apple?"

" _Brienne_?! You will not listen uncle Tyrion... _Brienne_? _You better have your sword prepared, my Lady_!"

"Umm, uncle Bronn says mother holds your sword in check. What does it mean?"

" _Brienne_?!?!?!"


	108. Clairvoyant

"Lady Brienne would make a fine wife. She is honorable, with high moral, dutiful."

"I don't care. She is uglier than a sow and clumsier than Tyrion when drunk."

"You will marry her and try not to embarrass a Lannister name, _boy_."

"And if I don't?"

"You _will_. And Cersei will be married off to any house that will take her, hopefully far away from Casterly Rock."

"You are using us for bargain. It's disgusting."

"No, what is disgusting is my older children's _indiscretions_."

Jaime Lannister, a future Lord of House Lannister, paled and looked at his father's cold, calculating eyes.

"Do you find me a _fool_ , boy? Did you think I wouldn't know? Why do you assume rumors of you and Cersei are scarce at best? It's because I threatened, paid off, killed anyone who would dare take your name to spew lies! To spew _truth_... I may turn a blind eye, but I can still see."

"I love Cersei. I will never love another!"

"Your future wife is interesting enough, so who knows... You will marry Made of Tarth, respect her, respect your House, respect the memory of your late mother, and you will give me grandchildren... Hopefully, with honor future Lady Lannister is bringing along with her riches, they will understand what duty to one name means, when my own children apparently don't."


	109. Going North

He wakes up, someone's arms around him, around his neck and shoulders, his hand palming a breast.

 _Cersei_ , he thinks and before desire to run away gets him into an action, he realizes that arms holding him close are strong, breast he's touching is barely existing.

He gently pinches the nipple and woman sighing his name, _Brienne sighing his name_ , tells Jaime all he needs to know.

Going North was smart thing to do!


	110. Introductions

Upon seeing Jaime Lannister ( _Ser Jaime Lannister_ , as she quickly reminded herself) ride to Winterfell, Brienne wasted no time striding across the yard; kissing him lightly and burying her face in his neck, she hastily apologized.

"I am so sorry, Ser! But, please, I need your help. There is a wildling here not having _no_ for an answer and I can't take more of his leering and disgusting behavior. I thought... If he believes I belong to another... And they already call me your wh-... And you are my friend, Ser Jaime and - "

She was surprised when she felt him slightly move from her embrace, holding her with his right hand, his left gently touching her face.

"Wench? What kind of introduction was that? If that wildling needs to see you're mine, I say give him a real, _proper_ show!"

Before Brienne could ask what he was talking about, Jaime hungrily covered her lips with his own, taking her breath away.


	111. The Birthday Box

At seven years, Brienne Tarth was well acquainted with sadness. Not remembering her mother and brother, listening harsh words from her nanny; she accepted all like she was one of the knights from her books, fighting dragons or evil kings - bravely.

And yet her birthdays were always joyous. With cake, children playing, father laughing, and presents.

Today was the first time her birthday wasn't fun and she was confused. When she approached The Birthday Box placed upon teacher's desk, where all the notes and hand-made cards with birthday wishes were supposed to be, she only found one. She knew that she wasn't liked by all the kids in her class, but Renly and Margaery were her friends, Jon and Loras played with her on recess, even Tormund smiled at her... more than she would like...

Brienne carefully opened the crudely made card only to recognize the bad handwriting of her best friend Jaime.

> Deer Brienne,  
>  as your best frend,  
>  itis my thing to tell you  
>  that evry body likes you,  
>  but I like you the best!  
>  Becouse I am best and you are best!  
>  Other gifts cards are stupid  
>  and you wil find them in your bag.  
>  Mine is best becouse I am your best frend,  
>  and mine best card should only be in prety boxex.  
>  Happy birtday,  
>  Love, Jaime!!!!!


	112. Decisions

Brienne walked around the table in her chamber, considering neatly laid out paper, pen and ink.

This was madness! What she thought of doing was both madness and possibly an act of treason. But she couldn't take it anymore! The constant power play among Lady Sansa and King Jon, cunning Littlefinger, lords of the North fighting each other instead of fighting the common enemy - the whitewalkers.

The North and all of the Westeros was in danger, so with determined face, she wrote few lines.

 

_To Ser Jaime Lannister_

_North needs your help._

_Brienne of Tarth_

 

What she didn't write (yet at the same time hoped Ser Jaime would and wouldn't recognize), what was left out from the message, was simple - _I need your help_.


	113. Sales Pitch

When lights went on, Jaime Lannister, marketing director of Lannister Co., stood proudly in front of a projector screen. He knew he made a perfect pitch and, after some Q&A he already prepared himself for, the deal would be done.

Brienne Tarth was the only one present in boardroom, sitting in her usual seat and looking behind Jaime's back at the screen, blushing profusely. The shade of red was new and Jaime made a mental note to compare it and classify it when he gets back home- the shade was darker than lobster red she sported when he angered her, yet lighter than poppy flower red she had when he danced with her at company's Christmas party.

"So, what do you think?"

"Did you... did you just made a PowerPoint presentation on _Why would Jaime Lannister make a great boyfriend_?"

"Not entirely correct."

She frowned and Jaime realized she never used that frown with him before. Another thing to categorize!

"But... Jaim-"

"I made a presentation on _Why would Jaime Lannister make a great boyfriend **to you**_!"

"Huh."

...

...

"Brienne?"

"Just... processing. Let me... process."

...

"Jaime?"

"Yes, Wench?"

"Your... pitch... had a five-year plan."

"Every businessman will tell you that great pitch has to have plan for near future."

"According to your plan, five years from now we're married, having two children and discussing whether to have a third child or not."

"Right! Did you like the diagrams I made for each of the pregnancies? I'm really proud of that. Took me three days to download all the material necessary for making it."

"Huh."

...

...

"Still processing?"

"No, I'm done. Jaime?"

"Brienne?"

"You haven't include the first date in that... that... proposition."

"Seven help me, I knew there was something off, I just couldn't... Brienne, you sit there, don't you move an inch, and I'll be back in five - maybe ten minutes. I need to add couple of things in the presentation about the first date."

"Or you could use that time to just ask me out? Like normal people do."

 


	114. To Understand Is To Be Free

She kissed the puckered flesh of his stump slowly, reverently, like bestowing a blessing to a child.

"Brienne, wench... You don't... It's... I know how it looks. How it must feel."

His voice was barely above the whisper, his face contorted into a grimace.

"Jaime, this is a part of you. Please, understand... understand that your hand is not disgusting. Understand that there's nothing about you that I find disgusting or unworthy of love."

She offered him a small smile and pressed her lips on his stump yet again.


	115. It's Getting Hot In Here

"Jaime, move... It's too hot!"

"You are too hot, Brienne. I am way, way, _way_ too hot. You and I together? Blazing, scorching hot!!!"

"Oh, for the love of... I'm talking about temperature. It's 'one way to hell' warm! I'm sweating here like a pig; you trying to hold me in your arms while we sleep, nuzzling, isn't helping at all."

"So... Are you saying it's weather that's keeping you awake and that we're _not_ blazing hot? 'Cause if you are, I have more than one way to prove my point. And it all starts with just a simple kiss."


	116. Aesop

"Brienne Tarth is ugly, annoying and stupid. Yeah, I said it! Stupid!"

"She said no to a date? With one and only Jaime Lannister? _Again_?"

"Shut up, Tyrion... It has nothing to do with that."

"Ever heard a fable about fox and sour grapes?"

"Shut. Up. Tyrion."


	117. Freedom

Jaime's whole body lusts for Cersei. Yet his whole being aches for Brienne.

He can contain lust, that much he knows. He stood too many times in front of closed doors to Cersei's chamber, preventing himself to knock or just burst in and take her, no questions asked.

Ache for Brienne? He is not sure he can restrain or control the warmth spreading through his soul, gripping his blood vessels and going straight for his heart every time he thinks of her; the nauseating, yet oddly satisfying, feeling in his gut when he hears her voice, tingles caressing his spine when she's near, images of warrior Lady playing in front of his eyes both in his waking hours and hours of sleep...

Nor he is sure that he wants to be free of them. To be free of Brienne.


	118. Devils And Consequences

"What am I suppose to do with you, Mr Lannister?"

Hands calmly placed on a desk, Jaime sat in his chair, little feet nervously dangling, not quite reaching the floor.

"Would you like to explain why you've hit your classmate this time?"

Green eyes locked with his teacher's, flashed with something aching to pride and disobedience, but in instant he lowered his gaze and shrugged. Miss Tyrell amusingly thought to herself that Jaime Lannister was like no other children she had ever encountered in her 30-plus years long career.

"You know what this means?"

"I am being punished."

"Teachers do not punish children, Jaime. We leave them in a classroom during recess to reflect and...?"

"Reflect and think about consek- consekfences."

"Consequences, Jaime", she smiled, "to think about consequences. Now, be a good boy and don't get into trouble until I get back."

"I won't Miss, I promise. I'll be just here by myself."

"That's what I'm afraid of", she murmured leaving the classroom and casting a look she knew children always interpreted as _I'll be very disappointed in you if you don't listen_.

"J- Jaime?" Blonde head peeked in, eyes searching his.

"Go away, Brienne."

"Sorry I got you punished."

"I am not punished! Miss Tyrell said so. I am consekfencing. It's like fencing, but with a consek... whatever that is."

"Thank you for... You didn't have to... Tormund was just teasing."

"He pulled your braids, Brienne! You told me gazibillion times that you don't like when kids do that. It was my job as your bestest of bestest friends to explain it to the devil."

"You shouldn't have hit him. Daddy says to always ignore children who are behaving badly. And Tormund is not a devil, he's child just like us!"

Jaime hunched his back, looking pointedly at Brienne, his voice barely above the whisper. "Remember how my aunt Genna told us that devils are red and live in places no one ever wanted to go to?"

"Tormund is from North", Brienne whispered back to him.

"Do you want to go to North?"

"No! It's cold and... and it's snowy and... why would anyone want to go there?!"

"Exactly! See, Brienne, he is the devil!"

"I suppose you're right", pale brows frowned, making Brienne squint while she was going through the content of her bag.

"Here, I brought you a present. Sorry it's... it's red." She shyly went over to Jaime to give him an apple.

"Thank you, Brienne."

"Thank you for being my best friend, Jaime", she kissed him on a cheek and hurriedly went out, joining other children in schoolyard.

Jaime looked at the apple, deciding to ask his mom how can they save it from rotting, because that was the present he wanted to keep for all eternity. Also, he made a note to ask aunt Genna about devils and if they were only ever red; after kissing him, Brienne's cheeks were redder than Tormund's hair, and Jaime was certain his best friend wasn't devil at all... Unlike Tormund.


	119. Comedian

"... and I will never bother you again!"

He watched Brienne's always, oh, so, serious face battle with gymnastics previously unknown - there was a twitch in a left corner of her mouth, muscle trembling on her right cheek, lips stretching into a thin line, teeth appearing suddenly and then... and then unusual occurrence have happened! Brienne of Tarth, the gloomiest, most dire woman he had ever met, made a noise, something between snort and cough and... and then she was laughing!

It was a sound Jaime never had heard from her before, and if he wasn't standing next to Brienne, he wouldn't have believed it. A laugh! Full belly laugh, with high pitched squeals and yet unusual girly and giggly quality to it. Tears were coming down her flushed and incredibly pink face, her whole body shaking uncontrollably.

If he wasn't so stunned by seeing her laugh, he would be outright enraged that she was, obviously, laughing _at_ him. Because he knew for certain that he didn't say anything funny...  at all. Mulling over in his head Brienne's never before seen behavior, he failed to notice that she quieted down, broad shoulders still shaking with mirth, smile plastered on her face.

"You... if someone would have told me... you are... I would have never! Why can't you be that guy more? The incredibly funny guy?"

Jaime stared at her. She thought he said a joke... Well, that was at least a progress. Before, she always dismissed his questions for a date by calling them hurtful and him... well, she called him nothing. She would just look at him like she could murder him. Like she... like she didn't believe he was sincere. But now? It was to be a first. She would reject him for being funny... when he really wasn't.

"Oh... oh, my... I think my insides hurt. You know what? Yes, I would go out on a date with you, Jaime Lannister. I am free for dinner at Sunday. Meet me in front of HotPie's restaurant at, lets say 08:30, they have amazing food, and you don't need reservations. I'll pay for my share and who knows, if you behave, I might just say yes to a second date."

She turned around, walking away from him and still giggling, while his "self" was slowly returning to the present moment. Brienne said yes to a date. Brienne said yes! He looked after her and, still in haze, managed to call his brother.

"Tyrion, why would anyone laugh at being compared to manmaids? Hm... you know, those mythical creatures, half fish - half human type?"


	120. Damsel In Distress

Brienne slowly and silently opened the door to Jaime's apartment, using a spare key he gave her "for emergency". She gripped the handle of baseball bat firmly, adjusting to small light in his hallway and living room. She couldn't hear any sound. In her head she ran the phone call she received just a few minutes ago "Brienne, Wench, come quick, I need you". He was breathless and almost... frantic... but insisted that she should not call police nor ambulance, just that she should come alone as soon as possible.

"J- Jaime?"

"Wench, is that you?"

"Jaime? Are you... Where are..."

"The bedroom, hurry!"

She approached his bedroom, took one look and went red from head to toes. Jaime Lannister, her friend and her secret crush, the man she dreamed of, the best looking man in the entire universe (and some out of space worlds, she was sure!), was lying naked on his bed, small towel strategically placed over his... lap. His hands were handcuffed to a headboard, high above. He was looking... he was sex-god impersonated, Brienne thought to herself.

"W- What happe... happened?" 

"It's a boring and long story that I will tell you in a second, just after you free me. You should hurry up, Wench, I think my blood has left my arms and went south... to places I'd rather not think about", he pointedly tilted his head at a small tent rising.

Brienne was looking anywhere and everywhere in the room but at Jaime, somehow finding the ceiling to be particularly interesting.

"How... What... What could I do?"

"Well, for starters, you could put down the bat. Why do you have it anyway?"

"You said... You sounded like you were in trouble and I thought..."

"You thought to be my own Lady Knight! Aww, Brienne, awww."

"Shut your mouth!"

"Make me."

"I... I hold a bat in my hands, Lannister, and you're tied up to your bed. You know well I can do to you whatever I want."

"So why don't you?"

"Ummm... Sorry?"

"Why don't you do _whatever you want to do to me_ , Brienne", his voice dropped an octave or two, gaining the sexiness Brienne hated to hear because that voice... that voice was doing things to her... real, honest to god... no, honest to devil things to her. For there was nothing virginal in the things his voice was doing to her, and she knew it. She believed Jaime knew it, too.

"I think... I think that I should maybe... Maybe call Tyri -"

"No! If I wanted Tyrion here, I would call him myself. Now, come on, Wench, help a guy in need. Give him, give me... _a hand_."

"And how do you propose I should do that?"

"Oh, there's only one way you can do that _satisfactory_ , but we'll leave it for near future. For now, I think the key to handcuffs landed somewhere on a carpet near the bed and you could try finding it."

Minutes passed that felt to Brienne like hours, but she found the key and with trembling hands (her stupid, traitorous hands!) she unlocked the handcuffs.

"Thank you, Brienne."

"No... No problem."

"Great! Now, give me a hug!"

"What?! Why... How..."

"Silly Wench. You saved me! And because my hands are still feeling numb, and I can't give you a Thank You For Saving Me hug, you should hug me."

"I... You're welcome!"

"No, no, we have to do this properly! You are my savior, my knight in shining armor, so I need to play my role of damsel in distress and thank you in the way all those distressing damsels thanked their knights!"

He stood from bed and before Brienne managed to ran out of room, wrapped his arms around her and held her close... _Very_ close. Kind of close that let her feel... _a lot_ of him.

"Jaime?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're... You're naked."

"Mh-hm."

"J- Jaime?"

"Yes?"

"You're... You're kissing my neck."

"I am."

"Why are you kissing my neck?"

"Thanking you."

"Right... Um, Jaime?"

"Wench, maybe you should stop with questions and let me undress you."

"Um, yes, right... No!"

"What is it now?"

"I don't... Why would you... How did... Jaime!"

"Yes?"

"Did you just handcuffed yourself to me?!"

"A-ha!"

"Why... Why would you... Just why?!"

"Because I'm in love with you and I'm pretty certain you're in love with me, and I'm getting you in my bed and in my life, and I'm never letting you go; and I didn't plan all of this so you could just come here, admire my fine physique, and then just leave."

"You planed all of this?"

"Wench, use that smart brain of yours. How do you think I managed to call you if I was handcuffed to the bed?"


	121. Detention

"Hiya, ugly!"

"Hello to you too... idiot."

"What are you in for?"

"Nothing important."

"Color me surprised! One of the most upstanding students of our admirable high school is in detention apparently because of _nothing important_."

"Just... leave it. Why are you here? _Again_."

"Bitch-slapped the cretin who badmouthed my best friend. Got a tiny bruise myself from one of his goons, but it was worth it."

"Violence is never a solution."

"Do I detect a hint of shame? Did _you_ hit someone? Is that why you're spending free afternoon in smelly school library instead of watching another boring history show?"

"Well... kinda."

"Oh, do tell."

"I... I punched the jerk who hurt my best friend."

"Sounds like you have an awesome friend."

"He likes to think so."

"I think I can here _admiration_ in your voice."

"Yeah... right."

"Then why would someone hurt your best friend? I mean, if you are so _prim_ _and proper_ , logic dictates your best friend is prim and proper, too. Prim and proper don't get hurt."

"He was... defending my honor. Or so he says."

"Oh, your best friend is awesome, worthy of admiration and a knight in shining armor?!"

"Full of himself, too."

"I don't think so. I think your best friend is just that - _best_!"

"I'll make sure to share your thoughts with him."

"You do that."

"Umm... Jaime? Thank you for being there for me, when they were... when they... and I hate myself for it, but I did like hearing the sound of a slap on Ron's face and seeing him going down... I'm sorry Hyle took a swing at you."

"It's ok, you introduced him to the insides of his lids... Earned yourself the first walk of shame; Brienne Tarth in a detention. Who would've thought?"

"Dad will be disappointed but really, thank you, Jaime!"

"No problem. It's what best friends are for... ugly!"

"That they are... idiot!"


	122. Hide and Seek

She opened the door to bathroom to let out some steam and did a quick check of her bedroom; Jaime was still in bed slowly waking up, if his stretching and grabbing the sheets (where she was _supposed_ to be) were any indication.

"Brienne, why are you up?"

"Took shower. I have to be at work in less than an hour."

Brienne walked out to reach for her underwear and almost hit the wall in her hasty attempt of retreating, still blushing under the very heated gaze Jaime was throwing her way.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"J- Jaime?"

"Not talking to you, Wench!"

"It's Brie... doesn't matter. Who are you talking to then?"

"Jaime Jr."

"Jaime Jr? You mean your... your..."

She saw him getting up from bed not taking his eyes from her.

"A-ha."

"Why would you talk to... _him_?!"

"Because I've seen something I _really like_ and I want to show my _appreciation_."

He was walking her way, stalking her like a predator, and although she felt a thrill run up and down her spine, she still stood ground. Work, she was going to...

" _Work_! I... we don't... time..."

"We'll make some."

"I've just come out of shower!"

"You can always take another."

"But... but... _I've dried myself_!"

"Oh, I can make you _wet_ in no time."


	123. Safe and Sound

Blue eyes surrounded by freckles, Brienne's only features on otherwise Jaime's face, peeked out of heavy covers.

"Daddy, tell me a story about mother and how great of a hero she is."

"Which one, my love?"

"The one... how about the one... the one when we lost her?"

"Joanna..."

"You always say you'll tell me, but you never do!"

"That is a very sad story and not the one for goodnight sleep."

"But..."

"One day, darling, when you grow up and when dad is less hurt by memories of the day... Now, how about the story when your mom fought the ice dragon or the one when she fought the bear and saved me?"

"Grandfather said you were a true hero! You saved mother from a bear!"

"There's more than one way to be saved, Joanna. And trust me, I was maybe crazy enough to jump into that thrice-damned bear pit, but Brienne... your mother, she saved me. She saved me in all the ways a man can be saved."


	124. Property of Tarth

She stared at the photo that, just few minutes ago (probably more than hour ago), popped up at her Raven feed. King's Landings' police official site published one of the "hello, this is us, guys that protect and serve, helping little ol' ladies" photos. It was spontaneous, it was charming, it was innocent.

It was driving women online into a frenzy!!!

Brienne was... livid... was maybe too harsh a word. She was offended. And not because of the words said... maybe _a bit_ about the words said... but mostly how women completely and utterly objectified her best friend and roommate Jaime! And other two officers, of course. Women were ogling Jaim... police officers, like he was... like _they_... were... like they were a peace of very meaty, very tasty, very  _succulent_ stake. Oh, one perpetrator even called him... _them_... called them beefy. One woman was thanking them for bringing her the _wetness_ she was in a dire need of, after a very _dry_ season. Brienne's ears burned in embarrassment when she realized the double meaning behind it. 

And they wanted to have his babies! _Their_ babies. Babies of the officers in a picture! And just because Jaime was the only one outed to be single, which he was, they were zeroing in on him the most. Officers Snow and Baratheon were very much liked too, and also highly desired on the "baby-making" list (list also included more than one... Brienne counted... 43, 44... 45, as of now! ... _positions_ for better baby-making time... she was still confused how precisely "reverse spread-eagle" led to pregnancy); but Jaime was single and he had golden hair, and perfect teeth, and great physique, and arms ripped like...

Brienne's eyes grew wide like a saucers! One woman was suggesting to be _frisked_ by Jaime. One said that she had drugs hidden somewhere on her and demanded to be _fully searched_. Other woman was asking officer Lannister if he would allow her to check the size of his _baton_ and wondered if all of the _staff_ was this _big_. One said that Jaime only had to come to her door, she would provide the handcuffs!

Brienne fumed in anger for her best friend and roommate Jaime. Sure, he was gorgeous as sin, had a smile that could easily melt all the snow in far north, eyes that could pierce you straight through the lowest of the lower abdom... _gut_! Could pierce you straight through the gut. But those women... those... silly, h-horny women... didn't know how _evil_ he truly could be - with his teasing and laughing and smirking and... and evil... remarks. That he always got away with, because he was also evilly good at making her favorite cheese cake. Kissing her on a cheek. Touching her shoulder. That bastard was soooooo good at touching her shoulder. And puppy eyes. And calling her Brienne. How dare he called her _Brienne_?! In that... in that... tone... and rolling the "r" and... calling _her_ Brienne! In that tone. The audacity!

She battled the idea of going online and telling those ladies to stop being sexist. And stop objectifying Jaim... objectifying officers. Stop suggesting the... suggestions. Stop asking what only she was allowed to want. In a dark, far away and deeply buried pits of her heart. Because Jaime was her best friend and roommate and she was in lo-...

In a haze she stood from the table and reached for her phone. She dialed the second person on her speed-call list (first being Jaime, of course).

"Sansa... You were... You were right. I _am_ in love with Jaime."

Incoming deafening scream was muted in less of a second that took Brienne to realize that Jaime, her best friend and roommate, just entered the apartment and witnessed her confession. Oh, Brienne knew he heard her! If it wasn't for the honest, pure smile slowly stretching his lips, his words to... whomever was on the other side of his phone... would be enough of indication.

"About that relationship status of mine? Being single? Change it to _property of Tarth_."


	125. Trust

Her watch on the Wall ends and, instead of going to her chamber where she should be resting, she goes to the highest tower to stand vigil until Jaime returns.

He kissed her that day, like so many times before, told her to _stay alive_ and _I'm coming back to you_. She knows Jaime, he is an honorable man and if he told Brienne he'll return, if he promised, he will.

"My Lady?"

"Pod?"

"Maybe you should... inside... It's cold, my Lady."

"He's coming back."

"It's been two moons, my Lady, and with the wights out there..."

"Ser Jaime said he would be coming back."

Mumbling, apologizing, Podrick leaves her... It's better that way. She is tired explaining to everyone and anyone that Jaime is not... He couldn't be. Jaime Lannister is an honorable man who kissed her and promised to return to her.

And she knows he will.

She trusts him.


	126. The Heat

The heat should be welcomed this far in the North, amidst all the cold and snow, and fear and terror that grips the hearts of even the most seasoned warriors.

Yet Brienne tries to shake it off. She feels guilty for she knows that heat is welcomed and needed, and she is not in the position to share it with the rest. Because the heat she feels doesn't come from burning logs (that are scarce at best), it doesn't come from heavy cloaks she and others wear; it comes from deep within her, from her soul and her blood and her whole being, and is instigated by just few lines.

"Your eyes are ridiculously blue, Wench. Never hide them from me."


	127. The Crusher of Hopes and Dreams

"I know I'm... I'm ugly, but... Do you think I'll have a boyfriend when we grow up?"

"Of course not! And not because you're ugly. 'Cause you are not ugly, Brienne. You're... you're like a panda. Weird looking, but rare. And you like to eat your greens, just like pandas do."

"So then... Why will I not have a boyfriend?"

"Because I will crush all of their hopes and dreams!"

"You can do that, Jaime? How?"

"Well, father says you first buy all of their _storks_. And then, then you own their company. And then just when they think they are standing on their two feet, you sell them, but... you don't sell them as a whole. You sell them by tiny pieces. You make money and their hopes and dreams are crushed!"

"Why would someone hurt storks?"

"I don't know, Brienne! I thought that maybe I hadn't heard him correctly. Maybe it was _stalks_."

"Or _stocks_?"

"But sheep and cows have four legs, and I remember father saying standing on _their two feet_."

"Oh... Alright. And what happens if a boy... If a boy is like Tormund. And his dreams and hopes can't be easily crushed?"

"Then I'll just have to do what I've done to take _Boremund_ off your back. I'll kiss you! And the boy will think you're all mine... Which is stupid. We are already each others best friend. Kissing to prove we're best friends is really stupid."


	128. The Seven

He first cursed The Seven when his mother died, denying the world of her warmth. He cursed The Seven when Cersei, his beautiful sister, was sent away from him. He cursed The Seven when all his dreams about becoming the valiant knight scattered off with whispers of _Kingslayer_ behind his back. He cursed The Seven when Cersei was married off, when children she gave life to (and he gave seed for) were strangers to him. He cursed The Seven when that Stark boy discovered their secret and when he didn't die. He cursed The Seven when falling to Robb Stark's hands, kept him away from the woman he longed for. He cursed The Seven when stubbornly ugly wench wouldn't talk to him on their trip South. He cursed The Seven when pain would shoot right through his whole body and when ugly wench would clean him from vomit and shit. He cursed The Seven when he dreamed of her and when those dreams inexplicably made him jump into a bear pit for her. He cursed The Seven when she called him honorable man, when she would look at him like he was worthy of... like he was worthy. He cursed The Seven when he sent her away, ugly wench becoming _Brienne_ , becoming his best friend, the best friend he was never to see again... He cursed The Seven that he still dreamed of her... He cursed The Seven when Tyrion, his one strong hold to sanity in Lannister household, killed their father, running away gods know where. He cursed The Seven when his daughter died in his arms and when Cersei blamed him for it. He cursed The Seven for not having the news about Brienne, not knowing how far in her quest she'd went, not knowing if she was alive. He cursed The Seven when righteous Blackfish refused to kneel, when he got to see Brienne for just a glimpse before he returned home. He cursed The Seven when home was cold and dark and his sister set on a Throne, their last child surrendering to death. He cursed The Seven when Mother of Dragons killed half of his men, when their screams reawoke the memories of other men burning inside their armors, pleading for help. He cursed The Seven when his sister showed no empathy, when she accused him of treachery and yet she, herself, backed off the deal she made.

Jaime thanked The Seven for first touches of snow. Fresh air. Open field.

He thanked The Seven that burden of love he once felt for Cersei was lifted away from his shoulders when, riding North, he caught up to Brienne, her blue eyes watching him in disbelief and wonder. He thanked The Seven for a winter cloak she provided, but more so for her presence even when she would just sit next to him, not saying a word. He thanked The Seven for traces of a smile on her face, of those freckles coming to life whenever he teased her, of furious blush covering every inch of her skin when... many times, for many different reasons. He thanked The Seven when they've reached Winterfell, the Starks and Targaryen queen not delighted to see him (alone, without army), but didn't comment on it because Brienne was standing by his side, face firm and stoic in her claims that she trusted him. He thanked The Seven when Bran, the boy he crippled, said he trusts him as well. He thanked The Seven every time the horn would announce the upcoming threat, him and Brienne together in a fight, her warrior skills unmatched on a battlefield. He thanked The Seven when Brienne released the smallest of breaths when his lips touched hers for the very first time. He thanked The Seven when, receiving the news of her father's death, he was able to offer Brienne his strong shoulder, fierce hug, gentle caress, comfort. He thanked The Seven when, receiving the news of his sister's death, Brienne was there for him, too. He thanked The Seven for those moments of solitude when it was just him and Brienne, sitting together in silence, polishing their swords. He thanked The Seven when Brienne sought out his company, his friendship, his advice. He thanked The Seven when Tyrion, watching them, told him that he was proud of him, confusing him and never explaining the reason why. He thanked The Seven when Brienne said _yes_ to dancing with him, ignoring the requests of pushy wildling. He thanked The Seven when spring came and it was officially declared that the war was over. He thanked The Seven when those left alive didn't care that he was once the Kingslayer, for he was now one of them. He thanked The Seven when Brienne told him she was going to Tarth and that she wished for him to join her. He thanked The Seven when Tyrion, laughing at him, simply told him that Brienne just proposed the marriage and that he would do good if he was to propose back to her. He thanked The Seven Brienne patiently waited while he was trying to put the damned Lannister cloak on her shoulders. He thanked The Seven he didn't smirk and that he was able to keep his tongue in check when Brienne fumbled with her words of marriage vows. He thanked The Seven there wasn't the bedding ceremony and that he wasn't drunk; that Brienne, his wife, his love, surrendered her body to his will. He thanked The Seven she accepted his surrender too. He thanked The Seven she never lost the fierceness, refusing to be just another Lord's wife. He thanked The Seven when news of pregnancy caught him already sitting on a chair, otherwise he would be lying sprawled on the ground embarrassing both him and Brienne. He thanked The Seven when his wife gave birth to a healthy, screaming blue-eyed boy. He thanked The Seven when after their first child, in years to come, two more screaming healthy babies came. He thanked The Seven he still dreamed of Brienne...

Jaime cursed The Seven that he was lying on a battlefield, dragons roaring above his head, wildlings screaming, swords crying, wights advancing, blood soaking his clothes, life seeping out of his body, while he still dreamed of Brienne.


	129. The New Surroundings

The pain he felt in his head was nothing compared to the cold and wetness he felt under him. He was lying in the snow, trying to understand the whole new situation he was in; the quick assessment of the surroundings told him that he was on a friendly turf... well, as _friendly_ as the Stark land could be for a Lannister. Even quicker assessment of his own body told him that his parts (even those... _especially_ those... hidden in his trousers) were intact - minus the hand he had already lost. The only thing left was to try and uncover why was he sprawled on the ground.

"Bloody fuckin' hell!"

"S - ser Bronn?!"

"If it isn't Podrick fuckin' Payne! What are you doing here waving that wooden stick, boy?"

"I'm... I'm on a lookout, S - ser."

"And how much of a lookin' did you do?"

"Ser?"

"I don't see any hot little asses trottin' around in this fuckin' wasteland!"

"S - ser, I am here guarding..."

"Yeah, boy, I can see that. Not that you're good at it. What in the all hell were you thinkin' when you decided to hit Jaime fuckin' Lannister on the head?!"

"I was... There was... Black cloak and..."

Jaime fuckin' Lannister in question made a sound, almost like growling, trying to lift himself up; what was proving to be a difficult task now that his clothes were soaking wet with melted snow.

"Maybe we could finish that interesting conversation somewhere warmer and after you've helped me up?"

"Podrick, what is the... Ser Jaime?!"

"Lady Brienne."

"What are you... doing... here?"

"I'm getting acquainted with the snow, _hospitality_ of this land, and that stick young Payne is carrying."

"S -ser, I didn't mean to harm you, I was doing my duty..."

"Ah, and one of your duties was to hit poor cripple on the head?"

"Ser Jaime, you should stop teasing my squire."

"And a fine squire he makes. Come, lad, help me get up."

Before Podrick could come to Jaime, the yank up from strong warrior hands, _Brienne's_ hands, brought Jaime on his feet where he was met with the bluest of eyes, the moon giving them almost a silver shade and, with it, the brand new quality. Eyes that could prevent a man of shivering. Eyes that could prevent a man of going back to his once loved sister. Eyes that could prevent a man of thinking. Eyes that could make a man forget his surroundings. Eyes that could make a man forget everything and anything that existed in this world... everything except for those eyes.


	130. Justice

"You may rise, Kingslayer, to hear your sentencing."

Jaime slowly stood up from where he was kneeling, and looked at the Dragon Queen straight to her eyes. No need to play humble. Not now. Not when her mind was obviously made up.

"Kingslayer. A man without honor. A man who killed his rightful king. A man who left king's children fatherless. A man who committed more crimes in the name of his House than anyone here present made good deeds. A man who deserves to die."

The slow murmur of approving voices broke through the silence, heads nodding in the apparent consensus. Jaime didn't chanced to sneak a glance to where Brienne was standing. He couldn't handle her being anything but strong and fierce Brienne that he loved so. Not after so much trouble of speaking in his name, defending his actions, calling him honorable. Calling him Ser Jaime.

"Only a mad person would grant you a life, wouldn't you agree, Kingslayer?"

Her eyes were violent purple, not showing a hint of warmth or empathy for him. She took a slow walk from the throne she was sitting on, coming to the last of the stairs.

"They say I inherited my father's madness. I must have, for there is no other reason to sentence you... to live."

What started as a roar of agreement died the second her words registered. The room was silent, and then a sob, Brienne's cry, muffled, pained, _relieved_ , filled the space and minds of everyone present.

"Jaime Lannister, from now on you are to be known as honorable man, a friend and a loyal subject to the throne. Kingslayer you should be no more."

"Your Grace..."

"Save your honeyed, golden words for better use, Lord Jaime. And go to Lady Brienne. She needs them more than I. She deserves them more than anyone."


	131. The Words That Rhyme With...

"What did you do now?"

"Tyrion."

"I'm serious. I just saw Miss Tarth storm off with a face... like yours is - moody and dark... Jaime?"

"Nothing happened. Nothing. We had a very productive meeting with those Frey idiots, we draw up some papers, signed some deals, when idiots left we celebrated with a glass of Scotch, we were relaxed, I gave her a poem to read, she didn't say a word, I asked her if she liked it because I wrote it with her in mind and -"

"You wrote a poem. For Miss Tarth... You wrote _a poem_ for Miss Tarth?! _Brienne Tarth_?!"

"You said that I should try and -"

"And be nice to her, maybe ask her out; I said nothing about writing a poem!"

"I was, Tyrion. Being nice and all. But it wasn't working. And I asked her on a date. Three times. Just yesterday. And a day before. Today I asked her two times. The stubborn woman thought that I was joking. And maybe possibly that I am the devil. Or... that's how she looked at me. Like she was battling the idea of running away or killing me."

"So you thought writing a poem would be a good solution?"

"I thought if it was from a heart... Listen. Brienne is all about honor and dignity and high standards. And blue eyes and long legs. And she really dislikes grand gestures. Or... fakeness... Hence the poem. And I... Well, you know that I dabbled in writing. Got some accolades."

"You've got a book for shared forth place. In elementary school."

"That's not the point. And I was robbed for at least a second place! But I wasn't teacher's pet like that Baratheon bastard who-"

"While I enjoy listening to you reminiscing of glory days passed, we should focus at today's problem... Do you still have poem in question?"

"Here. Read it for yourself."

...

...

"Hmmm..."

"And?"

"I have to say that it's not bad. Your style could be a little more refined, but... not bad at all."

"I knew it! The hell is wrong with that woman?! She's all leggy and blue-eyed and... there... And I am... here... trying to-"

"Yes, yes. Leggy here and blue-eyed there, I hear you... Jaime, about the poem? What is it that you wanted to convey?"

"What do you mean? It's clear. I wanted to say that she is just like a stone, resilient, she's strong, she may appear to be cold outside, but she's passion and warmth inside, like a lava that goddamned thing is made from!"

"Ahhh, and the word you wanted to use is _obsidian_."

"Huh?"

"Obsidian, Jaime, obsidian. Not... _ophidian_. Obsidian is the goddamned thing made from lava. Ophidian is... It's snake. Also, it's a monster from Dungeons &Dragons."

"You're saying that I called Brienne, my leggy, blue-eyed Brienne, a snake and a-"

"A monster. You called her a snake and a monster."

...

...

"Brienne? _Brienne_?!? You're not a monster! You're not even a snake! I didn't want to use that word! _Brienne come back_... You are not...oph- ophydiant! You are _obedient_! Do you hear me? O-be-di-ent!"

"Jaime, it's not... Oh, boy!"


	132. Fire

Flames, red, hot (and painfully so), wrapped her whole body, licking the sensitive skin, leaving traces of burn and scent in their wake. Brienne's throat was hoarse, be it from screaming, be it from _fire_ , but she was unable to form words. Sensation, wrecking her whole being, made her lose the consciousness.

She was revived, refreshed, _reborn_ with light kisses on her temple and cheekbones, Jaime's fingers making small patterns on her rib cage. His voice gained the whisper quality, words of love, and life together, falling from his lips with ease and with promise of serenity and joy to come.

And in that moment Brienne realized that she could never fall out of love, _fall out of Jaime_... for as long as she lived.


	133. Home Is Where The Heart Is

Anyone visiting Tarth was always talking about waters surrounding the island. Waves lazily crushing to the shores, salt in the air, rich colors of the sea. For Brienne, growing up and leaving her home, being in the North and fighting, dreams of freedom were filled with Tarth's waters. Droplets kissing her skin. Seagulls dancing high in the sky. Sounds of children screaming in joy, playing in the sand.

Returning home she discovered that, while the waters remained the same - the waters of her dreams - she was drawn more to the island's land. Lush green stretching for miles, everywhere you looked. Meadows, hills, fields, forests, all were far more interesting to her than her childhood's sea. For meadows sparkled in a dawn the same way Jaime's eyes sparkled when he teased her. Hills loomed over the lands just like Jaime's eyes loomed over anyone who dared to belittle her or, worse, try to hurt her. Fields were peaceful and silent, just like Jaime's eyes were when he was sitting beside her next to a camp fire. Forests were deep and luring, just like Jaime's eyes were moments before he would kiss her.

Brienne loved Tarth's waters.

She lived for Tarth's lands.


	134. Worthy

Winterfell was cold and unwelcoming. But respectful, which surprised him. Jaime believed that it had to do more with kind words few people said of him, than his own charms and wits. With kind words _one_ person said of him.

His restless eyes fell on Lady Brienne. Maid of Tarth. The only person in this whole damned place worthy of... Worthy. The only person in this whole damned place _worthy_. She was calm, stoic, her face carved in stone, determined, her back straight as an arrow, her eyes...

He found out that her eyes were unique just like she was. Alive. Strong. Vivid. Brave. Smart. Sad. Curious. Warrior. Woman. Beautiful. Her eyes were beautiful. Once he compared them to sapphires and after seeing the waters of Tarth he thought them to be sea-like. Deep and mysterious. Dangerous and peaceful. Full of life if you respected it, with promise of death if you fought it and tried to shape it to your will. Clear like the sky after the storm.

Blue.


	135. Deadly Beauty

For the longest of time, twin blades made from fine Valyrian steel were parted, never to see each other again.

They cried in joy when they were finally reunited. They moaned in misery when two warriors wielding them left them in their sheaths. They hummed in appreciation every time their blades were taken care of, be it with cloth or polishing stones. They sang on the battlefield, screamed and roared at the enemy. They giggled when children or seasoned fighters said praises in the name of their deadly beauty.

Buried in the ground, hilts sending prayers to the sun above, they stood in the awe and for the first time made no sound; for The Maid of Tarth and Lion of Casterly Rock knelt in front of the heart tree, whispering words of eternal promise and love, words of forever and belonging.


	136. Authenticity

"Miss Tyrell, I would like to switch roles with Tormund."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"I would like to play the bottom part of an ass."

"It's a donkey. Watch your language... You know you would go from being one of the leads to a supporting role?"

"It's how you always say, Miss, there are no small roles, only... I forgot how it goes. But, I want to switch."

"Fine, fine. Now, young man, you understand that you would also play other minor roles in a play that Tormund had? The cook, one of the guards,..."

"I want to be a guard, Miss!"

"Being a guard doesn't mean you get to hit Torm... I mean... children with sword."

"Um, yes, Miss... Miss, can a guard kiss guard-Brienne?"

"Excuse me?"

"On a cheek! Can a guard kiss Brienne on a cheek? For... et- etna- ethnicity."

"Authenticity?"

"That too, Miss. So, can I kiss her?"

"We'll see, Jaim-"

_"Brienne? Brienne, come, we have to practice kissing! Miss Tyrell said so!"_


	137. The Long Night

Jaime thought that stories of the Long Night, of darkness and cold and its repercussions, were exaggerated at best.

With Brienne's firm body curled around his own, her breath warm on the back of his neck, he only felt light and heat; and the Long Night seemed to be just a single, swift moment in time, lost in his wife's loving embrace.


	138. Of Birds and Wenches

"And how is my favorite _fench_ today?"

"First, my name is Brienne. _Brienne_! Second, I am your favorite nothing, and third, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me... wenc - fench?! What's a fench?"

"You know how you love it when I call you wench?"

"I don't and I -"

"Now, because you love it when I call you wench, I thought that I should show you my appreciation, and not just because you embraced the -"

"I did no such -"

" _Because_ you embraced the nickname, but because... Alright, do you know what's a _finch_?"

"Excuse me?"

"Finch, Brienne, finch. Do you know what's a finch?"

"A... a bird?"

"Not just any bird, Brienne! It's the most cutest, most darling little thing out there, with joyful chirp and the smallest, prettiest red beak that just reminds me of your nose when you've spent too many hours out in the cold! Or out in the sun... Your nose doesn't like to be out and about much, huh?"

"I'm... Stop smirking! What in the all Seven are you talking about, Lannister?!"

"The point being, like you know, is that you're a wench."

"Am not."

"You _are_ a wench! But not your average, boring wench. So sometimes you're boring, though rarely. But, you are also the cutest, most darling little thing and you have red nose and... can't you see? You're also a finch! You are a finch and a wench! You are _fench_!!!"

"I hate you."

"You love me, fench."

"Shut your mouth!"


	139. The First

"I've never done this before. It will... It will probably be bad... I will probably be...", and Brienne hates how she blushes and how her voice trembles. She faced countless men, men she despised, on a battlefield; why is it so hard to face one man, the man she loves, in a chamber?  _Their_ chamber.

"And I've never done this before either". His reply is strong if only a bit quiet. He walks to her, sure in his step, sure in himself, so sure in them.

"Jaime, I am not your first... _anything_ , you don't need to lie to me. I know you loved her. I know what she meant to you."

He pulls her in his arms. "Brienne, but you are _first_. My true love", Jaime kisses her cheek. "My life", he kisses her temple. "My wife", and his lips find Brienne's.


	140. When Dreams Come True

The strong blow at red bastard's chin was truly satisfactory, Jaime couldn't help but think. Hitting Torment... Boremund... _whatshisname_... with his left fist was what songs sang about. But that one slam with his golden hand, that crunch heard all across the courtyard, was what the stories, _the myths_ , were made of.

"You come near my wife again, you so even try to talk to Lady Lannister, and I will end you. Do you hear?"

Bubbles of blood coming from where mouth and teeth once stood, suggested to Jaime that wildling in question heard and understood the point that Lion of Casterly Rock was making. _Lion_! People forgot that he had that nickname for a reason. _He_ almost forgot that, in a midst of "Kingslayer" and "Oathbreaker" slurs thrown his way. Once more he raised his right arm to deliver one final blow...

" _Ser Jaime_?"

He recognized the voice but he couldn't place it in the crowded courtyard.

"Ser Jaime? Wake up! Wake up, please."

"Brienne? What is happening?"

"You were having a nightmare, Ser."

"I was?"

"You... you yelled and cursed and... Look at your hand. You probably can't even stretch your fingers out, so firmly they form a fist."

Jaime shook the last reminder of sleep from his eyes to see the Lady of Tarth's worried sapphires focused on him. _A nightmare_ , she said. His mind conjured back the images of a fight, his golden hand making a mess out of a Giantsbane's face, his lips calling Brienne his wife, calling her a Lannister.

"It wasn't a nightmare, my Lady, but a dream. And of the sweetest kind. The kind you know deep in your heart that one day will come true." 


	141. In The Land of The Living

Jaime's strong yet brief hold of her shoulder and hurried "be safe, my Lady" was enough for her to survive the first clash against the wights.

While she stood firmly holding the Oathkeeper, her eyes surveying the battlefield, Brienne could only hope that her own mirrored gesture was enough for Jaime to live, too.


	142. The Battlefield

Brienne realized that kissing with Jaime was just like sparring with him; no matter how inexperienced she was, how unsure or hesitant she might appear, Jaime would always be the one to yield first and surrender.


	143. House Call

"You h-eally shouldn'd boder, Shaime, I'll be ub and avay az zoon az pozible."

"Wench, you can't talk properly and, let me tell you, high temperature is not a good look on you."

"Don'd call be Vench! It'z... Bri... It'z Briehne!"

"Funny how you can still say your name... Kinda... And how you can get angry at yours truly -the only one who actually came to check up on you- even with your nose running and coughing fits positively wrecking your body. It's that _vench_ part I didn't get. I never called you Vench. It's Wen -"

"Shud ub Shaime! Ged oud and leafe be alone!"

"Didn't get that part either. That leafing thing... Is that a new mantra from one of your tv shows? _Leaf be alone_! Has a ring to it. Ecology, am I right?"

"Shud ub!"

"Now, Brienne, no need to yell. It's hurting your tonsils. Look-y here, I brought you a soup."

"Zoub?"

"Chicken soup."

"I like chigen zoub."

"I know you do. Now, be a good wench and eat this while it's still warm and then go get some rest. I'll... I'll try and clean your living room."

"Dhank you, Shaime. You're a drue friend!"

"Yeah, just... eat that and be quiet."

He turned around to observe her living room - a place that looked like it was simultaneously hit by a nuclear tissue-bomb and snotty-tsunami. In the center of that mess sat Brienne, hair like bird's nest, runny nose, eyes bloody and with huge bags under them, pyjamas rumpled and sweaty. And yet his heart still swelled at the sight of her... He slowly, trying to disguise his disgust, reached for a really wet and mucus-covered handkerchief.

"The things I do for love."  


	144. Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Chiara!!! 
> 
> (Sorry it's not bigger and better, it was a last moment's idea.)

He entered the hall where celebration was in full swing. The war was long and hard, many of good, brave men lost, and more was yet to come. But the Starks, in their rare moment of not-stubbornness, listened to Northern lords, listened to Tyrion, listened to Jaime (!), and decided to host a night dedicated to those who died - by celebrating life, not mourning. Moral was already on the shaky grounds, so why not lift it up with music, poor rations of wine and mead, and meat. Even if just for the night.

Jaime let his eyes roam the hall, not paying attention to anything or anyone in particular. His mind was occupied with more interesting, if not troubling, conversation he had with young Stark boy. Ever since he came to Winterfell and their first awkward meeting, Bran was finding a way, finding a moment, to talk to Jaime. For his part, Jaime usually listened, engaged less than what was considered polite; the guilt he felt was still strong even if he never chose to show it. And the boy... The boy always had something cryptic and confusing to say, something that usually left Jaime awake in the night. The last thing he said was far more strange than anything said before and Jaime was still mulling it over in his head. _The first reluctant will lead to forever_. The first what, when, whom from, forever what?!

He saw Brienne in the corner of the hall. Stoic, tall, unmoving. She never danced, she excused herself from every gathering that involved... well, fun... and was deemed to be a boring and dull person... A wannabe... A wannabe hero. A wannabe knight. A wannabe man... A wannabe woman...

Jaime smiled, walking to where she stood. The only thing that could unburden his mind (unburden his soul) was Brienne. Always Brienne. Stoic, tall, unmoving, boring, dull wannabe. The hero of his dreams. The knight of his heart. A man braver than any he'd ever met. The woman he loved. And he was going to make her dance. No matter how long and hard he had to try to convince her. No matter how reluctant she would be at first, even if it would take forever to... He stopped in his track, eyes searching for Bran's. Small nod and even smaller smile from usually expressionless boy was enough to add a sway to Jaime's hips, a spring to his step, a question on his lips.

"My Lady, would you do me an honor and dance with me?"

(With one thought on his mind. _My Lady, would you do me an honor and be my wife?_ )


	145. Pound For Pound

The pounding in her head, caused by Jaime drunkenly yelling under her chamber's window and waking her up, could only be matched by the pounding of her heart when just mere moments later he professed his undying love for her.


	146. I am His

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Aerest... she knows why. ;)

"If you want to refuse me, Brienne, I want _you_ to know why are you refusing me and to be sure in your own decision. Don't lie yourself and don't doubt my words. When I say "I love you, I want you" I am not saying it because of gratitude or some twisted sense of owing a debt to you. Oh, I am grateful! Make no mistake... I am grateful that you exist, that you are in my life. I am grateful for every scar, wrinkle and freckle on your too large frame. Frame I'm also grateful for... I am grateful for your hands, for your long legs, for eyes that make me wish things, Brienne. Things I once never dared to wish for... I am grateful for your teeth and large lips, for that birthmark you have just under your left hip bone... Don't look at me like that. I saw it when you emerged from bath in damned Harrenhal, like some giant water nymph... I am grateful for your blushes, strength of your character, for your honor, for calmness of both your body and mind... And I do owe a debt to you, Brienne. Not the debt of life. I am as much alive for your actions, as you are for my. Brienne... Stubborn, hardheaded Wench, I owe you the debt of a heart! This weary, old heart denying me eternal sleep because you are in it, keeping it beating... So, if you doubt my words, words coming from a man who broke too many oaths to even remember the number, and yet somehow always stayed true to you... don't. Don't refuse me for not believing me, for doubting me. Refuse me because you doubt _yourself_ , what you want out of life, what you want from me; because you doubt your feelings, because you dream of something else, because you dream of _someone_ else... Because you don't love me."

"S- Ser Jaime?"

"Yes... Lady Brienne?"

"I have your answer."


	147. The Frog Prince

"Are you dressed like... You _are_ dressed like... _Why_ are you dressed like a toad, Jaime?!"

"Felt appropriate ever since you told me you're going to a party dressed like a princess, Wench. Now, you just have to do your part and kiss me."


	148. Their First Time

Wink and a blush. Tentative step. Nervous hold. Clumsy lips. Clumsier hands. Zipper found... Traces of skin. Hesitant touch. Exploring bodies. Clothes on a floor. Trickles of sweat. Cool bed sheets... Searching eyes. Love and awkwardness. Simple nod... Slight pain... Rhythm found... Shock wave... Slowing of a tempo...

Bliss. 


	149. Hands

Her hands, holding the reins to a horse that slowly walked under the burden of two people, were steady hands.

Her hands, cleaning his face and stump from dirt and mud, were gentle hands.

Her hands, wielding a sword against the enemy, were strong hands.

Her hands, holding his own while saying those sacred words in a sept, were woman's hands.

Her hands, thrusting a sword deep into his chest before wights took him from a Stranger and claimed him as theirs, were hands of mercy.  


	150. Father Knows Best

"If any of you fail me... You _don't_ want to fail _me_."

Tywin Lannister sat in his chair watching the pale faces of his employees hurriedly scatter from his office, task in their hands... Everyone but a small, ugly, smirking face of his younger son.

"Something you need?"

"No, just... _admiring_... your dedication to a Lannister name."

Grey brow made the attempt to rise slowly before remembering that words of a younger man seated across of him weren't interesting enough. But, sure, even that made Tyrion continue with his musings. Aloud.

"I was certain that you didn't approve of Jaime's wife to be. You made that clear more than once. She's not rich enough to be a Lannister. Her last name doesn't strike respect and fear like ours does. She's not ambitious enough. Didn't attend the best schools. She's socially awkward... And, yet, here you are, screaming bloody murder, arranging the complete destruction of one major media corporation, couple of small news outlets and everyone that works for them just because... because they made fun of Brienne. Sure, they may have crossed the line with some of the words used but..."

"But _nothing_! They dared use slurs against a woman who is to be married to your brother. Married to _our_ House. Give Jaime children!"

"Give you grandchildren?"

"Logic dictates so, of course... I will not have some lowlifes and sheep spew venom towards the woman who has more sense, moral, honor, dignity,... _What_ now? Take that look off your face, boy, and explain yourself."

"By the Seven... You _actually_ approve of her. You... Father, you like her. I never knew you to like anyone."

"Don't be ridiculous, Tyrion. I do not like her. She is marrying Jaime and becoming a Lannister. Enough for me to take some action... And while we are on a subject of marriage, when are you going to follow in your brother's footsteps?"

"Oh, look at you being funny and all... I am not marrying. I am a god of tits and wine and gods don't..."

"I think you should find yourself a nice, rich girl and..."

"Got to go, Father, be a busy little bee, trying to bring more money to the famed Lannister name."

Tywin watched his son's retreating back and, the moment Tyrion disappeared from his view, hit dial.

"Genna, dear sister of mine. The boy is becoming restless and more disobedient by the hour... Do your magic and find him a woman to marry... The Tarth girl for Jaime was a stroke of genius. You should see him now... Yes, yes, I know... I will have to pretend to disapprove of her just like I did with Brienne... Not to worry. I know how to manipulate my children."


	151. Wedding Ceremony

He watched with fear how that giant from the North stormed towards them, moments before Brienne said her vows.

He watched with horror how Brienne slipped her hands from his own and smiled to the redheaded bastard.

He watched with perverse pleasure how Brienne's fist connected to mutton-eating bastard's chin.

He watched with happiness how Brienne turned to him and blushed seeing his face full of admiration.

"Now, lets finish this wedding ceremony. I've got me a chamber and a wench to tame."

"Jaime!"

"Fine... I've got me a chamber and a wench to be tamed by."


	152. Showing The Appreciation

"Now do you see my problem?"

"No, I can't say I do, dear brother of mine."

"What do you mean you... Tyrion, I'm having... _erections_... in the most unusual and embarrassing places. I swear, someone will call the cops on me and soon."

"Wouldn't be the first time that a Lannister was arrested for indecent exposure."

"Yes, we know all about your drunken shenanigans at Cersei's wedding."

"One of the proudest moments of my life!"

"Right. Couple of women fainted witnessing your... _pride_."

"It _is_ a thing of beauty, Jaime."

"I will have to bleach my brain one of these days. But, as we are speaking about... _things_... what do you think then?"

"I can't say for certain that yours is a thing of beauty..."

"Tyrion! I mean... about my problem _not_ being a problem?"

"Lets recapitulate. You had boners at a board meeting, cemetery, coffee shop, pool, cinema, zoo, schoolyard,..., am I missing something?"

"Library and a parking lot."

"Shall we analyze one of the incidents? Ahem... Schoolyard. When was that?"

"Three days ago. I went to pick up Podrick for our big-brother activity, waited for him, wench suggested that him and I could go..."

"So Brienne was there?"

"She's my secretary. I was taking a company car and you know I can't drive those vehicles with manual sticks!"

"Don't we have chauffeurs for that?"

"I don't understand what chauffeurs have to do with my story. So anyway, Brienne suggested..."

"Fine. Tell me about the coffee shop."

"That was probably a month ago. I was buying myself regular black coffee and just as I asked for more sugar, Brienne demanded..."

"Ah, I see. Cemetery?"

"I fail to understand how can you _see_ anything when you keep interrupting me?!"

"Just indulge me."

"Olenna's funeral. Well, priest was going on and on about meaning of life, and I... I guess I got a bit... emotional. Wench offered me a handkerchief, then I..."

"You're not having a cock problem, Jaime. Not in the way you think. You are maybe an idiot, blind idiot at that, but you don't need medical help."

"Then would you explain to your _idiot brother_ what seems to be a problem, _doctor_?"

"Brienne."

"Brienne?!? There's nothing problematic about the wench. Other than being all honorable, and _Jaime do this_ , _don't do that_ , and _how could you make the Freys cry_ , always judging me with those incredible eyes and..."

"You do realize that in every story of yours Brienne was there when boner struck?"

"Not true. You didn't let me tell you all the details. And besides, she wasn't present in all of the... situations."

"Name one."

"Board meeting! She wasn't present at the board meeting. She stayed at her desk. Did her... secretarial things."

"Could you've seen her?"

"Nope! And before you ask, she never entered the office. She wouldn't dare when father-is-yelling-and-heads-are-rolling is on the agenda. He even had to told her twice not to inte..."

"So she did enter at one point?"

"Never. They talked over the intercom... _What_?!"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"I know you! I demand the answer..."

"Miss Tarth! My poor heart always skips a beat when I see your name flash on a phone screen. And how is my favorite employee of Lannister and Sons Co?"

"Mister Lannister, I am sorry to interrupt your meeting, but Mister... umm... Lannister... other Mister Lannister... is urgently needed for the conference call with Dorne."

"It's Tyrion. And Jaime will be there in a minute. He needs to... _freshen up_."

"Of course. Should I bring him some clean clothes?"

"I don't know. Jaime? Do you _need_ to change into something else? Maybe pants? ... He's nodding his head."

"I'll be right there, Mister Lannister."

"Such a diligent young woman, wouldn't you say Jaime?"

"Shut up."

"Maybe you should go into my bathroom before she gets here? You wouldn't want to scare the girl with your accidental, completely innocent and in-no-way-related-to-her _massive_ _appreciation_ of... my fine office interior design."

"I hate you!"


	153. Knights of Pearly Whites

"Children, as a part of our 'Kindergarten-Dental Health' activity, every single one of you will go and see Dr Sam for a quick check up - he will take a look, see if you are brushing your teeth regularly, and then report back to tooth fairy so she would know who to visit later this year... Everyone has a favorite toy with you to keep you company?"

"Miss Tyrell?"

"Yes, Brienne? Oh, you're taking your sword with you! To fight off every caries-dragon approaching your teeth!"

"Y - yes, Miss... Miss? Jaime didn't bring any of his toys, so I was wondering if he could share mine?" 

"Jaime, our other brave knight, defender of pearly whites! Do you want to take Brienne's sword with you or maybe some other toy?"

"Miss, you said to bring our favorite _anything_ in the world, not our favorite toy. So I'm taking Brienne!"


	154. Sellswords' Plea

"Ser Jaime, your actions are irresponsible and... and... wrong! You could have hurt... the boy! Podrick is still not trained enough to spar with seasoned warriors."

"Lady Brienne -"

"Irresponsible! And you failed to ask for my permission. He is my squire and my duty as his... as his... He could have _died_!"

Jaime Lannister watched with confused eyes how Brienne of Tarth stormed off, her back hastily retreating from a yard, almost dragging young Podrick Payne with her.

"Bronn? What just happened?"

"You were yelled at, lover boy."

"I am not... Nevermind... Why did she yell, though? And what harm she spoke of? Podrick clearly whooped my lordly behind, to the point that he would've made me yield if he wasn't a very decent lad, letting me keep an ounce of dignity among all these people. And she saw it!"

"She couldn't yell at you, so she yelled at him. Because she wasn't worried for him, she was worried for you, Lannister. Not that she could ever tell you. All cooped up in her little world of denial, just like your fuckin' ass is."

"Bronn, I am in no mood to listen to your delusions... And you couldn't have been more wrong. Brienne is... Lady Brienne is too honorable to care for the likes of me."

"Lannister, where you gained in wealth and good looks, you've lost in brains. You are a blind idiot! She is an idiot, too... And by all the fuckin' Seven, you two will succeed where wights failed - in sending me to my early grave, with your pining and longing and stupidity! I am begging you, for my sanity if not for yours, go and fuck her already!"


	155. (Un)attainable Women

He never thought that he would travel this far North. _Be_ this far North. That he would live among Northerners and wildlings, fight next to them. For Lannisters never treaded the lands of... _commoners_... Oh, there were Houses up North, ruling and exhibiting their own laws. Considering themselves a nobility. High-born. But the Lannisters and Targaryens and, yes, even Baratheons, always knew better. For all their fierceness and loyalty and that northern smugness they displayed - unlike the others, Northerners' smugness mostly laid in their belief they were above that petty feeling... _any_ petty feelings whatsoever - they were never in the same league as the Great Houses from the rest of Westeros.

And, yet, here he was, Jaime Lannister of once great House Lannister, House that brought up and nurtured many famous (and infamous, he was aware of his own reputation if nothing else) names, rolling in a mud of Winterfell's courtyard like some... some _pig_... and what for? For honor. And not even his own. But the honor of that stubborn, ugly wench that was condemning him right now with her impossibly blue eyes. If she wouldn't show him appreciation for fighting a ginger bastard (and defeating him!) that so rudely touched her (she said that he only - _only_! - brushed her elbow; oh, but Jaime knew better), who leered at her ( _that_ she couldn't refute - she herself blanched when he came her way), and who dared suggest that she was a monster (a monster to carry and give birth to ginger bastard's big monster children - his words, no less!)... well, then... then... He didn't know what he would do. But he was angry. And upset... And jealous... And if a stubborn, ugly wench ( _Brienne_! as she kept reminding him), with her condemning blue eyes, approached him and helped him stand up, completely ignoring that bloody (and bloodied!) ginger wanker, and if that sole act managed to ignite hope in his weary heart (for it did just that)... He wouldn't acknowledge it... Not yet. Not until he was sure of her own feelings. Until... until he was sure that Brienne loved him back...

For Jaime Lannister, of once great House Lannister, was done with being in love with unattainable women. Even if that one particular unattainable woman had the most gentle touch, caring for his wounds (ginger bastard managed to split his lip). And soothing voice. And freckles that were the cutest thing he ever saw (that one he maybe said out loud... if a blush, spreading all over her face and  consuming all the freckles, was any indication). And lips he dreamed of kissing (thankfully, that he didn't disclose). And neck he so _desperately_ wanted to lick (he was infamous, after all). And other body parts that he needed to make his and do... things... to them ( _infamous_!). And heart as big as it was guarded. And shy smile. And smart, if not quick, mind. And loving soul. And brave and steady hands (she needed those, to haul him off a ground and lead him to his chamber). And honor... Honor he tried (and managed) to defend... For which she was still berating him. Though her eyes were not condemning anymore. They were warm and... and something else. Something he couldn't depict right now,  'cause his lip (and his head... most of his body, to be truthful) had hurt... And stubborn, ugly wench still wasn't offering her gratitude.

Yes, Jaime Lannister, of once great House Lannister, was done with being in love with unattainable women. He just wasn't done with being in love with Brienne of Tarth. And he was certain that he never will.


	156. Raining Cats and Dogs

There she stood, helplessly trying to stop a cab - ignored by pedestrians running to hide themselves from the onslaught of bad weather, rain and wind and mud, ignored by cab drivers rushing to stop for _pretty_ women or well-dressed men.

"Gods, wench, you look as ugly as the weather itself is today!"

On her left stood Jaime Lannister, lawyer to Lannister, Lannister and Lannister firm, offering and, without waiting a confirmation from her, ushering her under his own umbrella. She hated the smugness of both the man himself and a name of said lawyer firm. Almost as much as she _hated_ the fact that somehow, when faced with him in a court, he always managed to win. Or... she always managed to lose.

"What do you want?"

"I am a gentleman simply trying to help a woman out."

"Since when am I a _woman_ to you?! And between calling me wench and few other choice names, parading the courtroom and belittling everything I say in general, I fail to see your gentlemanly behavior."

He looked at her and Brienne thought for a moment that his eyes were caught in some kind of blazing fire, somehow easily turning to a pool of forest's green she enjoyed every time she hiked the hills of Tarth.

"Do not mistake my lawyer persona with me, _wench_. If I'm _parading the courtroom_ , like you say, I am doing it to win the case and I don't care if the opposing lawyer is a woman, a man or a... cuddling puppy. I move to kill every single time, because I am doing what's best for _my_ clients... No wonder you at the Stark firm lose so many cases if you're expecting the others to behave like _gentlemen_ and not professionals. As for calling you names, I am pretty certain I heard you calling me a few choice names too... Kingslayer being the one. Idiot, being the other."

Brienne was certain that her cheeks were redder than the stop-lights. She was angry at him for... well, if she was honest to herself... assessing _correctly_ the way that Starks run their firm. And she was mortified that he knew how she called him behind his back... and that he remembered how she threw those names to his face once... or maybe two times.

"As for belittling everything you say, or not considering you a woman, we can discuss that misconception of yours in the car that's approaching us... Over there? That's my driver. Or you can stand here trying to hail the cab. I'll even lend you my own umbrella. Decision is yours... _Brienne_."

He gave her the umbrella and got into the car leaving the backseat's door open. She could hear him cheerfully talking to his driver about the day they both had, about everything and nothing at all.

"I swear, Mr Lannister, you are the only person I know who is happy when it rains. Who... who sees... _prett_ y things in a hailstorm and such."

"Remember, Peck, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I can't help it if I'm giddy when it's storming outside. It reminds me of childhood, but that's the story for another time... Wench, are you getting into a car or can I order my man here to whisk me away to where _all the pretty princesses_ like me live?"

She felt like the fire within would consume her whole being! Jaime Lannister, smug lawyer from Lannister, Lannister and _Lannister_ (gods, she _really_ hated their name!), the opposing attorney in more of her cases than she was willing to remember, actually knew about the nickname she bitterly gave him in one of the rare tirades she had - after loosing to him in the very important and very publicly reported Targaryen case.

"Well, in or out? Don't let me freeze waiting for your decision. It wouldn't be _gentlemanly_ of you to win a case because I was too sick to drag my handsome face to the court."

Ah, yes! The smugness she hated, that made her back snap straight and made her hold her head high, was back. In one swift move she entered the car, slapping the wet umbrella to his chest.

"Hell would freeze over faster than you could... _Jaime_. And I overheard you just now. You love the bad weather and when it's... well... awful outside."

"True, on both accounts. Peck, my man, lets go! We'll leave Ms Tarth to wherever she wants. Wench, where to? Wench?"

"Hmm? Oh, King's Landing Lane 234... Didn't you basically say just now that you love storm and rain and... and bad weather?"

"Yes?"

"But... But didn't you say that _I_ was as ugly as the weath - "

"I say a lot of things!"


	157. Destination

While his children and grandchildren were trying to hide their tears - pain unbearable only felt once and a decade ago - Jaime Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, drew a ragged breath and, with a smile on his lips and the love in his heart, managed to murmur _I'm finally coming to you, Wench_... before his eyes closed forever.


	158. Deep Blue Sea

He held the tiny bundle in his arms, their firstborn, and watched in amazement the eyes reflecting the waters surrounding Tarth.


	159. Dangers of Cold Weather

"Scoot closer, wench, I am freezing my ass of!"

"And _why_ should I care for you ass, Lannister?!"

"But it's such a fine ass. Firm and... _bounceable_. Wanna check? Who knows, maybe you'll even like it enough to warm it up. Heck, I know you would like it enough!"

"You're insufferable. Remind me again why do I tolerate you?!"

"Because I am the best team manager you've worked with? Because we've been friends... ok, on _friendly terms_... for the last year? And because there's no men like me. Only me, wench."

"Change the word _men_ for the _ass_ and you'll be correct in your statement."

"There's no ass like mine. Only mine... Awww, I didn't know you've noticed!"

"Oh, for the love of..."

"Seriously, though, get closer. It's cold, Seven knows when the electricity will be back again, and they say the best way to get warm is to share the body heat."

"Right, so why are you not sharing it with someone else? Like... I don't know... Someone who is _not_ me?"

"But your body is so large. It's the biggest _heating_ _object_ in this damned cabin. And my fragile health has needs. You wouldn't want me to freeze to death or... get cramps?"

"There's that ski instructor... Torman... Torment..."

"Ah, but he has eyes only for Jon... Or maybe even me. See the way he's observing me right now?! Wench, the night is cold and full of terrors, and he might terrorize me."

" _Fine_... Keep your hands to yourself, try not to talk much, or _at all_ and... Why are you grinning?"

"I am?"

"Yes, you just grinned."

"Sorry, funny thought entered my mind, but it whooshed out as soon as it came."

"Hmm... Whatever... Who are you giving the thumbs up?!"

"No one... Ok, fine, you don't have to _stare_ at me... Just Tyrion... He... ummm... Helped me hatch a plan of getting a... _rare bird_... for myself. So I showed him that I am happy with how a plan is working out for now... What?"

"Nothing."

"I can feel you judging me, Brienne."

"I am not. I just don't believe your rare-bird story... Hey! What are you doing?! I said to keep your hands to yourself!"

"And I am. If it looks like I am _hugging_ you it's... You're large! You could squish my arm if it stayed between my and your body. This is _just_ for practical reasons... And it's more comfortable. Right... Brienne?"

"Well, I supp- I suppose you're right... It's definitely warmer, I think."

"Of course it is!"

"Jaime? You're grinning again."

"Another funny thought."

"Somehow I don't believe you... I hate to admit it, though, but it _is_ more comfortable sitting this way. And warmer... and... _Jaime_?!?"

" _What_?!"

"Did you just... did you just show a middle finger to Tormere... Tormus... the ski instructor?!"

"I would _never_ do such a thing! I told you of dangers of cold... My poor finger is just cramping!"


	160. A Smile

A tavern wench smiles sweetly and Jaime's heart flinches remembering a smile hiding the crooked teeth, his own wench still day's ride away from him.


	161. 'Tis the Season

He strode to an office party purposefully, arrogantly, _proudly_ , according to his status of the Lannister heir, unbecoming to a costume he was wearing - a human sized mistletoe.

But he didn't care for the looks of the others, for he learned early in his life _not_ to pay attention to the opinion of sheep... For he was a lion. A lion on the hunt... He zeroed in on his target - the giant wench dressed like an elf. Adorable, giant elf. A woman who was proving to be the sweetest, most _torturous_ bane of his existence. A woman who blushingly managed to avoid every single mistletoe he hung in his office, her office, in the corridor _leading_ from his to her office, in the elevator,...

Goddamned woman wasn't just the giant elfin wench. She was also a ninja! How else was to explain that she successfully bypassed all of his kisses... or... mistletoes placed _strategically_ to bring the kisses his way... But now, now when he was dressed like a huge mistletoe...

He smirked. Oh, there wasn't escaping him this night! Him nor his kisses!


	162. Goosebumps

The ride to North is as tedious as it is neverending, so Jaime amuses himself by watching that little part of the skin on Brienne's neck - not hidden with a large amount of fur and cloak - imagining all the goosebumps his kisses could cause.


	163. An Anchor

"What in the name of all Seven are you doing here, Brienne?! I told you to stay behind!"

"Ser Jaime..."

"Don't you dare! This whole world is gone to hell, gods know how many... if _any_... will survive and you've decided just now to disobey me! We are heading into the biggest fight of our lives and... Do you have a death wish?!!!"

"Ser..."

"I can't have you die, you stupid, stubborn wench! If we all are to meet the Stranger, you're the one who needs to survive. I... _I need_ _you to survive_ , Brienne!"

"Ser Jaime... Ser Jaime, have you ever seen a shipwreck?"

"What are you talking about?"

"A shipwreck. I've seen a few... Tarth is a beautiful island, Ser, it's land and people are... calm, mild, but strong. It's shores though... we haven't survived for so long just for being good warriors, you know... When I was young I saw ships being dragged to our beach. In vain hope to salvage what... to _salvage_. Saw how... dead... and haunted and... and I saw how every ship, no matter how bad it was, how much of a destruction it went through,... every ship still had it's anchor... That's why I refuse to stay behind."

"Wench?"

"You're a ship, Ser Jaime. I am an anchor. I go where you go."


	164. To Be Replaceable

"One of these days, Jon! Mark my words. One of these days the giant lass would be mine."

"Are you talking about _Brienne_?"

"Not sure about her name... I am talking about blonde giantess that haunts my dreams... And, oh, what a dreams!"

"Didn't she reject you? Repeatedly?"

"Playing hard to get! That delicious ham of a woman."

"And didn't she... beat you couple of years ago? In a bar, when you tried to... kiss... her?"

"The woman knows I like the hellcats."

" _Right_... and she married Jaime Lannister... because?"

"Just to make me jealous. It's working, I have to tell you."

"And she gave _birth_ to the three Lannister children - ?"

"To show me she's fertile and that she'll be able to carry our monster babes when we get together."

"Tormund, she had the restraining order issued against you."

"She'll come around. When she get bored to death with that fancy-pansy of her husband.. And! It isn't my first."

"I don't k -"

"You _don't_ a lot of things... Yeah, King's Landings' zoo has their order issued, too."

"A zoo? Why would a zoo - ?"

"Those bastards are keeping me away from my Sheila, Jon!"

"Sheila... Sheila the bea - "

"They are killing me! Why, Jon?!?! Why is the world so cruel?! Blonde giantess... she could be replaced in my heart... But Sheila? SHEILAAAAAA???"


	165. Of Butterflies

When she got a diary for her 16 birthday, Brienne realized there wasn't _anything_ interesting about herself to write down. She was awkward. She loved her father. She was loved by her father... And she hated butterflies...

She scratched the last entry. She didn't "hate" the butterflies. She was taught by her father never to hate. She... _strongly disliked_ them.

And all because butterflies she knew were made of pure _evil_. And weirdness.

First, they would always show up unexpectedly. Usually when there was a lot of people - peers - around her. Making her mumble or stumble or... or trip on her shoelaces. Just so they could evilly embarrass the living daylights out of her. In front of said "a lot of people - peers - around". Then... then they would manifest in (on?) the most unusual of places. Flapping their wings lightly on her cheeks. Giving her face ugly red color. Or doing somersaults in the pits of her stomach. Oh, not even somersaults! They would run, jump around, dance rumba (or was it samba?), or just throb with ungodly intensity. And always, always, _always_ when stupid Jaime Lannister, her senior by just one year (and her first door neighbor since she was five) would walk down the hall of their high school, pulling her in a hug, beaming at her like she was someone... important... and not _just_ his simple best friend. Like... like he... felt something _less_ friendly and _more_... more romant -

No, no, scratching that too! Brienne didn't "strongly dislike" butterflies. She absolutely positively hated them! For it was easier for her to hate the butterflies than to hate stupid Jaime Lannister. 'Cause how could you hate the boy that you secretly love so much?


	166. Fog

A thick suffocating fog that clouded his mind, surrounded his heart and blinded him for everything other than Cersei, was lifted up and scattered away the moment he kissed Brienne and felt her body tremble in his arms.


	167. What Matters Most

Cersei doesn't matter. Sansa, Jon and dragons don't matter. Neither do whispers and side-looks. Cold doesn't matter. The wights don't matter. Words of "kingslayer" and "beauty" maliciously thrown their way don't bother them.

The only thing that matters is how the fine lines of their bodies, curves and edges, how the beating of their hearts and the music it produces, mold together to fit in all the right places.


	168. Theater Safety

He watched Brienne with fascination.

She commanded the stage, every line, every emotion on point - delivered perfectly; every pause just long enough to breathe the new life into a scene she acted... Brienne, his best friend, too shy for his lewd comments, too good for this world (and every man that could possibly come her way... except for him... he would be perfect for her!), was apparently an amazing actress... and, oh, fuck all the Seven, her blush... her blush that crept up on her cheeks and ears when he complimented her... Her blush would be the death of him. Of him and his...

While escorting her home Jaime listened as she demurely (yet passionately) talked about... something... Theater _something_... He could only concentrate on hiding the tightening of his pants that got proportionally worse as her blushes progressed... He shuddered... aroused and slightly scared.

Who knew theater could be that dangerous?


	169. The Work of the Devil

Brienne took a sip of black coffee (drink of the devil... which is probably why Jaime loves it so much) washing away a taste of eggs with bacon (food of the devil... which explains why it was Jaime's favorite), watching the back of said devil (very naked back of said devil!) standing in her kitchen, babbling how, now that they are finally a couple, she should have let him bring her breakfast in bed.

Because that's how devils work their charms. Surprising the innocents with their late night (string quartet!!!) confessions and kissings and breakfasts in bed, making them fall in love so desperately.

  
Stupid, evil, charming, naked devils!


	170. Snowflake

"What part of _like a tiny speck of dust floating in the air_ you don't understand?! And what part of _be gentle like a snowflake_ isn't clear enough"?

"I'll give her a snowflake when I shove -"

"Jaime!"

"Oh, come on, Wench, she is torturing us!"

"No, she is not torturing _us_ , she is torturing _you_. And it's Brienne, not a wench."

"Well, sor-ry! But I am here so you and I can learn not to trip over our shoelaces when we do the first dance on our wedding day, Brienne. Not to become a ballerina! I honestly think that we should -"

"We are not doing a mash-up. And I am certainly not going to _wiggle_ to some obscure Rihanna song."

"But, Brienne..."

"Shut your mouth and be a tiny snowflake-ballerina, Jaime!"

"Brienne? ... ? ... Wench?"

"What now?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, snowflake."


	171. Sparring Match

Jaime talks. Jaime talks too much.

He teases. He annoys. He smirks... He always smirks... His lips do funny things while he talks and teases and annoys and smirks... that make Brienne want to punch him on the mouth.

With her own mouth.


	172. Diagnosis

"Aunt Genna? Hypothetical question: if a man murders his own... kin... but it's a mercy kill, he would be forgiven by both his family and society?"

"You're not killing your father, Tyrion. The old goat certainly deserves it, but remember your delicate stature, boy. Plus, you're not pretty. You could hardly become someone's bitch in jail. And you love sex too much so the abstinence would be the death of you."

"You know me so well, auntie."

"I sure do. Now, what did my brother do to gain the meeting with a Stranger?"

"Oh... I am at his office. I think he's having a stroke. His face is... contorted and his speech is... he's mumbling something on repeat."

"What happened?"

"Jaime told him he's marrying Brienne."

"Good for them! That girl will finally make an honest man out of him. Also, do not bother with Tywin, he's probably just smiling. It would look like a stroke on a face like his."

"Hmm, you could be right."

"I am usually. If not always."

"Wait, wait... I am finally starting to understand his gibberish, so I can tell you that you are _definitely_ right."

"What is he saying?"

" _Grandchildren_!"


	173. Panic

He had lost Brienne!

The feeling of utter fear and helplessness was gripping his chest. She was... gone... missing...

He turned around, watching the countless faces around him - swarming in, drowning him, but she was nowhere to be found. Vile, ugly poison was forming in his mouth. His heart was drumming to the beat of thousand soldiers marching,...

He knew what would happen next. The search parties would form looking for her, quitting after two months or so. But, Jaime? Jaime would search for her his every waking hour! For she is his Brienne! Years would go by, he would become an alcoholic, jaded and bitter old man, and then she would show up... with amnesia... because he is just that 'lucky'. He would -

"Jaime, here's your vanilla ice cream! I just couldn't resist buying it for us. Who could've guessed that it could get so warm inside a mall."

Oh... Oh, right! Nevermind.


	174. A Work in Progress

"I have the biggest, giant crush on Brienne... I mean, figures it would be _giant_.. with me being tall and such."

"Yes, but you are tiny compared to her. So, wouldn't you have a _tiny_ crush?"

"Shut it, Tyrion! There's nothing tiny about me. And if by chanse there is something tiny, trust me - I am _huge_ where it's important."

"Your ego is huge, you're right. Not sure how the girl is handling that."

"Excuse me?!"

"I said not sure how Brienne -"

"No, it's not what you said. You called her the girl! She has a name, you know. How dare you disrespect my wife and mother of my children?!?"

"Jaime... she is not your... you two never exchanged more than two words in the office. Snarks and insults, mostly. Pretty certain she hates your guts."

"We are the work in progress."

"I suggest you progress faster, because that liaison with North is... _liaisoning_ his way up to her."

"Let him try and I'll fire his ginger-ass!"

"He is already pass trying, brother. Look at him."

" _Ginger_ - _ass_!"

"Jaime, he's Giantsbane."

" _Gingerbane_ , _you_ _are_ _fired_!!! _Wench_ , _I_ _want_ _report_ _on_ _that_ _Davos_ _case_ _in_ _a_ _minute_!"

" _Already on your desk_ , _Lannister_. _And_ _don't_ _call_ _me_ _wench_! _It's_ _Brienne_!"

"See, Tyrion? Crises averted _and_ Brienne and I exchanged more than two words with each other. I would consider that a development."

"You still managed to insult her and look at her eyes - she's shooting daggers your way."

"Such lovely eyes... And I told you! We are the work in progress."


	175. Organ of Betrayal

She wills her eyes not to follow Jaime's form. She commands her body not to shiver when his cloak brushes that tiny part of her exposed skin. She trains her mind not to think of Jaime the first thing in the morning. She steadies her legs not to stumble when he looks her way.

Brienne is in power over her body, mind and soul. She is in control.

And yet... there's her heart. Her heart that beats wildly in her chest when she sees him smile. Her heart that leaps in joy when he teases her. Her heart that sings songs with Jaime's name on its lips. Her heart that bruises her rib cage just by hearing his voice. 

Her heart. Her treacherous heart. That organ of betrayal. 


	176. Ocean Storm

From time to time her insecurities get on a surface from very deep within, from places of her soul and her heart where they usually lie rotting, locked in a cage, almost forgotten. They come suddenly, unprovoked, questioning herself and what she does and feels, consuming every part of her mind, like an ocean storm drowning everything around... everything that is _Brienne_.

Jaime hates those times. He hates them because no matter how much he tries, he can't figure out what to do to help her. Or if what he's doing is helping at all. He can't find the pattern - why they sometimes last for just mere minutes and sometimes for hours or days... But he soldiers on. Holds her hand. Touches her lips with his own. Makes a trail on her skin with light movements of his fingertips. Whispers sweet nothings in her ear. Looks at her like she's made of stardust and night sky and supernova. Shows that he's there for her.

Just like Brienne is there for him when their roles are reversed and he is the one drowning.


	177. In Technicolour

While he is contemplating suicide... or just never leaving his room out of embarrassment... or moving in with monks (is she seriously going to reject going with him on a prom?!?), Brienne slowly nods her head and shyly whispers _yes_ and, suddenly, Jaime is seeing CGI birds chirping, flying above her head, rainbows are shooting out of her eyes, sun is waking up on her lips and little Tyrions and Bronns (those two will never stop saying _I told you so_  he knows it... annoying bastards!) are dancing around her shoulders, waving the pom-poms...

...and that's when Jaime realizes that he is in love with his best friend.


	178. These Boots Are Made For Walking

Jaime knows he is  _not_ in love with Brienne. He knows it!

It's just that his legs are quitting their official job of keeping him standing, instead taking on another position - turning into jelly - every time she... or, to say... her _legs_ are near. And if they are not doing that, his legs are following Brienne's legs. Trying to come close, maybe intertwine with her own. 

And he tries his best to oppose, to stay away, to turn his back, but his legs are having a mind of their own, not listening to him or his pleas, always doing what they want - inching so slowly, so carefully to wherever Brienne's legs are.

Jaime knows _he_ is notin love with Brienne.

It's his legs. They are in love with Brienne's legs.


	179. Law and Order

"Ugly."

"Stupid."

"What are you in for today?"

"Prostitution charges. You?"

"Gun possession. Judge and angle?"

"Stark. Catelyn. She's all about family and honor. It just happens that my client was doing all of this to help her brothers and sisters. No family other than her. And she was willing to do any job to provide for them. There's more honor in helping your family than leaving them to suffer."

"Nice! Seems I trained you well, young grasshopper."

"Oh, please... What about you?"

"I am incredible. In everything I do. At being me. It is known... As for a case? Stark.  _Ned_. My poor client never met his father. Or mother. I am yet to decide... A bastard child led into a world of crime because he had no one to show him the proper ways. You know how Ned is soft for bastard stories."

"You're a snake, Lannister. How about ~"

" _Case number 24381, People vs. ~_ "

"Got to run! Dinner tonight?"

"My place or yours?"

"I am cooking so... yours?"

"Seven help us all! Be there at 8."

"Love you, ugly!"

"Love you, too, stupid."


	180. Perfect

There's snow and ice around them, there's blood and gore and screams. But there's also fire produced by their battling tongues and nipping teeth and saliva... and, though it shouldn't be, it's perfect.

Because it's their first kiss.

Because it's them.

Brienne and Jaime.


	181. The Chaos

Jaime feels that time has stopped. Just like before a battle. Or before a storm... There's a heavy silence. Deafening. Cruel. Or maybe peaceful. And he is afraid. Afraid of what was to come.

And then there's the sudden outbreak - people running around him, yelling and all he can do is take a deep breath and slowly come forward, into a room. In a pool of red, _so much red_ , pale  woman - his Brienne - is looking tired and broken; yet her blue eyes have never been so vivid... so happy... while she's holding in her arms a reason for all this chaos.

A screaming child. 

And Jaime can't help but love.


	182. Excitement

Fighting Brienne with swords ignites fire in his soul, brings smile on his face, pride in his step and in his posture. And excitement that hums in his veins and vibrates in his chest? Excitement somehow dances away to his... loin.

Fighting Brienne with words, exchanging barbs and cutting remarks, also ignites fire in his soul, brings smile on his face, pride in both his step and posture. Excitement is still there, humming in his veins, vibrating in his chest. Yet excitement goes steadily to his heart.

Jaime can't help but wonder about those differences and what would happen if he and Brienne were to fight with their tongues. Just where would excitement live then?


	183. Suffering

He observes the wedding party and his stomach twists in barely contained rage - instead of Lannister red, everything is in blue and pink ( _?!!!_ ). Instead of fine cuisine, food is ( _and he is certain of that_ ) more fit for trailer trash. Oh, and instead of Dornish wine, the best in all the land, they are served with some sour, of very questionable quality, ale. And the music... Bride and groom decided to skip on his offer to call in a favor ( _more like make a threat_ ) and get the national orchestra playing, choosing to hire a DJ. The wedding is turning into a frat party and he is thoroughly disgusted. But when drunken father of a said bride hangs his heavy form on his back, slobbering all over his expensive shirt ( _and calls him Ty-ty!!!!!!_ ) - that's when Tywin Lannister, father of the groom, is ready to forget all about decorum and manners ingrained in him since childhood and scream ( _probably, order, too!_ ) bloody murder!!!

It's the smitten face of his older son and pathetic way he clings to his wife's arm, singing praises to her blue eyes ( _embarrassing the woman in process_ ), that makes him remember why is he actually suffering through all of this -

 _Grandchildren_!!!


	184. Convincing

Brienne watches Ser Jaime Lannister getting into a verbal sparring match with one of the Northern lords and she tries to convince herself that she's just looking after him and his well being... and not because it warms her heart to see him smile - to see him cast few knowing glances her way.


	185. Small Victories

Jaime doesn't expect to hear Brienne say  _I love you_. Not yet, at least.

He knows her. Her fears, her insecurities. Her shyness. Her desire to belong to someone only tamed by her desire to be free and not depend on anyone. His warrior Lady.

But he also sees the blush colouring her cheeks when he kisses her. Little stutter in her speech. Blue in her eyes becoming more alive. Her hands warm and her smile...

He sees her smile. It's the small victories that count the most.


	186. The Right Answer

Jaime says _I love you_. Brienne answers with a shrug and an awkward smile. With attempts of joking.

He says _I love you_ for the second time. She answers with a frown of her brow and a scowl.

His third _I love you_ is answered with angry words, followed by 14 missed calls.

The fourth time he says _I love you_ , Brienne just stares at him.

The fifth time? She blushes. Then she runs away.

The sixth time... she cries in Jaime's arms.

Seventh _I love you_ is welcomed with a laugh. With _I love you too_. Still in his arms.


	187. Tidal Wave

It frustrates Brienne to no end!

She has built huge castle around her heart; castle with big, thick walls, inhabited with thousands of the most fierce warriors and three-headed vicious dogs, surrounding it with pits of poison, despair and self-preservation, and all it took was one Jaime Lannister to show up...

To show up and turn her heart's protectors into a barely seen line drawn in a sand, and then sweep them away in one go.

A tidal wave that he is.


	188. The Leftovers

Jaime always believed that pain that follows the heartbreak is a slow pain. Very slow, very strong grip to a heart that is almost teasingly letting those last beats drum in a sad, torturous staccato.

Watching Brienne marry a man who was _not_ him, watching her blush, her shy smile -  he knew that he was mistaken. The pain came fast, the sharpest knife lodged to his bleeding chest. Followed by the piercing noise. Akin to a scream.

That kind of pain... that kind of pain he could have lived through... It's the remainders, the leftovers of his shattered heart that lazily fall with every breath he takes... Those are the worst. They follow him wherever he goes, leaving a trail of blood, droplets, barely seen to anyone's eye; until there is nothing left but an empty shell of a man roaming the world.


	189. Superhero

Tyrion is in awe of his big brother Jaime. Jaime is a magician... no, no, he is a true superhero!

Jaime is the only one who can bravely say 'no'to their father. No one else dares to do the same.

Jaime smiles and doesn't flinch when aunt Genna ruffles his hair and pinches his cheeks. Others run and hide.

Jaime makes funny faces at Tyrion when they sit for family dinner. Father scoffs and reprimands. Jaime still doesn't care.

Jaime says it's ok to cry when thinking of their late mother. He even cries with Tyrion. Cersei gets angry and yells.

Jaime is happy even though he has bruises and little scars on his arms. Because those are the marks earned defending 'the lady's honor'. Tyrion doesn't know any ladies, but he does know that his big brother never lies.

Jaime also fights the monsters that sleep under Tyrion's bed. They never show their ugly faces if Jaime says magic words.

Jaime can climb the highest tree. He can swim really far. He can stay up all night. He can drive the car. He can open any jar just by using his hands...

But the best superhero power Jaime has (and Tyrion hopes to learn from him) is moving faster than the speed of light! Jaime can stand with someone, minding his own business, but when Brienne shows up, he appears at her side in a blink of an eye.


	190. Vain Hope

Jaime held her lifeless body firmly pressed to his chest. Hoping his beating heart would wake hers up. Hoping Briennes' dead heart would lure his into the dark abyss. Hoping they'll be together.

Wherever.

Whenever.


	191. Courting

"Miss Tyrell, would you tell Tormund to leave Brienne alone? I am her bestest friend and I am the only one that should do all the courting!"

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jaime, thank you for telling Miss Tyrell that Tormund was... bothering... me... Why is Miss doing the googly eyes on us?"

"I have no idea, Brienne. She's been like that ever since I told her about us courting!"

"Umm, what does courting means?"

"Playing in the courtyard, of course!"

"Oh, well... then... Old people are sooo weird!"


	192. Warmth

The cloak made of some smelly dead animal, the cloak he was given when he came to Winterfell, was warming his skin and his bones.

The sour ale, it's rations poor and often of bad quality, made his insides warm and made his blood sing.

The giggles of children, those among them left without parents or guardians, sent fuzzy and warm thoughts to his mind.

And then there was Brienne.

Her ugly face and bulky built, strong stance and gentle hands, calm words and kind eyes,..., warmed his heart and his soul... warmed his entire being.

Warmed everything that was Jaime.


	193. Confession Time

"Brienne! My Brienne, my Brie-Brie... my personal brand of cheese... No! Wait... you're more of a pizza... ugly looking, but sooooooo delicious!"

"What in the name of ~"

"Have I ever told you just how much I love your long eyes? And your blue legs? ... Huh... there's... that's not right... your... I love your long blues... and leg-eyes... That's it! You have the most amazing... I don't feel well..."

"You are drunk."

"Nope, I am not drunk, I am Jaime! And Jaime really, really doesn't feel well."

"Come, I'll put you in bed!"

"Wench! How forward of you. And we haven't even been on a proper date yet."

"We don't date, Lannister."

"And yet... yet you want me in your bed!"

"I want you out of my life."

"But I am your best friend."

"You're my neighbor."

"And your BFF."

"Oh, gods, are you twelve?!"

"Noooooo... already told ya... I am Jaime. J.i.m... wait... J.a.m.i... Brienne, something is wrong! Horribly wrong... I don't know my name! I am Jaime Lannister and I forgot my name and ~"

"Here. Drink this... it's just a glass of water... Good... Now try and get some rest."

"Will you stay with me untill I fall asleep?"

"Sure."

"Good night, Wench! Remind me to tell you a secret tomorrow."

"Secret?"

"Ahaaa... I was on my way to... true secret... scary one... so... I... drinking..."

"Must be some really big secret if it got you this drunk?"

"The biggest! I am in love with Brienne... but don't tell her! I will... tomorrow... love..."

"I am in love with you too, Jaime."


	194. Illegal activity

"Detective Lannister! My office. RIGHT NOW!"

"Chief?"

"Would you explain to me why there is a beast of a woman in our holding-cell, yelling profanities and threatening she'll sue this police station and the city?! And why is she _specifically_ screaming your name?"

"Sir! She's not  _a beast_. She's... that's... that's Brienne Tarth. Owner of  _Tarth's baked goods_ , right across the street. She's supplaying our station with ~"

"I know that, _Lannister_. What I don't know is _why_ is the sweetest, the most decent and shy woman, the law-abiding citizen, _in_ my holding-cell?! How come she's turning into a Hulk right before our very own eyes? But mostly... What. Did. You. Do?!?!"

"Technically, Sir, holding-cells are not yo~"

" _What. Did. You. Do_?!?!?!"

"She attacked me! As you know, attacking an officer, police officer at that, a detective on his duty, happens to be illegal... illegal activity and... well... that's why."

"Attacked you?! Please tell me you haven't called her names again. Or done something to provoke her. Or ~"

"I did no such a thing. I was calmly sitting at my desk. She came in with her pastries and... and other...  _goods_... Short pants... Long legs... Toned arms... And attacked me! I was sweating, I couldn't breathe and my heart... My heart was skipping and doing all the weird shit... She gave me a heart attack! _Attacked_ my heart. An attack on a heart of the police offi ~"

"?!? ... You are an idiot... I want that woman _out_ of the holding-cell. I want you to beg for her forgiveness. And I want you to stay away from her... Or ask her out... Whatever you do, I just hope she'll have a sense to kill you... before... I. DO. IT. FIRST!!!!!"


	195. Field Trips

Eight-year-old Jaime loved going on a field trips with his class.

Reason two: he didn't have to sit all day in school.

Reason five: Miss Tyrell let them sing in a bus.

Reason six: he got to eat snacks and sweets and yummy stuff, not the stupid vegetables.

Reason eight: he could sneak attack on Tormund and get away with it.

Reasons one, three, four, seven, nine and ten: he got to hold Brienne's hand. Aaalllllllll day!


	196. Beauty

Warmth still simmering in Jaime's eyes, smile still gracing his chapped lips, her name still colouring his dying breath and Brienne, in the midst of all the pain and the heartbreak, can't help but think that he has never looked more beautiful.


	197. Dancing Queen

Jaime strode into her life the way the most talented dancer would enter the ballroom - elegantly, effortlessly, confidently - by doing the waltz. That hypnotizing intimate dance in 3/4 time. Jab. Smirk. Wink... Jab. Smirk. Wink... Jab. Smirk. Wink... Jab. Smirk. Wink...

Brienne, still inexperienced but well accustomed to the world of waltz, eagerly (if a bit shyly) answered. Glare. Scowl. Frown... Glare. Scowl. Frown...

Sooner than any of them realized, the patern of steps showed the improvement in their dance partnership. His had a grin instead of a smirk. Hers had a smile instead of a scowl...

Jabs and winks were still there - he wouldn't be Jaime if he didn't try to tease her and enjoy her blush... Frowns with occasional glares remained the firm fixture on Brienne's face - the only valid weapon her smitten heart could use against his dancing skills... against him.


	198. Compatibility

"For the love of all the Seven... Jaime Lannister!"

"Sorry, miss Tyrell. I really didn't mean to trip Tormund. And I definitely didn't mean for him to fall head first into your lunch... box... He was just... well, he was standing next to Brienne and everybody knows Brienne is  _my_ bestest friend and onlyI should _always_ stand ~"

"Yes, yes... just... be careful. And apologize to your classmate and... are you even listening to me? Jaime? ... ??? ... Jaime Lannister?!"

"Miss Tyrell? Why would you ask for love of all the Seven? Don't you know that one of them is collecting the souls? And... and has something to do with death... That's scary!"

"Sometimes I believe that I would have more fulfilling life if I married devil himself than staying here, managing youuu - umm, class. Managing _the class_."

"Oh... does that mean you're going to be my new mommy? Aunt Genna says that my dad is the... what's the word... incarcerati.. incarna... satan! Do you want me to ask father if you are to his liking? You both ~"

"Jaime Lannister!"

"~ yell my name in fullest as if I don't know it by heart. I am already eight, miss. And almost as tall as Brienne." 


	199. A Little Bit

Jaime's lips on her own felt warm. Gentle. Skillful. Felt like going home. Leaving Brienne just a little bit breathless, just a little bit confused.

And maybe, just maybe, a little bit more in love.


	200. Jitters

"Right... Ok... We can handle this... Are you _absolutely_ certain you are not for some liquid courage? ... Jeez, fine, be a bitch... Sorry... Actually, I am _not_ sorry! You are a fucking bitch... Now... Let me work some magic... Ahem... Close your eyes... What?! I am not going to take advantage of you, blondie. Trust me, your... type... is definitely not my type... I prefer bigger breasts and wiggly ass and... Right... Eyes closed? Now, take a deep breath in. Breathe out. In. Out... In... Out... Relaxed? ... Fucking perfect... Everything and everyone behind this door? They are not here. They are... Or maybe they are here but naked. Also, _butt_ naked... Not laughing? You _are_ a fucking bitch... Ok... So, you are not wearing... Whatever it is you're wearing... You are dressed to kill! And you are hot! And... eloquent. You are... the bomb! And when you get out, everyone is going to... Right..."

"Gods be good, that was so lame, Bronn."

"Hey! You are lame. I am just one of your fucking bridesmaids, trying to help you stay calm and... _What_?!"

"You called yourself  _a bridesmaid._  Are you having an identity crises? At my wedding?"

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Lannister! I am a fucking bridesmaid because you, _goldilocks_ , are a fucking girl in your fucking relationship! And if you don't want that beanstalk of a woman to smart herself up and change her mind about wanting to marry you, you'll march right up to that fucking altar and just... Slay that fucking wedding vow! Slay this whole fucking _day_! And especially _night_! Because there is no way I will survive any more of your mopping around and crying about no-sex-before-wedding rule!"

 


	201. Manly Competition

When the water in his shower suddenly turned extremly cold, he let out a huge manlyscream. The manliest! For he himself was manly man... Robust. Sturdy... Find the best word for manly physique and that word described him.

His walk towards his new next-door neighbors, to ask them to be careful next time (damn pipes were interlocked or something... never cared to learn... he was only ever interested in important men's stuff), was nothing short of manly... Even though his feet were wet and the floor a bit slippery... His knock to neighbor's door was, of course, just as powerful. Befitting a bulky, brave, manly man he was.

The look he gave to a monster of a woman openning the door was... yes, manly. For she was born to be his... Tall and strong. Wide shoulders and wider hips. She was talking, probably said her name, but that wasn't important. The only important thing was that he was standing almost naked in front of her, water dripping from his hairy muscles and manly pecs, short towel around his waist hiding his... manly... earth-shaker-baby-maker (he was very proud of his own men-naming skills).

The voice coming from the inside of a giantess' apartment wouldn't be important either - when he sat his eyes on the prize only manly win was the outcome - but there were words said, something about rude wenches, about cold draft and impact it had to that guy's private parts... shriveling... or something equally embarrassing.

Great! 

He smirked. Jolted his hips a tad up, just so the large woman had a better view of his own... largeness... Stared over her right shoulder to take a good look of his not-competition... The other, not so manly, man was well built but nothing like he was. The poor guy was even trying to puff his chest out, probably in fear his woman would lose the interest (which was bound to happen, considering the hunk of an actual manly man standing in the hall)...

He let his eyes fall to the guy's golden hair-free (what a brute!) body, down to the guy's own towel-hidden... towel... hidden... impressively... impressive... impressiveness... That was... out of this world... impressive... Not as manly (!!!) but still way bigger than his own perfectly sculpted searing snake (still the best at naming men-things!)...

Tormear (wait, that wasn't his name! His was manlier... but the woman didn't need to know that) took manly steps back to his place. In the manliest fashion (the only way he knew how) he turned his very manly television set on. Found documentary he always watched in a time of... not crises... he was too manly for that... Let himself be engrossed in the wild life... In the bears... Engrossed in his Sheila.

 


	202. Parenting 101

Frantic eyes and frantic legs moved through aisles of HotPie's Super Supermarket, a man running like the Stranger was at his heels.

~~~~~~~~

" _Jo_ ,  _Jo_ _baby, now is not the time to play hide-and-seek with daddy! Where are you, sweetling? Jo?_ "

"S - Sir? Sir! Please, you can't ~"

"I've lost my daughter somewhere in here. Well... not 'lost' her... She is in one of these aisles but I've maybe forgotten where I've left her... _Jo?_... Have you seen her? Blonde little thing, five years old, about 'this' big, carrying a sword toy?"

"Have you tried the toy-section? Maybe candy one?"

"Right! Right... but what if she's not there? I need to find her now."

"We can always call her over an inter ~"

"Let me stop you right there, lad! What's your name again?"

"Pod - Podrick, sir."

"Walk with me, Roderick."

"It's Podri ~"

"See, I can tell you're a smart boy, Baldrick... _Jo? Joanna? Come out, darling.._. but still naive... And unmarried... _Where are you, baby girl?_  ... Every man with a ring on his finger will tell you that you always have to be on your wife's good side if you know what's... well... what's good for you... Where to now?"

"R - Right this way, sir."

" _Jo, munchkin, are you here?_... Because if you're not on your best behaviour or, say, you do what the wife is 'perceiving' as you losing your child... _Joanna? Daddy can't fight the dragons by himself..._ Then the love of your life will do unspeakable things as a form of a punishment... Left or right?"

"Left, sir."

"So to avoid being punished you will always follow one simple rule - happy wife, happy life - and by no circumstances...  _Jo, we have to save princess from the evil bear, baby..._  will you announce to the world, and by 'world' I mean 'your wife', that you've lost ~"

"Daddy!"

"Joanna! Sweetling, you scared daddy so, so very much."

"Where is the evil Torment, daddy? We can't let him take princess Briar away from us!"

"No we can't, baby. But first... What's your name again?"

"Pod, sir."

"Joanna, meet Todd. My good lad, thank you for all the help. And remember, follow that one simple rule and your marriage will be happy for ages to c ~ Wench!"

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that in public? Jo, sweetie, have you been a good girl for daddy?"

"Oh, I was the bestest, mommy! I hid soooo well and daddy couldn't fin ~ "

"I couldn't find those condoms you like ~ "

"Jaime!"

"Mommy, what's a con - doms?"

"Jaime?!"

"Oh, the Seven! Not the word... No! Brienne, no... I didn't mean ~ "

"You're sleeping on a couch tonight, husband."

"Fuck!!!"

"Daddy! Mommy, daddy said a bad, bad word!"

"I heard it, sweetie... Make that two nights, Lannister... Come Joanna."

...

"Zod, remember that one rule?"

"Sir?"

"Add the second one. Never ever mention your sex life in public and by 'public' I mean 'your wife' or cuss in front of your child."

"Got it, sir."

"Good lad."

 

 


	203. I Now Pronounce You Man and Wife

Brienne walked slowly towards Jaime, mesmerized by his eyes and the way his shoulders looked in a tux. So it wasn't entirely unexpected that she tripped and fell, flashing the groom - exposing her unbelievably long legs...

...his whole body going rigid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, it was on JBO... but I kinda like it. XD


	204. What Lies Ahead

Admiring her eyes from afar, Jaime has seen the sparkle of sapphires, those depths of the waters surrounding Tarth, the clearness of summer sky, the calmness of night,... Stars. Constellations. Galaxies.

Looking into Brienne's eyes, holding her close - just a breath away from her, Jaime only saw his own future... And it was bright... Almost as her smiling face... Almost as her smiling eyes...

The eyes of a woman in love.


	205. I Scream

The way Brienne was eating her ice cream was bordering on the _indecent_... or so Jaime firmly believed... He couldn't understand how come other men were not affected by it... of course, if they were, he would serve them with a black eye here and busted lip there, but still... No one was batting an eyelash, like she wasn't eating... like she wasn't being... sugestive. Titillating. _Salacious_!

She dared to  _lick_ the delicious treat. She actually _nibbled_ a cone! But when she  _pushed_ her pink tongue at that sweet, frozen dessert and scooped some of it into her mouth to savor the taste, _moaning_ while at it,... well then...

Jaime has had enough!!! Enough with that yummy, appetizing, mouth-watering, delectable... seductive... sensuous... sultry...  woman! 

So when the heat from his throat plummeted with a speed of a light to his crotch, he did the only thing left to be done - he shoved his own ice cream down his pants.

And welcomed the cold.


	206. Jam and Cookies

"I am a vile man, Tyrion. Vile and despicable. And so old... Your brother is a vile, despicable, old man."

"You're 34. As for those other things... Well, aside from playing footsies with cousin Cersei decade ago ~ "

"I thought we agreed to never speak of that... lapse in a judgment."

"You agreed... As your only brother I deserve the right to tease you mercilessly until you're six feet under ground... And even then, I promise you to make it into a last goodbye I'll be writing."

"You're disgusting."

"And that's how we know you are not vile nor despicable. I would know if you were either, Jaime."

"But then... Why do I... These thoughts... They are not... And about... Well..."

"Let me guess. _Brienne_. What did you do to that poor girl? Do you even know how hard it is to find a good assistant?!"

"I did absolutely nothing! It's these thoughts... It seems I can't function properly anymore."

"Enlighten me."

"I see her face and her face is so innocent it sweetly asks  _make me cookies_."

"Right."

"I see her body and her body... Her body screams at me, Tyrion!"

"What exactly?"

" _Eat cookies off me..._ And then there's her voice. Her voice purring  _I have a cookie in my throat, use your tongue to jam it out of it, Jaime._ "

"That's ~"

"I know!"

"And as your brother, I have never felt more proud! ... Now, cookie or not, when _will_ you jam your tongue into her mouth? And before you say anything, let me remind you that Valentine's was four months ago and you were both drunk, so that doesn't count!"


	207. Holding Hands

Brienne knew marrying Jaime, being his and him being hers, would come with difficulties. Problems. Troubles and dilemmas.

But not that it would be as hard as it is these days.

They don't even fight anymore. There's silence following every bit and corner of their home... Every bit and corner of their hearts... They do exchange words - they have to, they are still parents to one very demanding child - but the voices behind the words feel hollow. Cold... Sometimes they exchange glances instead of words; what once came naturally to them, saying poems and fables and simple grocery lists just by their eyes only, now is almost always lost in translation.

She doesn't know how they came to be like this. Distant. As far as galaxies seem to be... And she can't put a blame on him. Yes, he is at fault. But she is as much as he is. 

She forgets their anniversary. He forgets her birthday. She gets angry he stayed late at work. He gets angry she didn't tell him about her promotion. She thinks his family is toxic. He thinks her father is overbearing. She's annoyed he didn't clean the laundry room. He's annoyed she didn't park the car in a garage.

Living together, being a husband and a wife, becomes a chore... But none of them mentiones the word "divorce". Yet...

She is not paying attention to the ogling guy from the research department. He's not paying attention to a plethora of women smiling his way. They stand next to each other in a family and business functions. They sit together at their daughter's recital. She comes with a passionate retort to a woman spewing hatred towards Jaime Lannister's name. He threatens the idiot who mocked and belittled Brienne... and possibly gets him fired...

They still share a bed. Every time they lay and say goodnight, they go to their respective sides. Back to back. Not touching. Fabrics and sheets, unspoken words and hidden desires keeping them apart. And every time they wake up facing each other. Brienne's hand in his. Jaime's hand holding her own.

And she knows. She knows they will get better. They will survive.

As long as they keep holding hands.


	208. Child...ren

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

Hey! You hand some creature wth blue eyess... What's yor name?

**_WOMD_ **

Get bent, Lannister!

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

ohhh, interesting! Never herad abut that 1.  named by some one in familly? My name is Jaime...

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

btw? Don't mind if you do bent.  ;) 

**_WOMD_ **

Seriously?! What do you want? I am at work. I don't appreciate being bothered. My boss is not too happy about it, either.

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

considering yor boss is also my bruther also yonger than me also yonger than yo also maybe not also technicly I am his boss also I am not bodering you also yo love me also staph also... XD

**_WOMD_ **

_womd typing_

_..._

_womd typing_

 

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

Bri-Bri?

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

Breinne?

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

Briene?

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

Fack! Typing with one gand is harf. Brienne!!!

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

Brienne?

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

Wench?

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

wenchy?

**_Annoying_ _exBFF_**

Wenchy-kissy-frenchy?

**_WOMD_ **

WHAT?!?!?!? STOP WITH TEXTS WHILE I'M WORKING!!! TOLD YOU I'LL BE BUSSY!

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

not need to yell. herd you loud and clera. want to grab pizzza later on?

**_WOMD_ **

Sure. Call you when I'm done.

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

wannatell me what for toping? not importanat. cause I'll be on top no matter wath. XD *wink* *wink*

**_WOMD_ **

Seriously? Stop or I'll change your status from exBFF into exBF!

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

from best frends forever to best frends?! cruel, wench! crul! then I change womd to wnchomd! :kiss:

**_WOMD_ **

More like from ex best friend forever into ex boyfriend!

**_WOMD_ **

And do you yourself even know what those abbreviations mean?

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

I am yor BEST BOYFREND FOREVER! and yor WomanOfMyDreams! But if you dont plai nice youll be WenchOfMyDreans

_**Annoying** **exBFF**_

now about that ofer fot you to bend for me? Before or aftr pizza? :P :P

**_WOMD_ **

_womd has left chat_

**_BrotherKnowitall_ **

I have no idea what you've done, Jaime. What I do know?

RUN!!!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired by stupidest stuff...  
> Also, by very lovely and not stupid Weird. XD  
> Go check her collection, people! (if you already haven't)


	209. Ring

Ringing of a phone feels like a faraway silent prayer compared to the ringing in her ears that accompanies the soft touch of Jaime's lips.


	210. Memories

Brienne cries and screams until her eyes can't shed a tear. Until her voice is silent as the void.

But she keeps on living. Moving through the world. Existing. Being the Lady to her House. Commander to her fleet. Mother to her child.

Cries and screams are long forgotten for everyone around her. For everyone, except for her soul.

Her soul still cries and her soul still screams for the only man she's ever loved. The one she's lost before he ever became hers in name.

The one who actually was hers all those ways it mattered.

In whispers.

In laughs.

Through fights.

Warm hugs and supporting eyes.

Smiles, kisses and smirks.

Teasing names.

...

" _I love you,_ _Wench!_ "

...

Her soul still remembers.


	211. Falling

Brienne of Tarth stands still, eyes watching through the darkness for every and any slightest movement that will announce the possible attack of wights.

She knows the importance of being awake. Of being alert. Lives of many, including her own (and maybe even one Jaime Lannister), depend on her eyes. On her ears. On her instincts. Her reaction.

Nights seem to be never-ending; and the more nights that go by without rest, the more her body and her mind struggle with fighting a dreams away.

And she is afraid.

Her hair is weak against the howling wind. Her nose and ears can't help but be as red as blood itself receiving the blows of snow. She isn't sure but she supposes her fingertips are purple as well... Yet her body is warm and in that lies the problem.

Warmness is calling her into its arms, whispering that she needs sleep. Distinctive scent of that one Jaime Lannister ( _Don't be stubborn, Wench, and take my cloak too. Flimsy thing you call a cloak can't be enough to shield that big body of yours!_ ) is seducing her with promises of sweet dreams.

And she is afraid.

Tonight, with both warmth and savour surrounding her, she can't tell what is she more afraid of, though - falling asleep or falling in love? 


	212. A Day On the Court

He was almost relieved when, trying to get the ball, he fell down head first - not only was he able to hide a growing blush, but he was also able to hide a growing tent in his breeches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know. You've already seen that on JBO. XD


	213. Lessons

**Lesson**   **1** **.** _Tywin_ _Lannister: "Men don't cry."_

Jaime has heard that lesson more than he can count. And he is proud five year-old and he can count to 20! Or 30... he has to check... Even miss Tyrell called it 'impassive' ( _'Impressive', Jaime, I said 'impressive'! ... What am I going to do with you, young man?_ )

He is also not sure why is he being taught that men don't cry when he is not men. He is not even one man... Just one boy... But he still blinks away tears forming in his eyes and he tightens his lips before he could... well, he will not cry... Stupid Tormund shoved him on a ground and his knee is now scraped and it hurts badly and Tormund is stupid!

 

 **Lesson 2.** _Joanna Lannister: "When you grow up you will find someone who loves you just as much as I do or more, someone whom you'll love dearly, and that is a person you marry."_

Brienne is Jaime's bestest friend in the world! And she helped him off the ground and frowned at Tormund! And she never frowns at children, because she is the nicest girl in the world. And better than most of the boys Jaime knows and he knows a lot - boys in their class, aunt Genna's sons, uncle Kevan's sons, boys from country club and those who come to their house when father is having lunch with his business buddies... or something.

Jaime knows he loves his bestest friend. And he knows Brienne loves him too - she hugged him after helping him up. She even kissed him on a cheek! Jaime can't wait to come back home and ask his mother when will that growing up happen. And if six years is old enough to get married... 'Cause his 6th birthday is in four months and 25 days and he can't wait to be Brienne's husband.

 

 **Lesson 3.** _Uncle Kevan: "Revenge is not a solution."_

Well, uncle Kevan doesn't know stupid Tormund!!!

 

 **Lesson 4.** _Miss Tyrell: "Jaime Lannister, you will not hit your classmate on my watch! Play nice!"_

Miss can't make him play with stupid Tormund! And as for hitting him back? Miss Tyrell will soon go to her cigarette break. She will not be watching!

 

 **Lesson 5.** _The bestest friend in the world Brienne: "You should never hit someone, Jaime. Not even Tormund. That's bad. And you are good."_

Brienne is the nicest girl in the world and better than most of the boys Jaime knows. And if she says that you shouldn't do something... Stupid Tormund! He won this time...

But Brienne never said anything about tripping or shoving... Jaime just has to wait until Brienne turns her head away. And then stupid Tormund will get what he deserves!

 

 **Lesson 6.** _Aunt Genna: "If there's alcohol, know it's just a booty call... and that is one more thing you'll understand when you grow up."_

Aunt Genna knows many things and has lots of lessons to share. And share she does! She is Jaime's favorite aunt. Helped him get the bestest birthday present for his bestest friend! Even helped him with writing a letter to Brienne when she didn't come to school for having a small pokes... or cow pokes... something like that... it was probably that first thing because Brienne was not poked by any cow!

But aunt Genna also has lots of weird lessons to teach him, to apply (or not apply!) when he grows up. He really can't wait until he's six! Then maybe he'll understand how come alcohol makes people call for boots... Although, stupid Tormund always calls for Sheila when they are having noon rest; and the only Sheila Jaime knows is the bear cub from cartoon Miss Tyrell let them watch.


	214. Shallow End of The Pool

Water around him helped his body into ease, his mind into calmness, his heart to a steady beat. Swimming gave him strength to muscles, to shoulders and legs, gave him the narrowness of waist.

He felt good about himself, his form, his looks.

Then the long legs with toned thighs came into his field of vision. The forgotten muscle of his body, the one that swimming did nothing for, stirred. Peeked in interest. Almost screamed in joy.

He gulped. Took a deep breath.

And quickly swam to the far end of a pool. 


	215. Love Quotes

"Love hurts", they said.

"Love is not for ugly creature like her", they mocked.

"Love - she will not know", they pitied.

"Love is not something she'll ever give in return", they whispered.

Brienne was never one for envy. For pettiness. For looking down on those who wronged her.

And as she was looking into Jaime's eyes, happiness shining through every fiber of his being, confidently holding her hand and saying those words of forever, Brienne could only think how  _they_ were mistaken.


	216. Favorite Work of Art

Jaime never liked going to galleries. Perusing. Walking along the corridors of museums. Looking at pictures. Admiring... those "things" other people told him about... He is just not a fan of...  _arts_... Galleries and museums smell funny. They are stuffy. Boring. 

And then he meets Brienne Tarth. Infuriates her. Teases. Befriends her. Flirts a bit. Courts a lot. Marries.

Brienne loves art. Getting lost in the world created by painters and sculptors. She can stand in front of an artwork for hours. Observing. Memorizing. Enjoying. 

So Jaime follows. And while Brienne spends time in awe of beauty that is art, Jaime spends time in awe of beauty that is his wife.


	217. Panthers in Crime

"Miss Tyrell, how does one become a panther?"

"Excuse me?"

"How old do you have to be to turn into a panther?"

"I don't think I know what you mean, Jaime."

"Well, last week my cousin and his bestest friend came for a visit. And they are bestest friends just like Brienne and me, but Brienne is a girl and my cousin's friend is a boy and they always share a room even though we have lots and lots and lots of free rooms... And father said that the two of them couldn't keep the voices down, waking up _all_ the household and ~"

"I'm pretty sure you've... misheard it... Jaime. They are  _partners_ not panthers."

"No, Miss! Father said they were loud as the biggest cats in a heat and panthers are _huge_ \- Brienne and I saw them at a zoo - and how come cats have heats and do they also have freezes? And my cousin and his friend had scratches on their arms and bite marks on their necks and panthers are awesome and Brienne and I want to become panthers... but without all those scratches... and noise... So, how much until we can become panthers? Do we have to be _really_ old like my cousin? I think he's twenty-three, Miss... Miss? ... Miss Tyrell?"

"I think I need a drink. A strong one."

"It's too early for a drink, Miss."

"It is never too early for a drink, Jaime."

"My aunt Genna says the same... Maybe I should ask her. She knows all these smart stuff. And she has cats."

 


	218. Arranged

Brienne is scared and rightfully so.

Her face is covered with thick veil; so her soon-to-be husband wouldn't see her ugly face before words are exchanged. Her movement is restricted by a heavy gown she's wearing. It's almost as if the seamstresses made it that way to prevent possible (probable, if she's asked) future incident... such as having a bride-to-be flee her own wedding.

What scares her the most is the awaited reaction. The moment  _he_ , in all of his glory and perfection, realizes just whom he has married. Who is the woman presented to him. For him... The moment he frowns. Looks in annoyance or regret. Maybe even in disgust.

Contrary to her belief, he just slightly raises a brow. Unperturbed. Even... even as though he's glad it's her... He smiles. And not one of those smiles that are pure evil or spite or malice. No, his smile is gentle. There's fondness in it. His thumb draws little circles on her wrist where he's been holding her.

And Brienne is confused.

She never understood her best friend. She never understood why are they best friends. Just _why_ is Jaime Lannister best friends with Brienne of Tarth. Why is he nice to her when he's anything but when others are concerned. Why he listens to her when he has shown no patience when others speak. How come he always has time for her when he barely has time for his family.

Brienne never understood her best friend Jaime. But it seems she'll have a lifetime to do so.


	219. Pleasure To Meet You

"I would need four packs of extra large condoms, double pleasure - for both him and her."

Jaime took one glance at a blushing woman slowly backing away from a counter towards the door of a market and smirked.

"On a second thought, make that five packs of extra large, regular kind. I think we'll be  _just fine_ without added artifical pleasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, don't blame me. Blame JBO.


	220. Sexuality

"So... so you're not... gay?"

"It's not a statement. Why is that not a statement, Brienne? Why does it sound like a question?"

"B - Because... it is?"

"Are you asking me?"

"No?"

"Wench, why would you even consider me to be gay?!"

"There are women throwing themselves all over you, Jaime, and you just... you just... brush them off... or flirt but keep your distance... And you smell nice."

"Well, if it would make things easier for you to comprehend, I'll stop showering. Then I can smell like that zoo-keeper that always ogles you whenever we go there."

"Torm - Tormund doesn't ogle me!"

"Yeah, keep believing that. Just so you know, I think he has sick fascination with that bear that just got cubs."

"He really loves animals."

"I love animals but not to the extent of crying because a bear got pregnant by another bear! ... And why are we still talking about that bear-obsessed creep?! ... I want to know why would you think I was gay? And, by the way, proper personal hygiene is mandatory for everyone not just ass-worshipers! ... Not that a straight man can't ass-worship a great round plump ~"

"Jaime! Shut your mouth!"

"Or what?"

"Or I'll shut it for you! ... S-Stop that. Stop smirking! I didn't mean... I didn't mean it like that."

"Maybe you should. And then maybe I can show you just how much not of a gay I am."

 

 

 

 


	221. Incentive

Jaime and Brienne weren't friends. No. Nope. Nuh-uh...

They just trained in the same gym. And maybe went there at the same time. Doing same exercises. Spotting one another.

And that was it!

She never appreciated his form. He never noticed her toned thighs. She never ogled his abs. He never salivated over her firm butt.

Never!

Jaime was panting on a mat with Brienne urging him on to do 'just 5 more reps if you want those abs to be beach ready'... Which was silly to say because he's been doing crunches since he was... very, very, very young. Five more or less wouldn't do anything for his already well defined six-pack.

But Brienne was determined. Reps should be done in numbers agreed upon. So she suggested he could use showers first. He just scoffed off. Mentioned a free meal. Jaime laid on a mat not responding. Offered a massage. He quirked his left eyebrow... In the last attempt to make him move, mouth running ahead of her brain, Brienne said she would kiss him. 

Jaime finished his exercise in record time.


	222. A Heartbeat

He is covered in blood and grime. His breath is shallow and painful. Lips are blue and chapped.

Snow falls.

Brienne tries to keep him warm. Tries to stop the bleeding. Whispers the words of encouragement. Words of love.

His heartbeat under her ear is a comfort. He's alive. As long as she hears his heartbeat.

_As long as she hears his heartbeat..._

_As long as she hears... his... heartbeat..._

_As long as she... hears... his..._

_As long... as... she..._

_As... long... as..._

"J - Jaime?"

...

"JAIME?!?!!!!!!!!!!"

 


	223. Together

"Love is... you and I holding hands together. Standing guard together. Teaching our boy the ways of life... and, yes I remember, not letting Bronn come near him... Seriously, Brienne... Love is when you can't sleep before I join you in a chamber and give you a 'good night' kiss or me being angry when you are not taking enough care of yourself... Don't give me that look, my lady! ... Love is when we hate on ~"

"I don't hate, Jaime!"

"Fine... when I hate on our enemies and you scold me for hating on them, but still we kick their lordy and not so lordy asses together!"


	224. Sorrow

Jaime lost his sword hand long time ago. It almost felt he never had it in the first place... He yelled. He hated. He begged. He grieved. He accepted...

When he had to eat only by using his left hand, he learned.

When he had to fight with just his left hand, he adapted.

When he had to caress Brienne's cheek with just his left hand, he loved.

When he had to touch Brienne's body with only his left hand, he admired.

When he had to hold their firstborn with only just one hand, Jaime felt intense sorrow. His heart wept. For he needed his other hand to wipe away silent tears that adorned Brienne's smiling face.


	225. Ugly Mare

"Don't you cry, Brienne! Hyle is stupid and jerk and... and... he is stupid jerk! And we own a mare that is very, very, very, soooo very expensive and father said that she is the most bestest in the whole world and that he wouldn't sell her for anything... unless it's really, really, really huge pile of money... and horses are really beautiful and so that means you are the most bestest and really beautiful! ... And I wouldn't sell you no matter how much money I would get! Not even for all the candies and swords and dragons and pretty princesses in the world!"


	226. Home

As the Stranger bared his face to claim Kingslayer into his cold arms, Jaime could only think of Brienne's blue eyes lost moons ago.

"Home... I am coming home to you, Wench."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame Mikki. That's all.


	227. The Sun

She loved him in silence. She admired with no words. No cheers. No romantic notions or gestures or letters. She wasn't like other girls (and some boys) in their high school who were only content in being in love with and loving one Jaime Lannister in public.

She was loving someone far out of her reach. She was loving the sun. And even though it burned, Brienne was happy. A smile from Jaime Lannister, gently making it's way on his face every time he saw her, was enough of reward.


	228. Pros and Cons

Jaime absolutely didn't like going to kindergarten!

Firstly, it meant that he had to wake up early and Jaime loved sleeping... and dreaming... He always had the most amazing adventures in his dreams, fighting dragons and evil knights and stupid Tormund!

And that was also one of the reasons he didn't like his class - stupid Tormund, with his stupid grin and stupid words from stupid North, trying to take all the teddy bears to play with them and all by himself, was in it... Also Jaime had way better toys at his home that he didn't have to share with other children... and stupid Tormund...

Plus, Miss Tyrell was always making him take a noon rest, and not like he could have a rest if he isn't wearing his favorite jammies - that he wasn't allowed to bring...

And not like Jaime had many smart and cool things to learn attending the kindergarten; his aunt Genna is the most smartest person in the world and she knows so many interesting things she likes to talk about... not that Jaime understands half of it ( _"You will when you grow up, Jaime, you just trust your auntie. Come now, give me a kiss!"_ )... but those stories made his father red in a face... and not the kind of red like when he's angry at, well, everything, but the kind of red like he is completely embarrassed and that is sooo funny... And ~

_"See you tomorrow, Jaime!"_

Kindergarten did have his bestest friend in the whole world.

_"See you tomorrow, Brienne!"_


	229. Off With Their Heads!

Being cramped in economy class (for which heads will roll!!!) would feel much more suffocating if there isn't a leg (very long, very _bare_ leg), connected to the body (very large, very _firm_ body) of a certain blue-eyed wench ( _blue_ , _blue_ , _blue_!)...

Sitting next to him...

Bumping his knee with her own knee...

Blushing every time... 

Bitting her plump lips in nervous apology...

...

So maybe heads will not roll.

 


	230. The Stupidest Lannister

"Seriously, have you _always_ been this stupid?"

"Pardon? How dare you ~"

"Not seeing the benefit in a marriage between that... unfortunately looking... woman and ~"

"Benefit?! Benefit?!?! The pain and the constant shame of ~"

"You're looking at it in a _completely_ wrong way."

"And pray tell what would be the correct way of looking at that... unholy... union?"

"Ironic... coming from the devil himself."

"Genna?!"

"Oh, stop growling! It's doing nothing positive to your face. Not that it could... It makes you look even more disgustingly constipated if anything."

"Genna!!!"

" _Legacy_ , Tywin."

"I'm sorry?"

"Try the sound of that word, brother of mine. Even better - _grandchildren_."

"Grand - children?"

"Yes. Jaime's future children with a woman you are so opposed to."

"Grandchildren."

"Right... Grandchildren and a _union_ between Tarth, strategically-placed-and-of-enormous-importance island, and us!"

"Union. _Grandchildren_."

"You know, I wonder just how exactly have you found a way out of our mother's womb, being so... well, stupid!"

" _Grandchildren_!"

"Again, yes, as well as the uni ~"

" _My_ _grandchildren_! The Lannister offspring. To be shaped and formed to the likes of _me_!"

"I wouldn't phrase it ~"

" _Finally_ someone who I wouldn't be ashamed of! ... What?! ... Not you, of course. I am talking about my children. And their chosen... liaisons."

"Tywin, remember. Those words and attitude will not bring you favour nor access to grandchildren."

"Yes, of course. I will have to rein in my temperament from now on... Thank you, Genna. Seems I am, uncharacteristically, being slow today."

"Today?! _Uncharacteristically_?!? ... Oh, please! The swimmer our father let out the day you were conceived was obviously the slow one to begin with... And probably the only one... 'Cause there's no way that much _stupid_ would win anything, anyway, especially not the race for a woman's prized egg... And, hence, you were created... But I lov ~ not hate you... just the same."

 


	231. Rainbow

Jaime loved looking at rainbows. They came while sun and storm argued for the dominance. They represented hope. And happiness...

And every color carried a distinct feel of his Brienne.

...

Red was the color of passion, when she talked, when she fought, when she loved.

Orange was the color of Brienne's smile, brigth and warm and vibrant.

Yellow reminded Jaime of Brienne's hair. And the freckles that adorned her nose, her pale face... her whole body, actually.

Green was the color of Tarth, an island where Brienne and he made a home for themselves. And the color of their child's eyes.

Blue was the color of melancholy that would burden her shoulders and her mind. Blue was the color of her tears, both happy and sad ones.

Indigo... beautiful and deep and serene just like Brienne's eyes.

Violet was the color of her bravery, her stance - head held high, back straight. She commanded the attention. A true royal. The queen of his heart.

...

And then there was the sky, a canvas where all the colors of rainbow danced in joy. The sky was dark and ugly and dull. Violent at times. Painful to look at.

Just like his soul was, ever sinse Brienne walked away from him and into the Stranger's waiting arms.


	232. Deal

She really didn't mean to hit the ball so hard! Or that her puppy would make a run for it. And she didn't dream that said ball and her Pod would fall and almost ruin the boy's castle.

Or that the boy in question would frown and squint his eyes at her.

"Are you... blind?! This is not a castle! It is an igloo!!! See? There's a snow and wights all over it!"

"It's a... it's a v-very really amazing igloo."

"I  _knooow_!!! Stupid Cersei said it needs to be prettier! Like she knows anything!"

"It doesn't need to be prettier! It... umm..."

"What?  _What_?"

"You could m-maybe... build a moat? For alligators and... and such?"

"Ohhhh... Alligators are reeeally scaaary! And have lots of teeth. You are smart and not stupid like Cersei! What's your name? My name is Jaime and I'm five years old."

"B-Brienne. I am five too."

"Wanna help me with a moat, Brienne? Someone has to protect an igloo from all the bad guys and I can't fight the wights and build and...  _everything_... And your puppy can keep safe all those tiny people in an igloo... And, also, wanna be my bestest friend?"

"Only if you w-want to be my bestest friend."

"Deal!!!"


	233. Running Man

He doesn't know for how long has he been running. Muscles tense, his whole body rigid yet weak from the exertion.

But Jaime knows he has to stay alert. He doesn't have time to stop and rest. For he has stolen Brienne from the clutches of the Stranger's cold embrace and, as long as that bastard is hot on their... on hers... heels, Jaime will do his best to be at least few steps ahead.

There's still spark in Brienne's tired eyes, breath in her frail body and blood in her veins. And Jaime will do anything to keep her alive.

Even if it means running for all eternity.


	234. Alone

Brienne knew she was not the one for childbirth. She was not fit to be a mother. She was a warrior and a knight and...

The pain of giving a birth to a stillborn was not as physical as she was expecting it to be. And her body, well-oiled machine, was healing fast, to a satisfying nod from her maester.

The pain she felt in her soul... knives stabbing her heart, tearing her every cell... those left her numb. Losing the one reminder of that cursed man - the only man - she has ever loved, losing the chance of seeing his green eyes again or his lion's smile... 

She was without Jaime. She was without their child. Without their love and their warmth. She was all alone in the world.

Even though her castle and her island, the world itself, were growing every single day.


	235. Cyrano de Bergerac

"Why is my brother sporting a huge black eye?"

"He made a wrong choice, that's why... That fuckin' idiot." 

"Care to elaborate?"

"He sent a poem to that ugly lookin' woman that has his nuts firmly squeezed in those huge hands of hers... metaphorically speaking."

"Can't believe you know the meaning of word 'metaphorically' and how to use it."

"Just because I am not born with a silver spoon shoved high up my ass, it doesn't mean I haven't received a proper ejaculation!"

"And I think 'education' is the word you're looking for."

"I know what I said and I know what I ment... I am not the one being stupid and with a shiner on my face... you fuckin' dwarf."

"Oh, yeah... about that... Do I want to know what he wrote to... and do use her name, Bronn, or one of these days Jaime will make you regret it."

" _Roses are red, violets are blue, my dick is huge and reserved just for you_."

"What in a Seven?!? For the love of all that's ~"

"~ I know!!! I told him to go with my other -more romantic- one, but the idiot made the wrong choice!"

"And what was the... ahem... romantic alternative?"

" _Twinkle, twinkle littl' star, let me fuck you in a car."_


	236. Magic Words

" _And if you come near my bestest friend again, I will... I will... tell on you to Miss Tyrell and also I have a toy sword to hit you with on a head and... and... DUCK OFF!!! ..._ Are you good, Brienne? Hyle and Ronnet are stupid and they are... they are really stupid and... and... Are you fine?"

"I am, thank you, Jaime. You didn't have to get in trouble for me."

"You are my bestest friend in the whole world, Brienne! My job is to help you... You would help me too, right? 'Cause that's what bestest friends do."

"Of course I would help, Jaime! So... so... if... if... Tormund ever tries to hit you again, I will... ummm... well, stop him... somehow..."

"Ohhh, you can always use the magic words! Just like I have. My aunt Genna taught me! She knows soooo many cool stuff!"

"Magic words? Like... 'abracadabra'?"

"Pft, not  _that_. Everybody knows _that_... You should use magic words that only special people know... Aunt Genna says that if you really want to scare away someone you just yell 'duck off'!"

"That sounds like that word we can't say."

"But it isn't! ... Ummm... it's just... I thought I heard aunt Genna say the baaaad word, but no! Auntie explained everything to me... Brienne, you should have seen uncle Emmon and father - aunt Genna said the magic words and they ran away soooo fast, just like the 'little ducks' they are... or so aunt Genna calls them... And I don't understand it at all!!! They are not ducks! And father is definitely not little."


	237. Stomach Ache

Jaime can't fathom why his stomach hurts so bad. Why does it twists and turns in unbelievable pain. And why is the stupid pain getting stronger with Brienne's words getting more excited, talking about her plans for the evening. Nor he understands why is Brienne, his best friend, wearing her bluest blouse on a... not date... with Hyle the Cunt. The blouse Jaime loves the most on her. The one that makes her eyes shine with fairytale quality and dance in a moonlight... And he definitely can't comprehend why is he waxing poetics about the eyes of his best friend.

His stomach aches more as the time for Brienne to go out is getting closer.

Must be that he is tired from all the school work.

Must be that he ate something bad.

Must be that Jaime is certainly - one hundred percent surely - not, no way, no how,..., in love with his best friend.


	238. Fingertips

She knows she should open her eyes. Smile sweetly to her husband. To the man who is caressing her naked back with just his fingertips. Lightly. Attentively.

But his fingertips are not the ones she craves for. Nor the touch she misses dearly. Painfully so... Fingertips that are delicate as air. And scorching as the sun itself.

Brienne wills herself to stay in a land of dreams. She is cruelly reminded that dreamland is the only place where Jaime is still alive. Teasing her with his delicate fingertips. Loving her with his scorching touch.


	239. Down and Dirty

"You cheated! You... that was... She cheated!"

"I would do no such thing, Lannister."

"Come on, Jaime. We all know Brienne is the most honorable among us... Now, if the roles were _reversed_..."

"But... but... She kissed me! And... and... I was distracted... Lips on my lips... and then... BAM!!! ... Paintball right on my chest!"

"Seriously, brother, don't be such a sore loser. Like Brienne would ever kiss you first... or anyhow... Again, _if_ _the_ _roles_ _were_ _reversed_..."

"Yeah, Jaime. Like I would  _ever_ kiss you first... or  _anyhow_."

"Wench..."

"Move along you two and on to a next game! ... This team-building idea was one of the greatest things I've ever came up with!"

!#$

"That was... What was _that_ all about?!"

"You lose some, you win some, Lannister."

"Not that! _You_ _would_ _never_ _kiss_ _me_ _anyhow_?!? I still have a hickey on my pecs to prove otherwise!!!"

"We were talking about the game. And you _know_ I would never! ... What we do in our private lives, well, that's a story for another time."

"You minx! You... you evil seductress... You are... you are dirty, deceiving... deceiver! That's right! Dirty deceiving deceiver!"

"I've learned from the best."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"I was talking about your father."

"Oh, it's on! Mark my words, Tarth. You're going down!"

"Can't wait."

" _Brienne_!!!"


	240. Enjoy The Show

He heard that eyes can change colour, turning red when someone was angry, but that was... that was just a saying. A figure of speech.

Pressing a ragged cloth to his bleeding wound, Jaime could only watch in amazement (and maybe in slight fear) the way Brienne's deep blue eyes became dark, black as a night itself. Promises not of a storm, not even of rage, but of pure, unadulterated havoc!

He leaned against a log where Brienne left him just mere moments ago. The feeling of her trembling hands still warm on his body... Almost sickening, perverted grin stretched Jaime's lips.

Those wights? Oh, they were fucked!


	241. Offspring

Jaime is old and frail. A far cry from a knight he once was. A man who was never good with his left hand the way he was good with the one that bravely (sometimes foolishly) fought his many enemies. With past and names that follow him where ever he goes.

"I won't be here to protect you, Brienne. But I'll make sure you can always protect yourself."

He watches as a five-year old girl, _his_ in looks and _hers_ in name, stands with a wooden sword. The way she holds it in her small hands. How serious she is... And Jaime can only smile proudly.

_"We did good, Wench."_

 


	242. Winter Is Gone

"There is going to be so much to do. North will have to find a way to get along with the South. King's Landing will have to find a way to be in Starks' good grace... Having commoners and lords alike abide by the rules will not be too hard; more important is setting the good rules and good examples. We can't have people surviving the war but suffering under the hands of incompetent kings and queens... whatever their House is... And then all those little things, but of the greatest significance, have to be satisfied - people are safe, but hungry. Most of them have their houses and lands destroyed. There is still little of trust between ~"

"Brienne, could I stop you for just a moment?"

"Jaime?"

"Why do you have to be so...  _noble_... all the time?! The cries of victory can still be heard and yet you're already planning. Worrying... Think of yourself, woman. Think of your needs and wishes. Just for once! What is it that the bravest of all the wenches needs? What is it that _you_ want?"

"I  _need_ to think of the future so hopefully it will be safe for my child to live in it. And I  _want_ my Lord husband to stop calling me 'wench'!"

"See? That's more like it... And you will always be a Wench to me."

"Why can't you be serious?"

"Why can't you have fun? ... We won, Brienne. Winter is gone. So come here and give your bruised and battered husband a kiss... we'll think of all those _others_ later."


	243. Cops and Robbers

Jaime watched in amazement as his partner of just two months ran past him, catching the criminal and subduing him in less than a second! Calmly reading him his rights. Still talking to Jaime over her shoulder, continuing her lecture about side effects of eating too much donuts.

Brienne was all muscles and brains. 

She was sexy! 


	244. Striptease

Room is small and dingy. Smells like stale breath and cigarette butts. The only light is coming from the outside, cars passing by.

"You know what comes next, Tarth.  _Strip_."

"I have no intention ~"

"And I have _all_ the intention to see that you're not wired. So... strip."

"If that's how we're playing... you have to strip too. Who is to say you're not recording our meeting for future blackmail?"

"Agent Tarth ~"

"Exactly.  _Agent_ Tarth. You are the only double-agent here, Lannister, and by default unworthy of trust. Strip!"

Her voice is commanding. And he is weak. But he tries.

"Ladies first."

"I am no lady."

"Then get rid of your clothes in manly matter. I don't care."

Her fingers trace the buttons on her blouse slowly, revealing her pale skin. Inch by inch. It's torture. 

"Aren't you going to follow?"

There's a strange melody to her voice. Like a dare. And it's deep and full and promising of more. So much more. And he is weak!

"Should I turn full circle so you could better enjoy the view?"

"Oh, I am enjoying myself!."

There's the sound of click and a short flash that blinds him for mere second. He realises that _somehow_ she is still dressed. That he is the one naked. 

"This will make an interesting addition for my agency's annual Wall of Shame."

Before he can smartly retort... or... retort at all... she is gone. Room is still small and dingy and stale. And empty now that her laugh is fading in a distance. His voice echoes.

"Tarth, you're such a _tease_!"

 


End file.
